Love me less, but love me a long time
by livbishop
Summary: A "Love Songs (Les chansons d'amour)" AU. After his girlfriend's death, Sebastian feels like a stranger on his own skin. However, he finds an unlikely friend in his co-worker Santana, who introduces some refreshing people in his life, like a certain high-schooler named Kurt Hummel.
1. Chapter 1

Warnings/triggers: mentions of death.

/

Hi guys! I'm so excited to be sharing this with you! I'm finally returning to my roots, to Kurtbastian, and it feels sooo right. This is an AU inspired and adaptated from the absolutely wonderful movie "Les chansons d'amour". If you haven't watched it already, then RUN and GO watch it now.

/

Sebastian had always been aware that nights were the hardest part of the day for anxious and depressed people. He had heard it before: people unable to sleep, overwhelmed by their worries and anxieties, their minds and bodies deprived of rest and peace...

For some reason, though, he had always been inclined to believe it was a matter of attitude and that's all it was – because, yeah, he was _that_ arrogant.

He was not the kind of guy to save all his worries and anxieties for the night. _I mean,_ the way he figured it, night was supposed to be a fun and relaxing time, _wasn't it?_ The truth was he just wasn't an anxious guy at all. He worked out 3-4 times a week, so that probably took care of most of his bad vibes, he guessed. Whether it was jogging, going to the gym or dancing with his stunning blonde girlfriend Julie, he was always pretty active.

The other half of his bad energy was usually employed in arguing with Julie, making love to her or fighting with his co-worker Santana, a beautiful Latina girl he liked and despised in equal measure.

Night had always been just fine for him, and it continued to be just fine when Julie moved to his apartment, carrying on like that for a very long time – though not long enough.

To Sebastian's eyes, there was really no adjective to describe Julie other than stunning. She was a petite girl with almond eyes and carelessly dyed blond hair who always wore a big, white fur coat and movie star sunglasses, giving to her aspect a bohemian aura that made the girl quite hard to miss.

Sebastian wouldn't describe Santana with the same fondness. She was a girl he had met at work, a local newspaper where they both edited and copied articles, and their relationship had been peculiar right from the start. It really didn't take long until they found the other picking at their weakest points; teasing, playing, laughing, joking and even fighting with each other. They had the most fun together, yet treated each other miserably.

Sebastian had simply assumed that Santana's natural behavior was like that; that the girl just had a lot of attitude going on and enjoyed making people suffer. That was until he introduced the Latina girl to Julie, not even aware then what that moment would mark: pretty much the end of an era and the start of his first three-way relationship. And probably the last one.

Whatever idea Julie and he had in mind when they decided to take that huge step in their relationship, whatever the life they pictured, it just never really worked that way, or that well, though they never tried much, to be honest. Basically, Sebastian became accustomed to sleep on one corner and leave the rest of the bed for Santana and Julie, who giggled, kissed, cuddled and ignored him completely. _Th_ _en,_ and only then, he started having real troubles to sleep at nights.

Every now and then, Santana and he gave it a go, because what else could they do with all that tension? And, every now and then, it worked, but more often that not he just ended up missing Julie terribly.

And no, not even then Sebastian thought that nights were so bad. Because, missing her or not, he still had Julie right next to him. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, Julie's lips woke him up with a soft murmur, asking him to kiss her and hold her like he had always done. And for a moment they kissed, and Sebastian held her, and it felt like nothing had ever come between them.

Sometimes Santana even left the bed with a mood, disgusted by "their dumb, brain-damaged love", and granted them some time on their own. And sometimes, only _sometimes_ she even left the apartment, and Sebastian always thanked her with a croissant at work, or fetching her coffee.

And it might be not the best dynamic, but it was _their_ dynamic; and it could be better, but it could also be worse. Life could always be worse. And nights, Sebastian would learn after his girlfriend's death, nights could turn out to be just _awful_.

So now, as he looked down on Julie's grave and swept some old tulips that he replaced with orchids, the boy did nothing but crave those awkward, experimental days when there were three of them, because anything, _anything_ was better than being left behind. Their _three_ had abruptly became a _solo_ _show_ one night; a night that would become the very start of a long streak of sleep deprivation and hollow days that seemed to devour and melt with each other in heavy blurs.

That fateful night, Santana, Julie and he had gone to a club to listen to one of Julie's favorite songwriters. Maybe it had been because he had known Julie longer than Santana, and so he had suffered hundreds of boring concerts like those already, but for some reason Julie had been ignoring Santana and holding him closely all night instead, with perfectly soft and mellow dreamy eyes. The same dreamy eyes she gave whenever she listened to live music and felt moved; the same dreamy eyes she used to give when she felt comfortable on Sebastian's embrace, and made him feel like there was no one else in this world she would rather be holding – even if Santana was just a few feet away from them, flirting with another blonde.

But lately Julie hadn't held him like that, and she hadn't looked that happy and enamored either, so when Santana stole a kiss from her new pray and Julie had suddenly claimed to feel dizzy and ran to the bathroom, Sebastian simply snorted. Because _h_ _ow stupid_ of him to believe just for a second that Julie was capable of only having eyes for him, even if just for one night. How _fucking_ stupid.

When Sebastian had enough of feeling like an idiot, he decided to confront his girlfriend in the bathroom. What he saw there, though, a very pale Julie that looked like she was about to pass out, made him backpedal in his anger drastically. Julie really wasn't feeling well, and he was feeling like a major idiot again, so he took her outside and told her to wait for him while he looked for their coats.

But luck was determined not to stay on his side that night, and so when he came back to Julie, his girl, _his Julie,_ she was not there anymore. Instead, her body lay on the concrete, and an improvised team of (probably) med school students tried to give her pale body VPR without getting any results.

Next thing Sebastian remembered, he was sitting in the back of a police car and two cops talked to some guys in an ambulance dressed up like doctors. Or maybe they were doctors. Sebastian couldn't even bring himself to remember that. Then, one cop got in the car and reported the decease of a Julie Paige on his radio, giving him an apologetic look that tried really hard not to look like pity.

Two weeks later the autopsy would say it had been a cardiac arrest, a heart attack, or God knows what. That no one could have predicted it, that nothing could have saved her.

So _yeah_ , turned out people was right and he had been arrogant as fuck. Because right after that day, Sebastian discovered that night time could be a true bitch when you were depressed, or down, or whatever.

Sebastian just wasn't feeling himself anymore.

For weeks after Julie's passing, he carried himself as though nothing had happened to the outside world. He continued to visit her family every Sunday, just like they used to do together. He visited, made some impersonations, played some charades and never stopped until he heard her parents and sisters all laughing together naturally. That was his only job every Sunday: to show up and make them laugh.

During the week, he just limited himself to survive. He was all alone in the apartment now, but kept seeing Santana at work every day. The girl claimed she just couldn't sleep there anymore, and asked him how he could even, to which Sebastian never really answered, because the truth was he just didn't.

The Latina girl hadn't stopped seeing that blonde from the club since that fateful night, which Sebastian found twisted enough but said nothing. Lately, Santana and he tried to stay out of each other's nerves as much as possible, like an unspoken truce of some sort.

Which was fortunate enough, because he wasn't really in the mood to hang out with the bipolar girl, or anyone, really. Most of the time, he went to the cemetery and changed Julie's flowers if her mother hadn't done it first, like he was doing now.

And when he was not doing that, he spent the days in solitude, lost in his thoughts, unable to remember the day before. Every day seemed like a mirage of the previous one, and Sundays became slowly more difficult every week, until one week he just stopped visiting Julie, or her parents. And Sundays melted with Mondays, and Mondays with Tuesdays, and so on.

But a change in one's habit can really alter the course of a life-time, and that was something that Sebastian wasn't even aware of yet.

/

About seven weeks after Julie's passing, Sebastian was presented with a sunny Tuesday, which of course went unnoticed by him until lunch break at the office.

He was deliberately ignoring his lunch and playing backgammon on his computer instead when a very small apple landed violently on his table, startling him.

"Please DON'T EAT IT!" A girl screamed with a big deal of alarm in her voice.

Sebastian caught the apple and turned around confused, looking for the source of distress. A slim, freckled blonde with piercing blue eyes smiled at him, friendly.

"Please?" She repeated. "I told Santana I only use that tiny apple to smooth my toes cuticles and she freaked out and threw it away. And though I keep it in perfect good use, I don't think you'd appreciate the feet taste."

Sebastian pretty much just stared at the blonde for a few seconds with serious concern. Was he dreaming? Had he fallen asleep at work? Was this a real person? Would a real person say anything remotely as nonsensical as this?

"I'm sorry, what?" He asked instead, feeling a soft tickle in his throat he hadn't experienced in a while. It looked like a chuckle was coming his way.

The blonde regarded him with a quizzical expression, which turned sad really fast. "Are you not going to give me back my tiny apple?"

Sebastian considered it for a second, spinning the _tiny_ apple between his fingers. "Are you Santana's girlfriend?" He asked, looking around for signs of the girl.

The freckled, peculiar girl nodded, cautiously. "Is that gonna cost me the apple? Because we haven't dated that long. You know, it's not like I can't get you another apple, but I really want that one back" she insisted, her face getting more and more upset every second.

Sebastian thankfully noticed it right on time, and gave her back the ridiculous apple. "Here you go. I'm Sebastian" he offered the girl his hand.

The blonde's face lighted up like a bulb, suddenly so smiley it seemed childish. Actually, there was something about that girl that just seemed really child-like, really odd. She took his hand.

"I'm Brittany. And this one here is Mrs. Potato" she explained, showing him the apple again.

"Potato?" Sebastian asked, very confused.

"Don't answer that, Brit" Santana cut in, screaming from a distance.

The girl almost jogged towards them, as if scared Sebastian might harm or jinx Brittany somehow. She joined them and threw a territorial arm around Brittany's shoulders, shooting Sebastian a defiant glare.

Sebastian rolled his eyes, tiredly. "Just met your lovely girlfriend, _Sans-ass_. And her apple."

"Stick to your sad, boring game porn, _Sans-ass-tian_. I know you've got a thing for blondes, but this one is not for share" she threatened behind a smirk of superiority.

Sebastian smiled somewhat bitterly. "Yeah. Guess those days are over" he commented with sarcasm and sat down again, determined to go back to his game.

"San, what's wrong with him? Is he sad?" Brittany asked in a not so soft whisper to Santana.

Both girls still stood behind him, but with very different expressions. Brittany looked at Sebastian like she had just found a lost puppy, whereas Santana tried really hard to fight the urge to be nice to him.

"Yes, he's a sad moron" the Latina girl replied.

"But he's the friend you told me about" Brittany continued, "the one with the dead girlfriend with the great boobs" she explained.

Sebastian's back arched up a little, trying to shake off the awkward easiness with which the girl expressed herself. He turned around a little, "Yeah, that'd be me. Still here, by the way."

Brittany waved at him, amused. "Hi, Seb."

Sebastian frowned, confused again. Did this girl suffer from some sort of brain damage? Santana glared at him as if she knew what he was wondering.

"Oh my God, I just had the best idea" Brittany suddenly exclaimed, gaining a concerned look from both Sebastian and Santana. "Sebastian, you should totally come to my house tonight. My parents aren't home and I throw the best parties. The best!" She nodded somewhat weirdly and frenetic, then let out a big sigh. "Actually no, okay, I lied – I just lied to you, I'm so sorry" she shot him a really afflicted look, then straightened up her bun/pony tail and cleared her throat awkwardly. "I don't really throw great parties- I mean, I do! I do throw great cat parties, but not like- great human parties. My little brother does. He's _such a great_ party planner, and it's gonna be _such a great_ party, you should definitely be there" the girl ranted with enthusiasm.

"Oh, no no no, Brittany, I don't think that's a good idea-" Santana started.

"Yeah, no, I mean, I'd _totally_ love to go" Sebastian cut in with fake excitement, "but I've already got a compromise- tonight, it's this thing, this commitment, I just can't. But I'm so bummed to know I'll miss _such_ a great party" he smirked, amused. "Thank you anyway, Brittany. You're real sweet."

The strange girl pouted and folded her arms for a moment, then laughed very lively when she couldn't hold it anymore. "I can't be mad at you for too long" she patted Sebastian's head. "Here" she grabbed a piece of paper from Sebastian's desk and took a pen she hid somewhere inside her messy bun. "Here's my address, just in case."

Sebastian observed the piece of paper rather reluctant, but folded it and kept it politely. "Thanks."

"Well, if that's all" Santana said somewhat exasperated, "we'll let you go back to your boring life."

"Please" Sebastian emphasized, not very subtly.

"Bye Sebastian!" Brittany said cheerily, tagging at the arm of her girlfriend.

"Bye, potato" Sebastian waved somewhat fond. That girl ought to be made of sugar or some pink, tacky version of it.

"Hey, dumb-ass" Santana cut in again, "FYI: you'd be very lucky to attend Brittany's party, 'cause nowhere else is your sorry-ass invited. Not that I'd like your blue, tiring, sad little presence there, but you should know: the 'be cool and do something fun for once in your life' train doesn't make much stops down over lame town."

Sebastian scoffed, annoyed. "Make up your mind, woman. Is this one of these cases were you pretend not to care if I go with you somewhere, but then get pissed if I don't, or are you just being a pain in the ass?"

Santana made a disgusted face and screamed. "Ugh! I don't give a shit that you come or not! Whatever! For-God's-Sake, you try to help somebody..." she went away murmuring, followed by a very puzzled Brittany.

Sebastian scoffed again, more annoyed, and went back to his game, _finally_. _What a pain in the ass_ , he kept brooding for a long couple of minutes, until his mind went eventually numb and thick, just like he wanted it. _God bless these games_.

His phone buzzed then, interrupting his brief but happy coma. It was Mary, Julie's older sister, who hadn't stopped calling him for the last two weeks. Sebastian sighed exasperated.

 _What's the freaking rush?_

Mary was completely determined to pack Julie's stuff and store it away as soon as possible. She insisted it was the only way for all of them to move on, and Sebastian kept postponing it.

He had severe reserves about that statement, or about all Mary's statements or actions lately. The girl was acting rather erratically, like she had bought some self-help manual on how to cope with grieve and step number one was calling the deceased's lover 24/7. And odds were, Mary had actually bought that kind of book and was probably following some marked steps, just not the one he had pictured, but something very similar, Sebastian imagined.

 _God_ , she was such a weirdo.

Sebastian almost choked on his coffee on his way home when he saw the weirdo in the front door of his building, her feet dancing distractedly as she bounced them on the air, sitting in the doorsteps.

 _Fuck_. There went his plan to spend the night with a nice pizza and Netflix.

It took her a freaking second to spot him as well, leaving Sebastian no choice but to come and greet her. _Damn it._

He approached the redhair and hugged her as he always did, only they hadn't seen each other for almost a month. And it was his fault. So, that wasn't helping his mood.

"You look more Asian every day" Sebastian joked, observing her K-POP pop star-like outfit and hairdo.

Mary rolled her eyes, not very happy. "And your _great_ sense of humor gets more and more offensive every day."

Sebastian patted her cheek and took a deep breath. "Sorry. Don't get mad, mousie."

"Don't call me that!" Mary made a face, "I'm 25, for Christ's Sake."

"Yet you dress like a teenager who's just discovered manga and Asian bands" he smirked, amused. "It doesn't say much in your favor."

Mary hit him with her bag. Her very big, princess doll bag. "Yes it does, idiot. It says I've got enough personality to carry on with this style than most teenagers do, and that phases don't really exist."

"Mary" Sebastian gave her a patronizing look, "you've been into K-POP how long, like a year, year and a half?"

"Very funny, Seb. Ha ha ha. You're gonna open the door or what?"

"That depends. What are you doing here?"

"Well, you didn't return my calls!" Mary protested. "And we've got to do this eventually, Sebastian. I asked for the day off at work, can't we do it now?"

 _God_ , what an impertinent person! Sebastian couldn't believe his luck. "Well, you should've asked, Mary, 'cause I've got plans."

"With who? Your x-box? Or Netflix?" The girl retorted, clearly satisfied with her witty remark.

"Ha ha" Sebastian mimicked her. "It's a party, okay? I'm going to a party with some guys from work."

"Oh" Mary made, somewhat pissed. "Is this… Is this girl coming? Santana, was it?"

"Yes, Santana" Sebastian confirmed, annoyed. Why on Earth Julie told her sister about their weird three-way arrangement he had no clue. It only made things ten thousand times more awkward every time he saw her. "She is. It's her girlfriend's party, actually" he stated, cockily. "So no, I can't do this today."

Mary sighed, defeated. "Look Sebastian, you can leave. I'll do it myself, okay? I've got keys, remember?"

Sebastian frowned. "You've still got those?" He asked, upset. "Mary, you need to give these back. You don't need the keys anymore, why the hell you've still got 'em?"

"Well, I haven't seen you much lately now, have I?" She asked, very smart-ass like.

Sebastian gave up and threw up his arms. "Fine. Whatever. Leave the keys in the box-mail on your way out, you hear me?"

"Yes, sir" Mary replied somewhat annoyed too.

Sebastian just turned around and left.

 _How freaking great._

 _/_

Sebastian didn't actually intend to go to Brittany's party. He just needed to get Mary out of his hair, and that seemed as good an excuse as any other.

He went for a walk instead, bought a bottle of wine and drank it up all by himself while watching the ducks at the park. Every time he came here he regretted not bringing some bread to feed the ducks, and every time he promised himself next time he'd remember.

It had been two, maybe three hours since the encounter with Mary, and he felt little confident that the girl would be over with her "mission". And he had no desire to go home yet. Not if there was the smallest chance of coming across her.

And it pissed him off, it really did. How come a grown man couldn't come home and relax and do nothing after a long day of work? Why on Earth did Mary have keys? It was all so damn annoying.

He didn't even decide it, didn't even think it through, but he got up and started walking what appeared to be aimlessly. But deep down he knew where he was going.

It was getting cold, he was drunk and had a formal invitation to a party. So, what did he really have to lose?

But what it felt like three hours to Sebastian, it was actually almost five, and when he got to Brittany's, there were like five people top, including a very judgy and surprised Santana that gave him a very hard look.

"Now you show up? Five hours late? You idiot" Santana told him off, while Brittany hugged him and put a beer on his hand.

"You can stay as long as you want!" Brittany cut in, almost losing her balance. "He can, San. He's your friend, he can."

"But we were going to bed now!" Santana protested, eying the rest of the people rather fiercely. "I mean, if these drunks here can get a freaking clue!" She shouted, gaining some protests and snorts in return.

Sebastian witnessed with panic all of the guests getting up and gathering their things, then decided to take Santana aside.

"San, I need to stay a little bit longer" he mumbled, somewhat scared and not sure why. "Please."

"Why?" Santana inquired, never one to cut some slack.

Sebastian sighed, frustrated. "Fffffuck" he rubbed his eyes, and in doing so spilled some of the beer all over her face. "Ffffuck" he repeated, tumbling down the sofa.

"Okay, okay, Seb, easy there. Come on, let's go to the bathroom. You can't roll your beer-washed face all over that sofa, okay? That's leather you're spitting on" Santana explained nervously. It was Brittany's parents house, after all.

Sebastian got up with some help, then found himself in a very polish and modern-like bathroom. The light was too bright and he winced.

"Can't I stay here either?" He asked, pointing at a very big bath tub that looked just as fine as the sofa.

"But why?" Santana asked, almost desperate, "Why tonight? Why do you have to get wasted the night before I get my period, you motherfucker?"

Sebastian scoffed and slapped her arm softly, defending himself, "Mary's in the apartment, doing God knows what to Julie's stuff" he explained. "I don't wanna deal with her again" he pouted.

"Dear Lord" Santana sighed, "that ginger weirdo. But it's five in the morning, Sebastian" she pointed out, "she can't still be there."

Sebastian gave her friend a painful face, "But what if she is?"

"All right, spill. Stop wasting my time and cut the crap already, Sebastian. Why don't you wanna go home?"

Sebastian threw his head backwards, tired. "Pfff- all right FINE" he gave up. "I can't sleep over there. You happy? And now that Mary's presence's there, I don't even want to! She took Julie's stuff!"

Santana stared at him silently for a few seconds, then finally sighed very heavily and grabbed the boy by the arm. "Goddammit."

Sebastian found himself in the living room again, sitting on the fancy sofa while Santana handed him a few pillows and the remote. "If you EVEN think about throwing up, you get your lazy ass up and go to the bathroom, or God help me I'll..." she threatened.

Thankfully Brittany chose that moment to reappear, silencing her.

"Where did you guys hide?" She asked, cheerily.

"Brit" Santana started. "I've gotta ask you a favor, babe. God, you're such an embarrassing friend, Seb" she complained.

"Santana, you can ask anything from me" Brittany said, holding her hands with the most innocent and ridiculous of expressions. "Anything."

Santana regarded the blonde hesitantly. "Can this slacker here spend the night in your sofa? He's too wasted to be alone."

Brittany lighted up again. "Why- of course!" She exclaimed. "What a silly favor, he should totally stay, someone needs to watch Lord Tubbington and keep him from using my laptop. Last week he ordered ten copies of a cat illustrated version of "Fifty Shades of Grey". This needs to stop Lord Tubbington!" The blonde yelled at his fat cat, that had curled up all over Sebastian's feet.

"And who will watch me and keep me from using your lapto-"

"Enough" Santana hit Sebastian's head with a cushion. "Just sleep already, freak. You look homeless, your breath smells homeless and, right now, you _are_ homeless, so just fall sleep already, slut."

Sebastian showed her a finger and tried to lie down, but the freaking enormous cat wouldn't give up its space. After a struggling couple of minutes, he quit and just sat still, turning the TV on and leaving whatever channel was on.

It was the damn shopping network, but Sebastian was too tired to change it, so he just sat there and watched several muscled men exercising _on the comfort of their homes, with the convenience of a gym_.

"That's not good for your mental health. Or anybody's" a really strange voice stated behind him.

It was strange because it was too sharp to be masculine yet not feminine enough to be a woman's. Strange.

Sebastian tried to look up, out of curiosity, but his head felt too heavy. _Whatever_ , he thought.

"I can't find the remote" Sebastian mumbled, tiredly.

A very funny looking teenager approached him and took the remote right from the top of Sebastian's thigh, where Sebastian himself had left it. He would've felt embarrassed if there had been any emotional energy left on him, but there wasn't, so he just shrugged and mumbled a 'thanks' when the kid turned off the TV.

The boy looked at him then with an amused smile, and Sebastian was greeted with the bluest eyes he had ever seen. _God_ , maybe not the bluest, but the sharpest. There was something incredibly unsettling in those eyes, something really remarkable.

The blue-eyed kid looked no older than fifteen, Sebastian imagined, but he definitely didn't dress like a regular fifteen year-old boy. Just like his voice didn't really match his gender, neither did his clothes. Again: not feminine enough to be a woman's, but too feminine to be a man's. _What a weird looking kid._

"I thought I was the last guest left" Sebastian said, moving aside a little to make place for the kid.

The kid didn't sit, though.

"Oh, that's 'cause I just got up. I'm leaving for school in half an hour" he smiled.

 _Of course_ , Sebastian chuckled.

"I live here, actually. I'm Brittany's stepbrother, Kurt Hummel" the boy offered Sebastian his hand, very polite and smiley and all.

 _God you're so gay_ , Sebastian thought amused. He had never seen anyone so gay-looking at such a young age.

"Sebastian Smythe" he responded, amused, and shook his hand. It was incredibly soft, like moisturized or something. Sebastian held it probably longer than it was polite, because the kid blushed. "What time do they make kids start classes these days?" He changed the subject. Besides, wasn't it too early?

"Eight" Kurt lamented – he actually did. The boy couldn't possibly be more expressive with his reactions. Almost as if he needed to interpret every single word he said.

"Well that sucks" Sebastian pitied him.

"Yes it does" Kurt agreed and stood there, observing Sebastian somewhat expectant.

Sebastian frowned, uncertain. Were they supposed to chit chat or something? He didn't have the energy for that.

Kurt eventually gave him an awkward smile and moved to the kitchen, which was half connected with the living room.

Sebastian followed him with his eyes. This time he found the energy to turn around his head and watched him preparing breakfast.

"So, you can't sleep? Want some coffee?" Kurt asked, then Sebastian noticed the boy had caught him staring and looked away, self-aware.

"Oh, no, thank you. And yeah, this freakishly fat cat here keeps stealing my space."

"My sister told me what happened to you" Kurt commented then, making Sebastian look at him again.

Sebastian observed him, half shocked to hear that, half intrigued what the kid would say next. It was fairly awkwardly to tell that to someone you've just met.

But the kid simply held his stare and said nothing, then looked away after a few seconds.

"You know, you can sleep in my room if you want to" Kurt said instead.

 _Wait, no 'Sorry'? 'Sorry for your loss'? 'How are you doing?'_

"What?" Sebastian asked, a little lost.

"I mean, I'm leaving for school. Maths exam" Kurt smiled shyly. "But my sheets are clean. And the beast is banned from my room" he said, pointing at the odd cat.

"Oh" Sebastian made, uncertain. "A bed would be nice but… you're sure?"

"Of course!" Kurt grinned very lively, just like Brittany had done that morning. There was also something very childish-like about him, even if Brittany and he were only step-brothers. "It'd be my pleasure" he giggled, somewhat nervously, which Sebastian pretended not to notice, "this way."

Sebastian stood up, trying really hard not to sway or fall down, then followed Kurt across the narrow halls.

The kid smelled really nice. Fresh showered and just perfumed slightly. Sebastian was pleased to notice it was a men's fragrance, though he wasn't sure why that pleased him.

And Kurt's bedroom smelled just as clean. It was neatly tidy and very personally decorated, Sebastian could tell. He didn't have the time or the energy to take a lot of looks, though, so he just muttered a: "Nice room."

Kurt made some kind of awkward bow and smiled nervously again. "Well thank you. I'm glad you find it pleasant. You can borrow a PJ, if you'd like?"

"Oh, no- that won't be necessary" Sebastian smiled politely. "Thank you, though."

"All right" Kurt shot him a last smile. "Sleep tight."

"Good luck with your exam" Sebastian wished him. It was the least he could do for the kid.

"Thank you" Kurt said, but Sebastian barely heard it nor felt it, because he had already sunk in a sea of soft pillows that felt like clouds. Kurt's bed was incredibly comfortable and fresh. The sheets were very similar to silk and smelled heavenly.

And right after that it hit Sebastian. It hit him with the strength of a very violent thunder: he was finally going to sleep. He could feel it in his bones, in his nerves and senses. He was going to fall sleep and it would be some fucking awesome rest. He was finally going to _sleep_ after seven weeks of exhaustion.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi guys! Thanks for reading/following! I'm really excited to share this chapter, because I really enjoyed writing it, and I know it's been just two days x) but I can't wait anymore. I'm going through a non-stop phase with this fic, very similar to when I wrote 'Give thise tease a break' so... Hopefully this fic will have frequent updates as well! Anyway, happy reading!

/

You know that feeling of excitement when you realize something _huge_ just happened? When you go through life, expectant, looking around every corner for a sign to chase, a path to follow or a person to smile at, and then it happens?

For Kurt, meeting Sebastian had been exactly that, and he reckoned he would have been blind not to notice. The moment he had been waiting for so long, the one spark that would set things in motion was finally here, how could life ever be so generous?

"What's that about?" Finn, a friend and classmate, asked as soon as he saw Kurt. He was waiting for Kurt in the bus stop, as he did every morning, with the same bored expression.

"What's what?" Kurt asked distracted, sitting down next to him.

"Your face" Finn frowned. "You're all smiley and shit."

Kurt snorted. Finn always woke up in a mood. Luckily, it never lasted for too long. As soon as they got on the bus and Finn's girlfriend Rachel jumped on him, his gesture would switch to love fool in no time. Some time ago Kurt would have witnessed it bitterly, back when he had a big embarrassing crush on his best friend. Thankfully, those days were over.

"Well, this is turning out to be a really great morning" Kurt commented, cheerily.

Finn's frown grew bigger. "Seriously? It's not even eight. When did anything good ever happened before eight in the morning?"

Kurt chuckled, dumbly. _Oh_ , so much could happen. _So much_. "I don't know" he sighed. "Life could happen, I guess. The love of your life might just decide to make an appearance today."

Finn observed him really confused for a few seconds. "Oh!" He finally realized. "They reran episodes of _The vampire diaries_ again, didn't they?"

Kurt regarded him with disappointment. "No" he barked, more sad than annoyed. His love life was such a joke. "I'm not talking about Ian Somerhalder, although he will be my second husband, worry not."

Finn chuckled, amused. "Yeah. As long as he lets me borrow some leather jackets, I've got no problem with that. His clothes rock. Maybe I should get one of those jackets..." The boy wondered dreamily. "You think I'd look cool in one of those?"

Kurt frowned, shocked. "How come life just happened to me and you're talking about leather jackets?"

"Hey you know I feel kinda insecure about my looks!" Finn protested with his voice down while looking around for signs of people, embarrassed. "I'm just saying, maybe a leather jacket would make me look cooler, you know?" He smiled, fondly, while his eyes showed he was picturing that exactly. "Like one of those cool riders that are always dressed in black and got these big, noisy motorbikes. Shit" he froze, "but I ain't got no bike. Maybe I should also get one of those?" He asked Kurt, worried.

Kurt shook his head, mesmerized. "Unbelievable, he's still talking" he mumbled and got up. The bus was finally here. Thankfully Rachel would deal with Finn now and he could have some alone time to go over his encounter with Sebastian.

And maybe, just maybe, plan how many babies they would have together before they divorced. _I mean_ , he was still going to marry Ian Somerhalder some day.

/

The room was too bright. The sunny Tuesday had evolved into a sunny Wednesday, but not even the shiniest beans of sun coming from the window could disturb Sebastian's sleep. It was a click, a click woke him up. A very sudden, loud and sharp click that sounded like someone was taking his picture. But it couldn't be, could it?

Sebastian opened his eyes very slowly and caught the blue-eyed kid quickly hiding a phone in his pants.

"Hey, paparazzi!" Sebastian grunted, only partially amused.

"Sorry, this is the first time I've got a boy in my bed" Kurt greeted awkwardly, then reached for his backpack and grabbed a little paper bag. "Here – I bought you something from the bakery."

Sebastian smirked, surprised, then sat up slightly and realized his torso was naked. He locked eyes with Kurt and caught the kid staring right at it, blushing while doing so.

Sebastian snorted, flattered. "You bought me some croissants?" He asked, trying to drive Kurt's attention away from his chest.

Kurt looked up, finally. The boy smiled shyly. "Uh, no- I bought you some pastries. I thought it was more appropriate for the afternoon tea."

"Afternoon?" Sebastian felt his body wake up completely. "Why? What time is it?"

"Around five thirty."

"Shit!" Sebastian exclaimed, getting up abruptly. "Shit, shit, shit! I don't even have time to go home and change clothes, oh shit" he kept murmuring while he looked for the clothes from the day before.

"You can borrow some of mine" Kurt offered, rushing through his drawers and handing him a somewhat colorful and striped blue sweater and a too tight black t-shirt.

Sebastian eyed the clothes with mistrust, a little uncertain. Didn't these look a little bit…?

"What? It's not too bad… is it?" Kurt asked, terrified. Sebastian shot him a curious glare and shook his head, to reassure the kid. "Oh, but these don't go with your shoes. Here" the boy opened a tall cupboard and took a matching blue sneakers from it. "These are a remarkable match" he smiled, pleased.

Sebastian chuckled, a little amused, then realized the boy took the matching outfit rather seriously, so he simply nodded. "Thank you. Is Santana still here?"

"No, we're alone" Kurt giggled, somewhat corny.

Sebastian frowned, which made the boy stop and adopt a very blank expression.

"Okay, thanks for the bed. And the clothes. Oh, and the pastries" he remembered, taking the bag from Kurt's hand. He was terribly hungry.

"You're welcome" Kurt smiled, bowing sort of clumsily, like the night before, which Sebastian took as his cue to leave.

He shook his head and closed the door behind him. What an odd kid.

/

Sebastian had to work late that night to make up for his morning absence, but no amount of boring pieces was as bad as having to deal with Santana's bad mood. It really made you miss ordinary Santana, even if her average attitude was a lot on its own.

But this was out of charts. The girl had been multitasking from nine o'clock, covering both hers and Sebastian's tasks, or trying to. Thankfully, that only meant she would take off earlier, leaving Sebastian with both hers and his own work in the afternoon.

Which, once again, was a win, because Sebastian preferred working five hours on his own than two hours with the girl on a mood. Also, he had slept eleven _wonderful_ hours, and was feeling fresh as a rose.

"So the hermit finally left his cave last night" Brittany said while leaving a tiny apple on top of his desk.

Sebastian looked at her surprised. "Do you work here now?"

Brittany laughed cheerily. "I do! No one's paying me yet, but I figure if I stick around long enough they will."

Sebastian frowned, amused. "And what exactly is your job?"

"To keep Santana's needs covered and satisfied" the girl winked, mischievously. "But I might consider adding tiny-apple deliverer to my resume."

"Oh, you should" Sebastian played along, "next to cat party-planner."

"So you did like my party! Isn't my little brother the best? Isn't he all soft and cuddly? And his lips- wow, those rosy moist lips. Isn't he a great kisser?" She asked excitedly.

Sebastian winced. "Whoa-whoa- what? Why are you asking me that?"

"Because you slept with him last night, didn't you?"

"He what?!" Santana screamed, almost jumping from her chair and raging to Sebastian's desk. "You what?!"

"Hey!" Sebastian protested, throwing up his arms. "I did not sleep with your brother!" He screamed, then noticed pretty much everyone in the office was looking at them and waved awkwardly to Dave from Accounting, who stared at him somewhat bewildered. "Okay? I did not sleep with anyone last night" he said much lower this time, stressing every syllable. "Jesus. Your brother is like fifteen."

"He's ten" Brittany corrected him, gaining confused looks from both Sebastian and Santana. "But he looks much older" she added, "probably because off all that hairspray he uses."

Santana frowned and slapped Sebastian's head.

"Ahh!" He ached. "What was that for?"

"You little pervert, which clothes are these?" She asked, tagging at the blue striped sweater.

Sebastian gulped down, panicking. "Mine, okay? I bought them last week. You happy?"

He seriously hoped Brittany lived so much in her own world that she didn't notice he was actually wearing her brother's clothes, and thankfully, it looked like that was the case.

"I don't think blue's your color, Seb" the blonde commented, with a pity look. "We should go shopping together, or you should call my brother! Gosh, he's got the best taste. He would set fire to that sweater if he saw you."

Sebastian felt really, really confused but let it be. There was so much weirdness he could handle in one day.

"Okay, I'm bored" Brittany suddenly exclaimed. "Can we go now, San?"

Santana nodded and glared at Sebastian. "You better finish what I've got on my desk."

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "I will. Get out of here."

"Bye crocodile!" Brittany shouted, cheerily.

"Bye… monkey!" He waved back.

Not really working on a clock anymore, Sebastian happily typed, read and edited until three in the morning, when the cleaning service left, feeling as productive as any other day, but twice as energized and… awake. Just wonderfully awake for the first time in forever.

He was considering whether feeling _wonderfully awake_ called for a pizza or a burger, following every fluorescent, fast-food light he encountered, when a sharp "HEY" startled him.

Next thing he knew, that odd looking kid, Kurt, was standing right beside him, smiling and acting all casual. "Hey, Sebastian!"

"Jesus!" Sebastian exclaimed, alarmed. "You scared the crap out of me" he confessed, unsettled.

"Oh, sorry" Kurt smiled apologetically and covered his mouth with both hands, really affected. "I didn't mean to do that."

Sebastian sighed and looked around. Wasn't it like three in the morning? "What are you doing here?"

Kurt gave the least believable shrug of indifference that the world's ever seen then. "Just in the neighborhood, taking a walk."

Sebastian frowned and examined Kurt's features thoroughly. Was he blushing again? "There's just so many things wrong with that I don't even know where to start" Sebastian said, arrogantly.

Kurt chuckled nervously. "Wait, what? What do you mean?"

"This is not your neighborhood" Sebastian pointed out, "for starters. And you've got class tomorrow, at eight," he added. "For seconds."

"And for thirds?" Kurt giggled, apparently amused, while he swayed his slim legs rhythmically.

"You're like fifteen. You shouldn't be alone in the streets at this hour" Sebastian stated rather seriously. Who was this kid and why was he so reckless?

Kurt's face finally showed some discomfort. For a moment there, Sebastian wondered if the kid was capable of showing anything other than giggles, awkward flirty stares and bows.

"Excuse me" Kurt cut in, outraged. "I'm seventeen, not fifteen! I'm a senior. I've already been admitted to Brown, mind you."

Sebastian snorted, amused. He threw up his hands. "Oh you're seventeen! Oh!" He exclaimed falsely, "That changes everything. Well good for you. I'm going home."

Sebastian turned around and resumed walking, feeling suddenly very tired.

"Oh, you're going home? Can I come with you?" Kurt asked, walking by his side two seconds later.

Sebastian rolled his eyes but didn't stop. "No."

"But why? I can cook" Kurt insisted. "I'm sure you must be hungry and-"

"No, I'm not. It's three in the morning, I just wanna sleep" Sebastian cut him, annoyed. This wasn't even funny anymore, being chased like that in the street by a ridiculous-looking teenager.

"Oh, I'll fall sleep right away too, you don't need to worry. I'm absolutely _exhausted_ " Kurt emphasized, amused. "You don't know the morning I've had, God. First the exam, then Mr. Schues-"

"Kurt!" Sebastian stopped violently and grabbed the boy by the arm. "Stop it! Jeez, I mean, just shut up! I'm going home and you can't come with me, okay? Go home _now_ " he stressed, glaring at him, upset.

Kurt stopped on his tracks too, his face losing all color and observing Sebastian with a really shocked expression.

The kid got silent and timid and his gaze fell on Sebastian's shoes, which were actually Kurt's sneakers.

"I guess I shouldn't insist, huh?" Kurt asked tentatively.

"No" Sebastian declared very firmly.

"Can I wait for you at your office tomorrow?"

"I'm sorry, Kurt. No."

"What- you just…" Kurt observed him with incredulity, his face turning almost sad, and Sebastian found himself unexpectedly taken aback by the look; he felt guilty, even. "You have no doubts? You don't need anyone?"

Sebastian's gaze got cold. That was none one's business but his own. What was wrong with this kid?

"Did I ask you anything?" Sebastian simply asked, annoyed.

Kurt shot him an ironic smile. "Okay, I'll just go."

And he did just that, _thankfully_ , because Sebastian wasn't entirely sure he could stand the scene any longer. He watched Kurt go, almost jogging towards the nearest subway entrance. The kid looked almost athletic like that; there was some sort of cadence and rhythm to his movements that made him look much more put-together. Like his body needed to be in movement to be at its full, to follow its own tempo.

Sebastian shook his head, tiredly. He had no desire to yell at pinky teenagers at three in the morning, but sometimes life happened, he guessed.

/

When Sebastian turned the corner to his street and looked up at his building, searching his window out of habit, something seemed off.

For the last two years, he always looked up to check on Julie. If the lights were on, it meant the girl had got home safely and waited for him while reading a magazine, probably, or watching some of her TV-shows. If the lights were off, which was rare, it meant the girl was either not home or mad at him from a previous argument; in these cases, Julie went straight to bed and didn't talk to him until the anger was out of her system.

So it really made no sense that Sebastian kept on checking the lights from the pavement, because it had been two months since Julie's passing and the lights will be always off now. There'll be no one waiting for him in bed, no one looking forward to share her day, to heal his tiredness with kisses, to feed him with comfort food when he was down…

But habits were a hard thing to get rid off. They had a way to linger, so even when Sebastian knew that the lights ought to be off, it didn't really perturb him to see them on. Lights had been on way longer than they had been off. To his subconscious, it made all the sense in the world.

He did startle when the key didn't give more than one spin on the lock, though. He remembered having locked the door. And he guessed Mary was also a smart girl. She would remember to lock the door, wouldn't she?

"Mary" Sebastian mumbled. _Of course._

Julie's sister was lying in the couch, watching the TV and eating chips without a care in the world.

Next thing he knew, Mary's dog Trudie was barking really loud, making Sebastian feel like a stranger in his own house.

"Hey Seb" Mary greeted him, unaltered.

Sebastian folded his arms and contemplated her, expectant. "Well?"

Mary looked kinda sick. The kind of sick hale one gets after staying inside for too long, watching TV and eating crappy food. "I couldn't sleep, and you didn't come home last night" she explained, defensive.

"You've been here since yesterday?" He asked, shocked.

"I-" Mary started, but her voice trembled. "I just can't sleep at home, Seb. And look, look at all the stuff I found yesterday, all these pictures..." the girl showed him a few albums spread over the sofa, covered with empty bags of chips.

"Oh, Mare" Sebastian lamented, exhausted. "You shouldn't look at that."

He sat down next to her and lighted up a cigarette, anxiously.

"Why not?" Mary asked. Sebastian noticed then that the girl was wearing one of his sweatshirts, but said nothing. "Don't you wanna remember her? Seb, we can help each other with the grief, I miss her too" the girl said with a rough, afflicted voice. Her eyes were getting watery.

Sebastian patted her cheek, fondly. "I don't need that to remember her, mousie. I can't open a single closet in this house without breaking down."

Mary held his stare with complicity, and it was such a strange feeling for Sebastian. He knew he ought to feel like he was bonding with the girl, understood, trusted, anything! But it just felt wrong.

"I can't do this right now, Mary" Sebastian stood up and started pacing the floor, frantically. "I can't- I just- I need to move on. I can't keep dwelling like this, it's not healthy, and it doesn't help" he tried to explain, suffocated, his anxiety rising in spite of the cigarette.

"How can you be so selfish?" Mary had the nerve to ask, coldly. "You should respect my sorrow."

"Right" Sebastian couldn't help his bitterness. "Just like you respect mine, moving in here."

"It was my sister's place too!" Mary defended.

"Okay, that's it. Have fun with that."

He didn't wait for a reply. He stormed out and ran, ran down the stairs and down the streets, one after another, without stop, without thinking; he just ran and got as far from his street as possible. And from Mary, and Julie, and his apartment, and their life together.

He had been drowning for too long, asleep in the eternal dream of his memories, and he just couldn't take it anymore. He was _awake_ now, and he needed to remain awake – that was all he knew.

He ran until his chest hurt and his knees felt weak, and even then he didn't stop. His mind seemed set on getting somewhere, and he was following his instinct.

Somehow, he ended up in Brittany and Kurt's neighborhood. It was like his body remembered the last place where he had managed to get some rest and just took him there.

Funnily enough, Kurt's light was on.

Sebastian panted, his chest fighting violently to catch some air. He sat down in the pavement for a minute or two while he caught his breath.

He shouldn't be here. He knew he shouldn't be here. That his presence here would only encourage a teenage boy's silly fantasies, but the lights were _on_.

Sebastian took out a couple of little pencils he had stolen from the office earlier and, one by one, he threw it at Kurt's window.

Soon enough, Kurt opened the window and observed him with a really bewildered expression. It made Sebastian's stomach twirl.

"No questions. Give me the door code" Sebastian demanded, then realized it was not his place to be making demands right now.

Kurt held his defiant stare until Sebastian softened it. If he was Kurt, he would never let a bastard like him in, not after treating him like that.

"0709" Kurt whispered and smiled.

Sebastian shook his head and went to the door. He was coming in, but he wasn't losing the upper hand tonight.

"What are you doing here?" was the first thing Kurt asked Sebastian as soon as he collapsed in the kid's bed, taking way too many liberties, but whatever. That was Kurt's problem, if he let strangers come in and steal his bed that easily. "Right. No questions. Got it" Kurt answered himself, after a few seconds.

Sebastian took off the coat and the scarf, then went for the shoes and realized something. "I'm still wearing your clothes. And I couldn't take any clean ones from home. Sorry" he apologized, because every once in a while he could take some responsibility from his actions, after all.

Kurt shook it off, though. "That's okay. You can keep 'em. Or you can borrow something else. Did my outfit make some girls check you out today or what?" He joked, giggling awkwardly.

Sebastian actually chuckled, and it felt nice. "Oh, that's not all it did. It gained me some thorough looks from some of my coworkers. Men as well."

Kurt laughed. "Oh, that's what my outfits are made for, didn't I tell you?"

"You did not, but you didn't have to. I figured that much."

Kurt sat down on a chair. Well, not a chair exactly. It was a gigantic and very purple armchair that looked like it belonged in princess Jasmine's palace, to say the least. But it did look pretty comfy, Sebastian would give that to Kurt.

"So, still working?" Sebastian asked to break the silence, because if Kurt's plan was to spend the night watching Sebastian sleep while sitting on his enormous armchair, he was greatly mistaken. And also, his laptop was on and there was some text document there opened.

"Oh" Kurt startled, running to his laptop and shutting it down. "Not anymore."

Sebastian smirked, amused.

"Anyhow" Kurt sat back again, visibly relieved. "Hey, don't mess with those" he called off Sebastian, who was taking books from Kurt's bookcase at random, checking them briefly.

"Let's see what the govern program makes you read these days" Sebastian said playfully, mostly because those books were clearly not from any govern program. Not the current, not an old one. " _Queer –_ I found it very instructive indeed. Did you enjoy it? Learnt something fun?" He asked, maliciously.

Kurt got up and slapped Sebastian's hand, taking the books and putting them back on their place in perfect order.

"You're ridiculously neat" Sebastian observed, gaining a bitchy glare from the boy. "Did you change the sheets? I mean, were you not secretly expecting me to spend the night here again?"

"You're an asshole. I'm sleeping in the sofa."

"Kurt, come on" Sebastian chuckled. "You got me in your bed, just like you wanted- and it was just so you could sleep in the sofa?" Sebastian joked, clicking his tongue. "I think not. And I'm really intrigued to see what you had in mind. Come on, what were you going to do to me when you had me here?" He asked, flirty _as fuck._

"Stop it!" Kurt protested, all blushed and nervous, though he still didn't move from his chair. "You're not even funny, you know?"

"Oh come on! You chase a twenty-six-year-old man in the street, what can you expect? Let me at least have a laugh about the ridiculousness of the situation" Sebastian chuckled.

"Fine" Kurt gave up, annoyed. "You're done?"

"Not yet, but it can wait" Sebastian conceded. "But seriously, petit. You shouldn't chase mature guys on the street like that. Not just because it's lame, and childish, but mostly because it's dangerous, silly. What if I were a degenerate, or a pervert?"

"But you're not" Kurt said, like there was just no more valid argument than that. "And I don't just go and stalk old guys for a hobby, idiot" he explained, embarrassed, because that only meant that he only chased Sebastian. "Don't you ever take a risk?"

Sebastian regarded him in silence. Did he ever? Yeah. Maybe not lately, but he used to. But it had been too long since Sebastian had felt even remotely like that, so it was hard for him to relate to Kurt's immature kind of crazy crush. The kind of teenage love that made you go and follow someone around. Sebastian was way passed that.

"Did you just call me old?" He asked instead, trying to clear the air.

Kurt chuckled. "I think so. But maybe you are old if you can't remember doing something like that" he got shier, tentative, "I mean, have you never… loved- for the sheer sake of it?"

Sebastian's eyes probably went a little wide, but he couldn't help it. He found it utterly corny to even use words to say something like that, and he wanted to just die.

"Jesus. Is that- Are those-? Are those actual words? Did you just say that?" Sebastian chuckled, shocked.

But then, while Sebastian said those careless, rough words, Kurt's cheeks blushed furiously and his hand tried to hide and cover them discreetly but failed. And there was just something so raw, so authentic about this kid's vulnerability that it just made Sebastian want to play along, if only to ease Kurt's embarrassment, or to award his bravery. Who knew.

"Yes. I have" Sebastian answered calmly, after a couple of seconds of utter silence and embarrassment. "But those loves are often pretty indigestible and hollow. You can't see that at first, but then it comes a moment when that's all you can see."

Far from discouraged by the response, Kurt's eyes light up with excitement ( _if only it wasn't so easy to see right through him_ ) and the boy bit his lip for a moment, trying to filter his words, which Sebastian imagined were abundant. Kurt was just so fun to look at; it looked like he had been containing thousands and thousands of hypothesis and arguments about love for too long, and now he had suddenly found someone willing to discuss them.

"But aren't those the ones that leave no one indifferent? Aren't the best kind of loves indigestible and exhausting?" Kurt asked, smiling.

 _God_ , he looked so happy and grateful to Sebastian for indulging his silly little game of questions and answers...

"What you call exhausting is usually sickening. Fleeting." If Sebastian was going to indulge Kurt's whim, he might as well indulge some of his own. And his, right now, was to disagree on principle. "Those silly immature loves are too green to grow, too easy to mean anything. They eat you away. It's better to save your energy" Sebastian added, having somewhat fun collecting his thoughts as well.

It was a funny thing to be around a teenager; their excitement was contagious, even if it was about a silly chat about love. So he threw the advice in, just in case. There was nothing wrong with getting all riled up with words. But that was all it was: words.

"I don't think you can play safe in love. You don't save, you dare- you put things in motion" Kurt explained, passionate, almost as if he had some experience on the matter. "And when it lasts is- well, it's not fleeting. It lingers. Like a scent. In every inch of your body" he said cautiously, his eyes big as the moon. And blue. So very blue.

Sebastian observed him in silence, not really sure what to say anymore. Kurt was a seventeen-year-old. Of course he was determined to fall in love and lose his head in the matter. Well, that was on Kurt, then. Sebastian wouldn't let the kid use him as the object of that mad, silly and childish love – no matter how entertaining it was to watch.

"Did you learn all that from _Queer_?" Sebastian joked.

Kurt sighed, annoyed, and rolled his eyes. "You're kinda insufferable, you know."

"But you're cute." That was the adjective that Sebastian chose to describe him, and it looked like Kurt liked it, because he bit his lip to contain a smile. "All right, time for bed, you runt."

"It's only four, it's not that late" Kurt protested discreetly, but got up and closed the curtains, obediently. He probably knew how to pick his battles. Or probably not.

"You've got class at eight. Maths, Bio or some good old Literature to fill your head with more silly ideas about love, as if it wasn't already full" Sebastian joked, moving aside to make some space for Kurt.

Kurt looked at him dubiously. "I can sleep in the couch."

"Make yourself home, petit" Sebastian insisted, then took off the rest of his clothes except the boxers.

Kurt contemplated him with an incredulous expression for a second or two. Possessed-like, he then raced to the door and turned off the lights. "Okay."

The boy lay down and got under the covers, bringing with him his perfume and his warm presence to bed. Sebastian came closer. He knew he shouldn't enjoy playing with some teenager's feelings so much, but he couldn't help himself. He hadn't enjoyed himself so much in a really long time.

"So. Did you bring me here to have some big, deep talks about love? Or was it just so I could hold your hand and cuddle you in your sleep, is that it?"

Sebastian placed his cold hands on the small of Kurt's back, playfully, gaining a slap from the receiver.

"Idiot!" Kurt protested, but cut some distance as well, which was unpredicted for Sebastian.

"Whoa-whoa easy there" Sebastian said, somewhat intimidated himself by Kurt's advances. "I was kidding" he clarified.

Kurt looked tougher, all of a sudden, but not too much. "You know I didn't bring you here, right? You came yourself."

Sebastian considered that for a moment. Mixed signals much? Okay, he got it. He was confusing the poor kid a little. So he opted for being honest. Somehow, it felt safe to be honest.

"I can't sleep at home."

Kurt's hand very timidly came forward and rested upon his neck, and caressed it. Sebastian startled a little, but let it be. He closed his eyes, and decided not to move. It felt nice.

After a minute or so, it stopped.

"Good night" Kurt's voice wished him.

"Oh, good night" Sebastian replied, surprised. Not that he was actually expecting Kurt to do something stupid, but still. Maybe the kid was smarter than he looked like.

For a minute or two, Sebastian remained still and didn't move much, hesitant. He was having the sudden whim to be covered with someone's arms, no matter whose, and something told him that was the reason he had actually come here tonight.

But he knew it was just a whim. And he had satisfied enough whims for one day.

/

Even if Kurt had actually been planning that morning how many babies he'd have with Sebastian, that still wouldn't have prepared him for actually sharing a bed with the presumed future father of his kids.

Because, _I mean_ , they were totally _not_ sleeping together. They were just sharing a bed. They were _bed buddies_ , that was all. Not a single inch from their bodies was in contact, nor was Kurt trying to make them be.

He was too busy freaking out really badly, and that took a lot of time and energy. But, like _a lot_ of time. Like, how did people manage to actually get _any sleep at all_ when they shared the bed with someone they liked? He was dying! _Dying_! And tomorrow he'd be a zombie, that was for sure.

Also, he would not be able to complete his full morning skin ritual, and the mere thought was just making him faint and vomit already. He would wake up next to the most attractive guy he had ever met, and he wouldn't even be at his fullest! He would have terrible bed hair, terrible bag eyes, and horrible breath! _Please_ , couldn't anybody save him? What had he been thinking letting Sebastian in? Getting in bed with him? Chasing him in the street? He wasn't even enjoying any part of it.

Except that he was. Kurt was feeling sick, but he was also feeling unbearably alive. And the truth was he had been craving someone to make him feel like that for a really long time.

So yeah, he wanted to vomit, but he also wanted to touch Sebastian. Not in a bad, creepy, molester kind of way, _God!_ Of course not. But he… he did want to cuddle with him. Was that too corny? And Sebastian was right: he did want to have big, deep talks about love until morning. But he wanted to have 'em with Sebastian, and no one else.

He was losing his mind, wasn't he? This was some guy he had met only that morning! How could a day hold some many events? And why so many other days held few to nothing? Kurt was feeling like this was the first day of his life, and he was finally ready to live it; sickness, vomiting and all.


	3. Chapter 3

Long chapter warning! This one got a little out of hands... ^^'' I don't intend to make the next chapters this long, to be honest, but this one felt like it needed to be this way.

Again, thanks for reading and following ^^ If you'd be kind enough to take your time and leave me some of your thoughts it would be incredibly helpful. Right now I'm feeling a little insecure about the story, even though I'm enjoying every second I put on it. But feedback is always encouraging and helpful, so that'd mean a lot to me, 'cause that's the whole reason I share it here and not just keep it getting dusty on my pc.

Anyway, happy reading!:^)

P.s.: I don't own Glee or Les Chansons d'Amour!

* * *

No matter how well Sebastian slept in Kurt's bed (which kept surprising and unsettling him deeply), three hours was still some shit and obviously not enough. Kurt's alarm started ringing around six thirty, but the boy didn't quite hear it until seven or so – lucky him.

Sebastian did hear it the first time perfectly fine and couldn't contain a groan. He hated when people kept postponing the alarm endlessly, but he kind of hated it even more when people just didn't hear it, which appeared to be Kurt's case.

Sebastian summoned all his will to lift his head and glared with true annoyance at Kurt, but his gaze turned gradually softer as he took in Kurt's gesture.

There was really nothing special about the way Kurt slept, that was the truth. The kid drawled as much as everyone, stole the blanket mindlessly in his sleep and even talked a few nonsensical words every now and then. Just the average sleeper.

And yet seeing him so asleep and harmless did something to Sebastian. It made him backpedal in his unjustified anger, for one, and it also reminded him that Kurt's bed was the reason he was actually getting some sleep, even if tonight had been just a few hours.

Truth was he kind of owed Kurt a little. If anything, Sebastian owed Kurt the decency of not encouraging his obvious crush, that was for sure, and last night had probably not helped on that department.

So when he looked at Kurt, what he saw really was his own selfishness. He probably just needed to move out. Find a new apartment. Let Mary took Julie's stuff away. Start fresh. What he didn't need was to find himself in the really strange situation of sharing a bed with a seventeen-year-old, for Christ's Sake. He needed to be stopped and it had to be now.

Sebastian got up and tried to make as less noise as possible. He threw in the clothes from the day before (which, again, were Kurt's) and left Kurt's room without looking back.

Soon enough he found himself in the street, breathing in the fresh air morning. It looked like the day would be less sunny than Tuesday and Wednesday had been, but that was okay. He felt awake, half rested and relieved now that he wasn't in a minor's bed anymore, so that was something. If the day needed to call it for a rain, Sebastian guessed it could be worse.

It didn't take much to find himself hesitant again, though. As soon as he crossed the street, a really creamy and warm smell filled his noise and he came across a bakery. Probably the same bakery where Kurt had bought him those pastries the day before, he imagined.

A few groans and curses later, Sebastian left the establishment with two paper bags. He got in Kurt and Brittany's building again and contemplated for a second whether to come up or not. Thankfully, he saw the doorman sweeping the elevator and decided to take a short cut. He left the man one of the bags and gave him instructions to personally handle it to Kurt on his way out to school. When the doorman asked Sebastian if he should tell Kurt anything for him, he just ripped a page from his notebook and wrote 'thank you'.

He hoped that would settle it.

/

Lunch time found Sebastian somewhat surprised. Santana was having one her very rare good mood days, so they were eating her home-cooked burritos outside, in the building's rooftop, enjoying a perfectly amicable silence that only got interrupted now and then by the threat of rain.

"This is what I miss the most about living with you" Sebastian mumbled with his mouth full of food. "You're a great cook."

Santana gave him a suspicious eye. "What's that for?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Oh my God, can't I ever compliment you without you thinking I've got ulterior motives? You should get tested or something, because it's getting pathological."

Santana scoffed, "Yeah, well, you should get tested and have someone check your halitosis, because it's getting chronic."

Sebastian contained a chuckle. "Oh yeah? Well, how about you check your vagina? 'Cause last time I checked your period smell was getting pretty bad. I'm sure your girlfriend must be really appreciating that."

Santana's jaw fell open. "ARGH! Gross!" She laughed then. "So freaking gross, you freak. How sad of you to remember the smell of my vagina. But I guess that's what happens when you take a celibate vow; you become sad."

Sebastian frowned, not even amused. "A celibate vow? Wow. I've been single for how long? Two months?"

Santana gave him the 'give-me-a-break' glare. "And how your hand's still uninjured I cannot fathom. _Please_. You're like the most insatiable guy I've ever met. Julie and I used to joke you were a sex addict. And now two months without a screw? Come on, Seb. Your balls are gonna explode."

"Oh, _me_? Really? It was me who was a sex addict?" He asked, half annoyed half amused. "You guys are unbelievable. You were _all_ over each other _all_ the time, okay? I practically had to beg you to have sex with me."

"Again, sad" Santana shook her head. "I could set you up with someone, you know" she suggested, so little subtle and casual that Sebastian wanted to just barf. "Someone you do not have to beg for sex, I mean" she smirked maliciously.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "No, thanks. Not interested."

Santana sighed, exasperated. "Sebastian, I'm trying to do something nice here, don't make me repeat it. Don't you get tired of being so lame?"

"So lame?" Sebastian asked, upset now. "Fuck off. I'm grieving, for Christ's Sake. Grieving. Do you know anything about that, Santana?"

Santana threw her soda can really violently towards the nearest trash and failed. "Oh, do _you_? Is that what you're doing?" She stood up, feisty. "If only you were grieving, Sebastian."

Sebastian gazed at her with disconcert. "What the hell do you want from me? To cry my guts out? To whine and mope in every corner?"

"Yes!" Santana screamed, gesturing with her hands dramatically. "Just break down already, for crying out loud! You're so freaking put-together it's crazy!"

Sebastian wasn't even able to reply to that; he just looked down, full of hurt, so full he thought he couldn't bear it. A really tense silence got between Santana and him, but neither of them moved an inch. Finally, Santana spoke up again.

"Sebastian, I just want to help you." The girl sat down again next to him and Sebastian noticed her tone had gotten much softer, but he still didn't want to look her in the eye. "Can you honestly tell me that you broke down, even once? That you told the world to go to hell? To fuck off? You're supposed to be selfish now, Seb. You need to let the anger out, and the sorrow. It's gonna poison you if you don't."

She squeezed his knee, and even left her hand there for comfort, which didn't cease to daze Sebastian, because this was Santana after all. And she might be always yelling, and cursing, and whatnot. But there was this other side to her, this incredibly brave side, that made her precisely the best friend one could ask for. It was really not easy calling out a friend like she had just done. In fact, it was really painful.

Sebastian grabbed her hand and squeezed it back, trying really hard to keep his breathing in check, but his throat was getting full of nods and his lungs seemed to had gotten into a race of some sort.

"I know" he admitted. "I'm just not there yet."

"That's okay" Santana nodded after a few seconds, too understanding to be her.

It was fairly awkward, because this was them, and they didn't act like loving friends and shit. But Sebastian threw his arms around the girl and hugged her. Some days, all he needed was some arms, no matter whose.

/

It was one in the morning, and Sebastian had been tossing and turning without rest for two, maybe three hours. _This is insane_ , he kept breeding, his mood getting worse every minute.

Before meeting Kurt and Brittany, Sebastian had somewhat become accustomed to being unable to sleep. He spent the nights fighting for rest, but the pain was so intense that he simply knew there was nothing to do about it – just let it be, and hope that some day it will wear off and he would feel safe again in his own room.

But now that he had found out that he was actually capable of sleeping, he felt absolutely annoyed that it didn't happen. So instead of feeling sad, or hurt, he just fell completely pissed off and anxious. Like a kid with a tantrum.

Why the hell couldn't he sleep in his bed? Why? Was it because of the apartment? Should he seriously consider moving out?

On a crazy impulse, he got up and took his credit card. He was going to sleep tonight, even if it was in a cheap, tacky hostel. If the problem was his bed, or his place, then there were plenty of solutions for that.

Thankfully, there was a hostel only two blocks away from his apartment. And, much to his joy, the room he got was not too bad. He had a TV, a comfortable bed and some chocolates in the pillow, as a greeting gift.

But soon enough it was two, and he was painfully awake, and desperate. Really, really desperate.

Around three, he wanted to scream. He couldn't take it anymore. Sebastian left the hostel and took a cab. The long sleep deprivation streak needed to stay over, and he could only think of one place where that could work, because it had worked before.

And he was fully aware how little sense that made. How ridiculous it was to think he could only fall sleep in Kurt's bed. But he was desperate, he thought these past two days had been some sort of progress, and he wasn't willing to throw that away.

Besides, wasn't it time to be selfish according to Santana?

This time he had no pencils with himself, so he had to throw some of the chocolate bonbons from the hostel at Kurt's window, praying that the boy would wake up eventually.

And he did. About two, three minutes later, he finally did, and studied Sebastian from his window with the sleepiest and most stunned expression Sebastian had ever seen.

Sebastian simply made him a gesture and pointed at the door. Without waiting for a reply, he typed in the code and a few seconds later got in the elevator. He hoped Kurt would be at the door now, because knocking or ringing the bell was out of question. And also, if Kurt wasn't at the door, it probably meant the kid had had enough with him already, which was also perfectly fair, after all.

Thankfully Kurt was there, his arms folded and his frown slightly marked. Sebastian shot him a cautious smile that probably got under Kurt's skin, because the boy had mercy and led him to his bedroom.

Kurt was probably very tired, because once they got to his room, he got in bed right away. He didn't even greet Sebastian or pronounce a single word. He made enough place for Sebastian, though, who took off his clothes real fast and followed him.

As soon as Sebastian got in bed, a pleasant wave of warmth invaded all his insides. This bed ought to be made of heaven, there was no other possible explanation. Kurt had warmed it and perfumed it with his pale and cozy body, and Sebastian could already feel himself drifting off.

He came a little bit closer to Kurt, just slightly, and inhaled all the pleasant warmth that surrounded the boy. It was the weirdest thing, but it had some kind of soothing effect on Sebastian. And it kept calling him, clouding his judgment.

Sebastian knew that Kurt would be more than okay with him throwing his arms at him, even if it was just for cuddling, and he was very tempted to do so. But he also knew there was a line, a line that was easily blurred at nights, and that line needed to remain uncrossed.

 _This is a fucking seventeen-year-old_ , Sebastian called himself off, annoyed, _have some self-control you freak_.

/

Sebastian rested so much that night that he didn't even hear Kurt's alarm next morning. He woke up around fifteen minutes later because of the sound of the hairdryer and looked around, confused. The door was opened and there was some light coming from the bathroom. The bed was empty, so he figured the source of noise was probably Kurt.

He seriously considered getting up and sneaking out on the kid, but that bed was _so_ freaking comfortable. Besides, now that Kurt was out Sebastian had the bed for himself, and it smelled _so_ disturbingly good on Kurt's side...

The noise went off and Kurt came in the room again, unaware of Sebastian's awakening. Sebastian peeked and saw the boy in a towel, humming mindlessly around his drawers while (probably) looking for the most ridiculous outfit. His hair was perfectly styled, though.

Sebastian couldn't help a snort, which made the boy startle and turn around self-consciously.

"Oh, by all means: keep humming" Sebastian joked, throwing him a pillow.

Kurt barely dodged it and panicked, taking a firm hold of his towel. "Hey!" He protested, then grabbed his clothes and ran away.

Sebastian took the opportunity to sat up and stretch. It couldn't have been more than four hours, but it still felt really nice. It was certainly an improvement from the former zero hours he used to get in his apartment.

Kurt came back fully dressed two minutes later and seemed more comfortable on his skin. He shot Sebastian a tentative smile but then realized Sebastian was sitting.

"Oh, you can keep sleeping if you want" the boy suggested, "my parents won't be here until evening, and I don't think Brittany will come back a minute earlier" he chuckled.

"That's okay" Sebastian shrugged. "I should probably get going anyway."

"Right."

Sebastian looked up at the boy. That 'right' had sounded somewhat resented to him, but he wasn't sure. Kurt was biting the inside of his mouth and scrutinizing Sebastian with his sharp eyes.

Sebastian sighed. "Thank you for letting me sleep here, Kurt. Don't think I don't appreciate it."

Kurt's expression eased up a little, and he sat down at the edge of the bed. "Can I ask you something? I know you said 'no questions' but..."

"It's okay. Ask away" Sebastian winked, trying to be nice for once.

Kurt looked dubious. "Why are you here? I mean, why do you come here to sleep?"

Sebastian contained a chuckle, because it was kind of funny. He, a grown up man, coming at nights to sleep in some teenager's bed.

"Well" Sebastian started, uncertain. He locked eyes with Kurt and smiled, not sure what else to do. "I told you. I can't sleep at home."

Kurt didn't seem very satisfied with the answer. "Yeah, I get that. I mean, I can understand it. But why _here_? Not that I'm complaining" he giggled clumsily, "but I'm- I'm just curious, I guess."

"I can imagine" Sebastian agreed politely, but the truth was he was having a hard time coming up with a reasonable answer. He got up then and took his clothes. "Could I take a shower?"

Kurt examined him somewhat perplexed for a second, then stood up himself. "Of course. There are towels in the bathroom, and I'll take out some clean clothes for you."

"Oh, can I keep the sneakers?" Sebastian asked, aware he was probably abusing Kurt's generosity once again. "Not like keep 'em _keep 'em_ , but like, a loan."

Kurt smiled with curiosity. "Yeah, no problem. I'll make breakfast meanwhile."

Sebastian frowned briefly but let it be. If the kid wanted to at least have breakfast with him, he had to indulge. Otherwise, it would be like using Kurt's as a hostel.

About ten minutes later, Sebastian followed the smell of coffee and it led him to the living room. Kurt had set up two cups of coffee with all possible utilities: cow milk, almond milk, sugar, saccharine and stevia.

"Sorry, I'm out of soy milk" the boy apologized while carrying a tray with fruit, toasts and oat meal.

Sebastian was awed. "How many people are we expecting for breakfast?"

Kurt chuckled nervously. "Oh. I wasn't sure how you'd take your coffee. Or what you'd like to eat. Shoot, I forgot the juice!"

Sebastian grabbed Kurt's arm loosely and stopped him. "That's okay, Kurt. I think the fruit will cover it. Sit down and eat now, kid."

Kurt held his stare for a second or two and finally nodded, smiling shyly. "I got a little carried away, didn't I?"

"Yeah" Sebastian smirked. "But that's you, I think. All excitement even about breakfast" he joked.

Kurt narrowed his eyes at him. "Oh, you're welcome, by the way" he said, moodily.

"Hey, I wasn't making fun of you for once!" Sebastian protested, amused. "And I _am_ grateful to you, you know that, right?" He looked for Kurt's gaze, feeling slightly guilty.

Kurt didn't say anything, but it was pretty obvious he doubted that.

Sebastian scratched his head, uncomfortable.

"Okay, look. I'm not the easiest person to be around" Sebastian admitted. "But I don't take things for granted. Thank you for all of these" he gestured, pointing at the breakfast first, then at his clothes. "I mean, this sweater is dope. You might never get it back."

Kurt smiled finally, loosening up. "Oh, not until you're out of clothes again, right? By the way, I think I should give you my number. It'd be easier if you just give me a call when you want to sneak in. I don't think my parents will appreciate the taps on the window at two in the morning."

Sebastian considered that. "Oh, that won't be necessary" he chuckled, somewhat nervous. "I mean, I'll find somewhere else to sleep. It's probably time I did that, anyway."

Sebastian noticed Kurt looked disappointed, but none of them said anything. They ate for a few minutes in silence and Sebastian offered to clean up, which of course Kurt refused, claiming he had no idea where things went in the kitchen, which was hard to argue.

Kurt walked Sebastian to the door, awkwardly, and waited while the elevator arrived.

"Sebastian" Kurt called as soon as Sebastian set one foot on the elevator.

Sebastian turned around, impatient to get out of there.

"I think I should still give you my number. Just in case" Kurt added, cautiously.

They stared at each other for a couple of silent seconds; Sebastian trying not to lose his patience and Kurt trying not to look too clingy.

"I'll type it in myself, it'll only take a moment" the boy took a few steps closer, holding out his hand.

Reluctantly, Sebastian took out his phone and gave it to Kurt, stroking the boy's hand for a moment. "I'll give you a call so you can keep mine, but please, _please_ , use it wisely" Sebastian warned him.

Kurt nodded and typed in his number. "There, saved."

"All right" Sebastian sighed. "I'd say 'I'll see you around', but hopefully, if you're lucky, I won't" he winked.

Kurt frowned. "What a crappy goodbye" he protested, scoffing.

Sebastian sighed once again and glared at the boy, somewhat annoyed. Without giving it much thought, he came forwards and kissed Kurt's cheek.

"See you, petit."

/

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Sebastian groaned, looking up at his window from the pavement. The lights were on, and that only meant one thing: Mary was in the apartment.

"Why? What is it?" Asked Lauren confused, observing Sebastian with curiosity.

Lauren was a waitress Sebastian had known for a while. She always took his and Julie's orders when they went out at the weekends and started the night right with a couple of vodkas at the cheapest bar in Ohio.

He had always noticed how Lauren stared at him way longer than necessary, or filled his cup a tiny bit more than Julie's, but never paid too much attention to it.

But, as it turned out, Santana was actually right about something: he did need to get laid. For two months he hadn't felt awake enough to even bother on hooking up with someone, nor had he wanted to.

But he had been making progress lately, he hoped he had, and his body was finally getting fidgety, restless even. And what if one of the reasons he couldn't sleep was because of the hormonal overload? It was just a theory, but Sebastian had nothing to lose, really.

And it was Friday night. Sebastian hadn't gone out in forever on a Friday night. So he decided to give it a go, and went to the bar and put his charm to good use, because being only the object of a teenager's attentions was driving him nuts, really, no matter how sweet the kid was.

There was just a little impediment he wasn't counting on, though, and that was Mary.

As Sebastian gazed at his own window, he couldn't help but wonder what the hell was going on with the girl, because there had to be something wrong with her to suddenly be on his apartment 24/7.

He sighed and looked at Lauren. "You think we could go to your place?"

"Sure" Lauren smiled, carelessly. "Has your roommate gotten some company tonight as well?"

Sebastian regarded her, baffled. "My what?"

"Oh, the blonde that's at the bar with you all the time. Isn't she your roommate?"

Sebastian's stomach twirled funnily. "Ah, no. I mean, yeah. But she's- she was my girlfriend, actually."

"Was?" Lauren asked with a badly hidden smile. "So you guys are not together anymore?"

"You could say that" Sebastian said, awkwardly. "That'd be extremely difficult, I mean, she died two months ago."

Lauren gasped and startled a little. Sebastian was a little tipsy himself so he was not one to be bothered with anyone's reactions right now.

"Oh my God, that's awful. I'm so _so_ sorry, Sebastian."

Sebastian shrugged, out of habit. "That's okay. Don't worry about it."

"Wow" the girl kept murmuring. "She was such a beauty. And so lively. Such a shame."

"Yeah" Sebastian agreed, although 'lively' seemed kind of a morbid adjective to describe Julie right now. "She was very capable of being a real bitch too, but that's life. We all can be a bitch every now and then."

Lauren shot him a weird look, but Sebastian was too tipsy to stop his verbal rant now.

"But, you know, life happens. Or better yet, death happens, and we tend to forget how someone used to be a real bitch, but whatever. That's life" Sebastian babbled, nonsensically.

Lauren squeezed his hand. "You wanna forget about life tonight?" She asked, cheekily.

"Yes, _please_ " Sebastian emphasized, "that's the whole reason I went out. I mean, that and hooking up with you."

Lauren giggled. "What did you think I meant by forgetting about life, silly?"

"Oh. Good. You think we could go to your place?" He asked again, his level of alcohol in blood reaching its highest point. "I kinda can't crush at home. My dead girlfriend's sister has moved in now. And my bed won't let me sleep. It sucks."

"Of course" Lauren assured him.

Sebastian realized how drunk he was, but fortunately it looked like so was Lauren.

"I'm so glad you're so drunk with me" Sebastian said, dumbly. "Or at least that you're decent enough to pretend that you are. That's just great. You're great, but your cologne is really _not_ so great?" Sebastian made a face, the notion of politeness long forgotten. "But don't worry, I don't mind."

Thankfully Lauren got a good sense of humor. " _Ha!_ And what about your sweater? Could your sweater be any gayer? If I hadn't seen you making out with your girl so many times, tonight I could have sworn you played for another team."

Sebastian gasped, pretending to be outraged. "My sweater is _dope_ , shut up!" He lifted it up a little and hid his nose under the fabric, inhaling Kurt's cologne. _Now this is a good smell_ , he thought, distractedly. "You know what I really need, though?"

"What?" Lauren asked, her face lightening up like a little kid's, dying to play whatever game you threw at her.

"A hug, man" Sebastian pouted, raising his arms and then letting them fall dramatically. "Just some arms, you know? C'mon, let's hug it out" he stopped and reached for Lauren, clumsily.

"Hug what out?" She asked, confused, but returned the hug.

"Just hug. Just let me borrow your arms" he protested, like the spoiled little brat Santana always claimed he really was. And why he was thinking about Santana right now, he didn't know. But it probably had something to do with hugs. Santana's arms hadn't satisfied him today, and he was pretty certain Lauren's arms wouldn't satisfy him either. But still, it was worth a try.

/

Sex with Lauren was okay, Sebastian guessed, but it would've been better if he could actually remember it.

Even though he had only slept three, four hours top, the monstrous hungover made it impossible to fall sleep again, leaving him alone with a mess of a memory. The events from last night were wearing off already, but little he cared about that. Right now, he only cared about one thing: why on Earth he was unable to fall sleep.

He imagined it came a time when the problem started to be just psychological, because there was really no logic explanation to the fact that he only got good rest and sleep at Kurt's. There just wasn't. So maybe he should just start house-hunting today and get himself a new, clean and comfortable place with no memories of any kind whatsoever.

Because, the truth was, Lauren's place was not the best. _I mean_ , the girl was quite untidy and dirty, to say the least. And when she woke up, there was of course no offer of breakfast, shower or clean clothes. Just a kiss on the mouth that made Sebastian feel rather uncomfortable because of his morning breath, which wasn't exactly the greatest.

And the worst part was he was feeling really uncomfortable on his own skin. Far from cheering him up, sex with Lauren had left him cold and numbed. And he was fighting really hard not to feel numbed anymore. He had finally managed to stay awake! He was making progress, he was moving-…

Sebastian suddenly froze. The thought caught him walking home in the middle of the street, and he was really taken aback by it.

He was moving on? Really? Was that even possible?

A turmoil of guilt climbed up his guts and insides until reaching his brain, where it became viral. _Dear God_ , Sebastian trembled, _do I even get to do that? This is Julie we're talking about. We were supposed to love and cling to each other forever…_

Sebastian couldn't say exactly why, but when he got home, he was kind of looking for Mary, but the girl wasn't there anymore.

 _How ironic_ , he thought, _that I've got to leave this place in order to sleep at nights and she apparently comes here to do so_.

That afternoon, he visited Julie's parents.

/

Kurt stayed home on Friday night, waiting like a fool for Sebastian to show up once again. Came Saturday morning, he regretted it deeply, because apparently Sebastian had meant it when he said he would look for some other place to crush at.

Kurt couldn't help but go over the last days events compulsively. Had he been unkind? Had he made it uncomfortable somehow for Sebastian? Okay, if he was completely honest, he probably had, chasing him like that on the street, but Sebastian had actually come to him afterwards so… maybe chasing him had been a good idea?

What if Sebastian actually needed someone to chase him? Someone to look after him, like Kurt wanted to?

Kurt knew he was delusional to even think things like that. All the more so when Sebastian himself had told him he didn't need anyone.

But the things Sebastian said didn't always match his actions, Kurt had noticed. He looked rather reluctant to Kurt's attentions and presence, yet he looked for them at two in the morning.

And then there was the whole 'not being able to sleep at home' thing. Not that Kurt didn't believe it, but it was kind of weird. Kurt's rational self trusted Sebastian's word, but Kurt's emotional self wanted to read between the lines so badly… and it was hard to keep him quiet.

 _If he comes once more_ , Kurt promised himself, _then I'll allow myself to hope_.

But Sebastian hadn't come last night, and Kurt had missed out on hanging out with his friends like an idiot. Not that he cared too much about it, because missing out on a Friday night wasn't that big of a deal in the uneventful Lima, to be honest. But still. It made him feel stupid, it made him feel small, and it mostly made him feel unwanted, which was a really bitter feeling.

On Saturday night, Kurt stared at his reflection in the mirror and promised himself something else: to stop being so freaking ridiculous. He always did this; he always crushed on someone way who was way out of his league and then felt miserable about it.

The high school glee club that he was enrolled in was throwing a party at Rachel's, and alcohol, karaoke and drama were expected. And Kurt could really use the distraction.

It probably had something to do with the fact that he wasn't much of a drinker, but the party looked pretty lame to his eyes. Everyone was exaggeratedly wasted: people were either yelling, crying or making out, and it was kind of gross to watch. Besides, his ex-boyfriend Blaine was there, flirting with the new kid Sam, and it took all Kurt's self-control not to get jealous. Not because he missed Blaine, which he didn't, but because it made him feel lonely.

But _these_ were his friends! How come he felt so lonely around them, then? He didn't quite get it, and it made him feel kind of bad. He loved everyone in the room, but he couldn't help the voice in his head that told him he was meant for something else. Not better, not worse, just something else. People who could inspire him in other ways, make him expand his views and limits and grow as a person.

Of all the people in the room, maybe only Rachel made him feel challenged every once in a while, and only on a performing level. But Kurt knew his life wasn't meant to simply revolve around performing and singing competitions. In a few months, he'd be studying at Brown, and the possibilities seemed endless, which was actually a really fresh change.

"I can't wait to get out of here" Quinn said with a yawn.

Kurt realized right then that they had been standing next to each other in amicable silence for a while.

He looked at her surprised. "Really?"

Quinn stared blankly at him. "Can't you?"

Kurt looked around, somewhat hesitant. "In a way, I guess."

Quinn's gaze fell to the floor. She looked rather unhappy. "And if you're being honest with yourself?"

Kurt chuckled, taken aback. "It's not that bad" he defended. "I mean- do you have any guarantee that things will be better when we're out of here?"

Quinn smiled, bitterly. "Anything must be better than here."

Kurt observed her bewildered. It wasn't that he necessarily disagreed with the girl, but he wanted to. There was nothing wrong with being ambitious enough to hope for a better future, but that could be tricky, because it could make your present situation really bitter.

And Kurt wished for a better future, but he also kind of wanted to enjoy the moment. Because what else did he really have?

Kurt's phone started buzzing then and his heart almost stopped. It was a text from Sebastian. He couldn't believe it.

From Sebastian S.: _Hey._

"Who's that?" Quinn asked, suspicious. The girl tried to peek at his phone.

Kurt hid it, nervously.

Quinn chuckled. "I mean, all the people we know are in here. So who's that?" She smiled, and Kurt was surprised to notice she looked unexpectedly fond. Like she was actually happy for him or something.

"Present, I hope" Kurt smiled back. "Turns out I need to get out of here too" he looked around for Finn, his ride home, but the boy seemed too busy exploring Rachel's throat. "Could you give me a ride?"

"Sure" Quinn smirked with complicity. "Give me a minute to grab my stuff and I'll meet you outside." She looked so grateful to have an excuse to leave, Kurt noticed.

To Sebastian S.: _Hey_.

Kurt didn't even bother to say goodbye; he went straight for the door and sat outside, fidgeting with his cell phone excitedly.

From Sebastian S.: _Your lights are off._

To Sebastian S.: _You're on my street?_

From Sebastian S.: _You're home?_

To Sebastian S.: _I'm on my way… so you're there?_

/

Even though the distance between his house and Rachel's was not that big, and Sebastian hadn't even replied to his last text, Kurt felt like it was taking them forever to get home, and he didn't want to grant his body enough time to get nervous.

"It's freaking two in the morning!" Kurt protested, "Dear Gaga, how can there be traffic at two in the morning?!"

"Kurt, you need to calm down" Quinn stated with her usual, rational coldness. "We're moving slow, there's really no point in getting all worked up about it."

Kurt scoffed and folded his arms, annoyed. "You don't get it. He might get tired of waiting for me! Who knows how long he's been there" he wondered, worried.

"Then that sounds like his damn problem" Quinn argued, not one to be very understanding. "Don't give me that look- he's a grown man, he can take care of himself. And if he can't, getting in bed with a minor is really the least appropriate thing he could do."

"It's not like that!" Kurt defended. He was regretting telling Quinn about the whole thing already. "He just needs somewhere to sleep, that's all. He would never even touch me without my consent. Which I would gladly give him, _gladly_ " he added, dignified.

Quinn shook his head. "I don't like this, Kurt. I know it all must seem like some big mystery to you, all exciting and stuff but… It doesn't look good. He sounds troubled."

Kurt snorted. "Oh, right, 'cause we're not troubled at all" he said with sarcasm.

Quinn shot him a cold glare. "Not like that" she added after a few seconds. "Look, if he doesn't mean any harm, why can't he take the couch? I'm just saying, there's no reason not to."

"Fine" Kurt gave in, annoyed. "I'll ask him to take the couch. You happy?"

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Yes. I'm the epitome of happiness. Thank you."

About fifteen minutes later, Kurt finally got home. He thanked Quinn (reluctantly) for the lift and rushed to the building entrance. He was about to come in, but the increasing twirls in his stomach had him all hesitant all of a sudden.

He knew Quinn was partially right. Sebastian was probably going through a troubling time right now. And Kurt was looking right at the face of danger and inviting it in with no objections. Of all his crazy crushes, this was by far the craziest one.

Kurt suddenly noticed a presence stalking his back. He turned around, startled and terrified.

"You're having second thoughts, aren't you?" Sebastian asked him, with a sad smile.

Sebastian looked like hell. He was wearing some of his own clothes for a change (except for Kurt's sneakers) and his hair and eyes looked terrible. Like he hadn't slept in forever. Also, his breath smelled of alcohol, but he didn't look drunk. He looked depressed, and it broke Kurt's heart to see him like this.

"Of course not" Kurt shook his head, determined to help him. "I was wondering if my parents will be home yet, but hopefully they're having too much fun to come back" he lied.

Sebastian nodded, distractedly, probably too busy being miserable to even care if Kurt was telling the truth.

"Are you okay?" Kurt couldn't help but ask, worried. He took a few steps in Sebastian's direction and stroked his arm, timidly.

Sebastian's gaze fell on Kurt's hand. He smiled tiredly.

"No" he looked up and stared right at Kurt then. "But I will."

Kurt couldn't contain the fond smile that reached his lips. Why did this man have this effect on him? It was scary how out of his hands it was.

"Come on" Kurt pointed at the door with his head. "Let's get you some rest."

"Yeah" Sebastian breathed out. "That'd be nice" he smiled back at Kurt, grateful.

The way up to Kurt's apartment was intriguingly silent. Kurt kept waiting for Sebastian to pick at him or joke about something, but the man looked too lost on his thoughts to do so. Or maybe too tired, who knew.

As soon as they got to his room, Kurt offered Sebastian anything he could think of: water, soup, sandwiches, fruit, wine… But Sebastian shook his head every time politely and just started taking off his clothes with as much as a warning, as it was his fashion.

Kurt felt as uncomfortable as usual and grabbed his pajamas to change in the bathroom. He was honestly confused as to how to proceed now. Sebastian was obviously upset, and it wasn't in Kurt's nature to ignore that. But he also knew Sebastian wouldn't answer any question, so that didn't leave Kurt any choice at all.

Also, when he made it back to the room, Sebastian had already got in bed, what made it kind of difficult for Kurt to ask him to take the couch. Not that he was very convinced of doing that, anyway.

"What?" Sebastian asked, half annoyed, when Kurt stood under the door frame in silence for about a minute or two.

Kurt wasn't even sure where to start. Or how to. Sebastian looked like he didn't want to be bothered, but this was Kurt's house! _His_ bed! Didn't he have any say in the matter at all?

"I think I'm gonna take the couch" Kurt said, giving in to the utter conclusion that he was powerless when it came to Sebastian. At least this was a smart solution, though.

Sebastian frowned and sat down in bed. "Why?"

Kurt opened his mouth, out of habit, but he didn't really know what to say, so he said nothing, for another half a minute or so.

"I'd feel bad if I made you take it" Kurt admitted. "And you need to rest, so... There's really no reason for me to sleep here with you" he said, reluctantly.

Sebastian contemplated him with a really struggling expression for a few seconds, visibly unsettled. "But- I mean" he mumbled, clearly taken aback, "this is your bed, I-" he sighed. "Kurt, couldn't you just- sleep here, please?"

Kurt's heart skipped a beat. He knew he should not be _that_ easy. He needed to stand his ground, make Sebastian talk! "Why?" was all he could bring himself to ask.

Sebastian looked uncertain. And lost. It took all Kurt's will not to give in.

"Couldn't you just- do it, _please_?" Sebastian begged again, and he looked slightly desperate. "Just- just for tonight" he added, not too convincingly. "I promise, I'll be out of your life in the morning."

Kurt trembled. "Don't. Don't promise me that." He tried really hard not to make it sound like he was imploring, but felt embarrassed anyway.

Sebastian observed him with really wide eyes. "Okay" he indulged, looking expectant. "So?"

"I'll turn off the lights" Kurt gave up. He prepared himself to feel like a failure for not getting Sebastian to communicate anything, but suddenly noticed the relief on Sebastian's face. And it was really hard to feel anything other than fortunate after seeing that. Fortunate for being able to bring some kind of comfort to a man who looked like nothing had comforted him in a while.

So what if he never dared to push it too far? He was helping Sebastian, and it was something palpable, he could see it in the man's face. If that made Kurt gullible, then _so be it_ , Kurt figured.

/

The minute Kurt got in bed, the bed got incredibly warmer and habitable for Sebastian, who tossed around to Kurt's side, uncertain.

It had been some horrible day. Visiting Julie's parents had been a big mistake, as big as letting Mary stay on his apartment, because that only brought up some things he just couldn't deal with anymore. He no longer had the energy.

But that didn't justify his presence in Kurt's bed. Nothing did. And, Sebastian was getting tired of fighting himself to find a reason for everything he felt, despite all that. The thing was he just felt safe here, like he used to feel on his own room not so long ago. And peaceful, he felt really peaceful here. Did that make him a terrible person?

Kurt, in the other hand, was clearly an amazing kid. Generous, kind and trusting. And Sebastian just wanted to be closer to that goodness, to let it heal him a little. And _yeah_ , he was drunk, and it had been two drunk nights in a row, but he had a small suspicion that was eating him alive.

It was this hunch, this intuition that told him he needed to follow his whim to be in Kurt's arms. Santana's hadn't worked, neither had Lauren's… so what if it were Kurt's the arms he needed right now? What was wrong with that? It was just some arms. Nothing more.

Sebastian lifted a tentative hand and placed it on Kurt's stomach. Kurt startled but didn't say a word, so Sebastian stroked his sides, always over the fabric.

"Is this okay?" Sebastian asked, although he was pretty sure he was crossing the line even if Kurt agreed to this.

Kurt turned around a little to face Sebastian. He nodded, the light from a street lamp that came through the window letting Sebastian contemplate Kurt's silhouette and angles.

Sebastian took a grip on one of Kurt's sides then and came slowly forward to rest his cheek on Kurt's chest. He slid his arms under Kurt's and held on to the boy, searching for something he wasn't even sure what it was.

Almost immediately, Kurt returned the hug and held him, his hands stroking Sebastian's back warmly and his arms… Well, his arms irrevocably becoming the arms that Sebastian would need from now on.

"You're sure this is okay, Kurt?" Sebastian needed to ask once more. He needed to be cautious before he got too comfortable. This was a seventeen-year-old boy, probably too blind by his crush on Sebastian to even think straight, and Sebastian didn't want to feel like he was taking advantage of that. "You don't have to do everything I ask of you."

"Let me make my own decisions" Kurt murmured, caressing Sebastian's comfortingly. "And try to rest. Don't worry about anything else."

Sebastian looked up at him, half startled. Was it possible to be this selfless? He came up a little and brought his face to Kurt's, observing the boy closely. Kurt looked slightly taken aback, but he didn't move an inch.

Sebastian brought his lips to Kurt's cheek and kissed it. Then kissed slightly lower, and lower, until reaching Kurt's chin. Then came the neck, and Sebastian just hid his nose there and inhaled. It was _so_ soft and welcoming. He kissed it with care, then rested his own cheek there, finally willing to let himself relax and drift off. He had found the spot: _this_ was where he needed to be.


	4. Chapter 4

Hi everyone! Thanks for reading and reviewing! That gives me life, really, I'm so grateful to you for giving me some feedback :3

On with the story: life is getting in the way of my writing time and it sucks. Still, I'll keep trying to update at least once a week. I'm so bummed I can't update faster :( In exchange, I'll try to make the chapters longer.

Anyway, happy reading!^^

P.s. I don't own glee or Les chansons d'amour!

* * *

A sudden slam of the door woke up Sebastian. But that wasn't what made him startle. Underneath his skin, there was someone else's – warm and receiving, and Sebastian was suddenly very aware of what a great night of sleep he had just had thanks to that skin. That skin had felt like a true match to his own, but also nurturing and repairing, like a balsam to his body and soul.

And yeah, by now he was also very aware that skin was Kurt's. And it freaked him out a little, but he knew it would freak him out much more if he opened his eyes and acknowledged the situation.

Suddenly the skin was moving underneath him. Sebastian closed his eyes even more tightly and pretended to be asleep, because the fact that he had slept glued to a _seventeen-year-old-boy_ was too much right now.

Unfortunately, his legs had trapped Kurt's somehow. Sebastian decided to take a peek with extreme caution: Kurt's eyes were closed and he looked very dozed. He was trying to get rid of Sebastian's trap on his sleep, and Sebastian felt completely frozen and uncertain as to how to proceed.

The slightest movement would wake up Kurt, and he didn't want to face the boy at all right now. Sebastian knew it wasn't nice, but he was kind of counting on sneaking out on him again if possible. But the lack of actions triggered the inevitable: on his struggle, Kurt woke up on his own and was greeted with Sebastian's stare – and Sebastian damned himself for having his eyes opened.

They stared silently at each other for what it felt like a while, but time was hard to measure when you hadn't been awake for more than a minute or two.

Sebastian wanted to die. His body was _all over_ Kurt's. His legs, his arms, even his cheek! He lifted his head right away, as if burned. He couldn't believe himself. The worst part was… he was _so damn_ comfortable.

Kurt looked really asleep, but his eyes didn't quite hide his emotions. They said he was surprised, but also cheery. Happy to have his mornings disturbed like this.

Sebastian looked away, feeling unsettled. He didn't remember feeling like that when looking at Kurt's eyes before. It was new, it was there and it was freaking him out not knowing why.

He moved aside a little and made place for Kurt. It kind of looked like the poor kid had been sleeping at the edge of bed all night. And Sebastian couldn't say he was surprised: he was known to be a space-robber in bed.

Kurt gave him a small smile and moved his legs freely now.

"Did you sleep well?" Kurt _thankfully_ broke the awkward silence.

"Yeah" Sebastian replied sort of cryptically, then sat down and tried to spot his clothes.

"We were lucky – my parents just left again" the boy commented, relieved. "Fortunately they know better than to barge in my room, otherwise I'd be screwed" he joked.

Sebastian looked at him cautiously. _Yeah_ , he knew what Kurt meant. No minor's parents would be exactly happy to see him lying in bed with a grown man. He wanted to kill himself. But he just nodded for now.

"You're okay?" Kurt asked, giving him some very concerned eyes.

Sebastian's coldness, which was probably derived from his nerves and his actions from last night, melted a little, just a little, when locking eyes with Kurt. It was hard to be mad at someone so nice.

Sebastian sighed, then bit his lip. "You're too permissive."

Kurt frowned, which made Sebastian chuckle, because it made him look much older.

"And now you're laughing at me. Great" Kurt said, kind of annoyed.

"I'm not" Sebastian defended, not very convincingly. "I just- I'd never known someone with so many facial expressions" he explained, still amused. "It's kind of fun to watch."

Kurt narrowed his eyes at him with suspicion now, but eventually gave in. "So if things go wrong with fashion, I can always make a career as a comic actor. Good to know" he said with sarcasm.

Sebastian chuckled again. "With fashion? Really?"

"Yes" Kurt stated rather seriously and amused at the same time, "with fashion. I want to become a fashion entrepreneur and designer. Do you have a problem with that?"

"No, sir" Sebastian snorted. "But clear up something for me, please. Will you design men clothes? Or girls?"

Kurt shot him a pity look and Sebastian almost felt like taking back his words.

"You're lucky you're so handsome, 'cause you're a real tool sometimes" Kurt stated kind of bitchily, which suited him, somehow. "And should I care enough about your ridiculous question, I'd simply say that fashion has no gender."

"Wow" Sebastian made after regarding the boy for a few seconds, still amused but softened. Kurt frowned once more. "You kind of gain when you get all feisty and dignified."

Kurt blushed. "Oh" he lost all the attitude. "Thanks."

 _Cute_ , Sebastian found himself thinking, but immediately shook it off.

"So what is it with your parents never being home?" He asked instead, trying to clear the air.

"Oh, well, it's not like they're never home. My dad is running for congressman, so they've got a lot of appointments and compromises lately" Kurt explained.

"Even on a Sunday?" Sebastian inquired, confused.

Kurt chuckled. "Specially on a Sunday. Weekends are the worst. They've got one casual brunch over here, another casual lunch over there… Which are never that casual, of course."

"Doesn't it get boring for your mom?"

Kurt regarded him for a moment, then smiled to himself, as if he was enjoying a private joke. "All right. So this is the awkward part where I tell you that Carol is not my mom, but Brittany's, and mine died when I was eight. There" he pretended to sigh with relief. "It's better to get that off the way quickly. Like a band-aid" he joked.

Sebastian didn't find it very funny, though, not when it came to loss. But he smiled politely, mostly not to make Kurt feel uncomfortable. "You were very little" he thought out loud. "That sucks, petit. I'm sorry." And he meant it. To have experienced grief at such a young age...

Kurt half shrugged, but shot him a fond smile. "Don't. It's okay. I've made my peaces with that."

Sebastian regarded him somewhat impressed, but said nothing. How did anybody make peaces with something like that?

"You're lucky" Sebastian guessed.

Kurt smiled bitterly and, after a few seconds, added: "That wasn't out of luck. It took some time, you know."

"Of course" Sebastian agreed right away, searching for Kurt's arm. "I didn't mean it was-" he squeezed the arm comfortingly. "I meant it's great, you know- that I'm glad for you."

"Oh- I know, don't worry" Kurt smiled and stroked back Sebastian's hand reassuringly. He looked almost surprised to see Sebastian struggling with words like that. And Sebastian felt slightly unsettled to have Kurt's hand on his own. "I was just saying, that it takes some work and time to get over something like that. But I guess you know what I'm talking about, sadly."

Sebastian let go of Kurt's hand and felt the urge to stand up, taken aback for some reason. He gathered his clothes.

"You're leaving?" Kurt asked, unable to hide his disappointment.

Sebastian zipped up his jeans and looked at him. "Yeah. I've got a couple of deadlines and some chores to do."

"I'd ask if I can come with you, but why bother, right?" Kurt joked, discreetly.

Sebastian regarded the boy and for a brief moment there, he considered it. Then rolled his eyes and put on his sweater.

Kurt just nodded and looked down, defeated.

Sebastian sighed. The lines were blurred enough as it was. And he wasn't willing to see 'em too blurred. He approached the bed and stared at Kurt until the boy returned the look.

"Thank you for everything." For what it was worth, he hoped at least Kurt knew he was very grateful. "I mean it."

"Did you also mean it when you said you'd be out of my life in the morning?" Kurt asked, slightly worried.

Sebastian smirked, somewhat self-conscious. "Didn't you ask me not to promise that and I said 'okay'?"

Kurt smiled coyly. "Yeah."

Sebastian cupped Kurt's cheek with one hand and caressed it. "Give me some credit, okay?" He asked, returning the smile.

Kurt's cheek warmed up on his hand and turned reddish, like an apple, so Sebastian came forwards and kissed it. He wanted to bite it, actually, but there would be no reasonable explanation for that, so he just kissed it and went for the door.

He grabbed the handle and looked back briefly.

"See you?" Kurt asked, hope obviously dancing in his eyes.

"See you" Sebastian agreed.

Sebastian left Kurt's building feeling somewhat disquieted. He knew there were a thousand reasons he should feel like crap for doing what he was doing to Kurt: abusing his good nature and encouraging his feelings. But, somehow, that wasn't what had Sebastian all uneasy.

It was the awakening he had found himself feeling just by looking at Kurt's eyes. He was familiar with that emotion, and it was not even a bad one. It was concerning though when you caught yourself feeling it towards a seventeen-year-old-boy. And it wasn't even the age what disturbed Sebastian anymore, not even the gender… It was that Sebastian was not ready to feel allured to anyone right now.

Sebastian shook it off, though. There was no need to make things any more complicated than they already were. He had enjoyed a repairing night of rest and human warmth. Of course he would feel different towards Kurt after snuggling up to him like that. It was only natural.

 _Don't take things out of proportion_ , Sebastian fought himself.

But when later that night Sebastian closed his eyes and saw Kurt's and felt weirdly calmed and comforted for some reason, he didn't fight it.

He started drifting off immediately after and this time there was no fuss. He didn't even realize it was taking no effort at all. He just fell sleep, and it felt nice. Maybe not as nice as sleeping at Kurt's, but nice anyway.

/

Santana didn't enjoy the easiest weekend. Having your dead ex's mom calling to meet up with you for the first time wasn't exactly something easy-digesting, truth to be told.

She wasn't even sure how the woman had gotten her number, but one thing was for certain: if Santana found out Sebastian had just given it to her, then the boy would be in serious trouble for the rest of his life.

It went without saying, but Santana had been very reluctant about the meeting at first. But this was Julie's mother, _Julie's_ , so how could she even say no? What right did she have to deprive the woman of the little comfort she delusionally thought she could find in meeting Santana?

On Sunday evening, with the phone call still recent and warm, Santana was so nervous she couldn't even concentrate on sex with Brittany. She kept trying to picture different faces for Julie's mom, but all of them looked like a mix between Julie and Mary, and it was really creepy.

One of those faces was just so creepy that it made her wince while Brittany nibbled at her ear.

"Oh, God, Julie, no" Santana mumbled, disgusted.

Brittany took back her tongue and observed Santana with a hurt expression. "What?"

Santana winced again, the image of Julie and Mary clouding her thoughts and making her stomach twirl.

Brittany's jaw fell opened. "Are you serious?!" The blonde shouted, finally catching Santana's attention, who regarded her quite confused. "You're evil" she stood up, annoyed.

Santana felt suddenly cold. _Wait,_ what had just happened?

"Brit?" She asked, tentatively.

But Brittany looked mad. The girl was putting on her clothes and her expression got more childish every minute.

"You're evil" she repeated, getting all red.

"What?!" Santana snapped. "What the hell are you talking about? Brit, don't be ridiculous and come back to bed."

"What for?" Brittany asked. "Doesn't your ex-girlfriend keep you busy enough?"

Santana winced again. "Oh, and I'm evil? Who the hell says something like that?"

"Please, Santana. I know my boobs are not as great as hers, but you could at least pretend that you like 'em" the blonde argued, hurt.

"But I love your boobs, Brit" Santana softened her tone, reaching for Brittany's arm. "Please, come back here."

"You were not even touching them!" The blonde protested. "You just kept mumbling 'Julie'! How do you think that makes me feel? I can't compete with a ghost, Santana. And you know I love ghosts, and I know you love sharing, but I'm not willing to share you with her!" Brittany's lip trembled uncontrollably and the girl teared up. "You're evil. You told me you were over her and you're not. You're evil" she repeated.

Santana couldn't believe her eyes. The only reason she had even started seeing Brittany was because the girl's good nature was too eclipsing not to fall under her spell. And now, this?

"Well, you're evil too" Santana accused her, hurt. "You're just thinking about yourself and you're judging me for no reason, and I want you to get out of here" she said harshly, her throat getting all nodded up.

Brittany regarded her with the most pup-kicked expression Santana had ever seen, and the Latina girl was starting to regret her words already, but Brittany went for the door before she could say anything.

"Fffffffffuck" Santana tumbled down. She hid her head under the pillow. "Ffffffffuck."

She kicked the mattress and punched the cushions. _How the hell did that happen?_ She asked herself, incredulous. Everything with Brittany had been going unusually smooth right from the first moment she saw the blonde, and now _this_? In less than two minutes?

Part of Santana felt incredibly bitter as well. There was this voice in her head that kept murmuring annoying stuff like ' _this was meant to happen_ ', ' _you never moved on from Julie_ ', ' _you started seeing Brittany the very night Julie died!_ '… and so on.

But she didn't think Brittany was right. She had moved on from Julie. The whole reason Santana had been looking to hook up with someone that fateful night was because she was starting to get tired of the whole Sebastian-Julie dynamic. She had never felt too comfortable with those two, even though she loved them. After a while, she had started to feel like the added bonus, like the third-wheel or supplement they rented when things got boring.

And she wanted to be with someone who didn't make her feel like that. Someone who could make her feel like she was more than enough. And God forbid her luck for finding that person that same night. Really, was that supposed to be Santana's fault? _No!_ The way she figured it, the odds were to blame. The odds, God, or whatever force there was out there.

Monday came and went without any calmed or happy moment whatsoever, because Santana was a human bunch of nerves.

She had never met with any girlfriend's parents before. Much less after the girlfriend in question was deceased. And Santana was convinced it would not be any good, so why the hell had she agreed to meeting Violet then?

On a first look, Violet was a fit, small and captivating woman. Santana observed her from the window before joining her at the coffee shop. The woman had red, bright hair like Mary, and almond eyes like Julie, but she dressed quite different from both girls. She wore sport clothes, like she had just finished a jog, and her hair was perfectly tied in a pony tail.

Santana took a deep breath and told herself to suck it up. This was a person. A mother. What was she so afraid of?

The moment she came in, Violet's eyes lifted up and met hers. Santana felt intimidated by her stare, but she was not one to look away.

"Hi" she greeted the woman and offered her hand politely, a little rigid maybe, but _whatever_. "I'm Santana."

The woman observed her with amused eyes and stood up, going for a brief hug instead.

"It's so nice to finally meet you, Santana." Violet's voice was warm and husky, and her hug felt sincere.

Santana returned it awkwardly though. She was not the kind of person that hugged strangers. Or anyone, really.

"It's nice to meet you too" Santana replied a little forced, but sat down and shot her a small smile.

"Well" the woman observed Santana's features a little too closely, as if examining an object she had long waited to get. It was uncomfortable, but familiar. "Aren't you a beauty. I had heard you were pretty, of course, but you're just something else."

Santana blushed and looked down. _Please, Earth, swallow me down_. "Thank you. I guess."

"Oh, please, don't feel uncomfortable around me" the woman shook her head, amicably. "We're like family now, after all."

Santana couldn't help but widen her eyes. _What?_

"I won't keep you for too long" Violet continued, "I guess I just wanted to meet one of the last persons my daughter loved" she smiled, somewhat embarrassed. "And I'm aware how that sounds. And I'm probably meddling with your life, so that's why I'll make this short: I hear that you're close friends with Sebastian, aren't you?"

Santana tried to process all that quickly, but it was kind of hard. Also, she didn't want to admit that the woman was right: that she was certainly meddling with her life and causing a big deal of distress already on her relationships. So she just nodded.

"Well, I don't know if 'close' is a word any of us would use, but we're friends, yeah" Santana admitted. She was positive she wasn't Sebastian's best friend or anything like that.

"Oh, that's good enough" Violent smiled. "He's actually the reason I wanted to meet you, Santana. See, we hadn't seen him for a month or so, but a few days ago he surprised us all with his visit and it was really lovely at first. I mean, we love him like a son, 'cause we've seen him become the remarkable young man that he is."

Santana contained a snort. _Remarkable_ , of course. He wasn't a jack-ass, but he wasn't Saint-bastian either.

"Well, of course you know how he is!" Violet realized, and Santana simply nodded, politely. "But the other day, for some reason… we didn't see him in his best spirits. I mean, none of us are. But he just looked so sad, Santana" the woman emphasized, and there was something about the way she gestured with her hands that felt awkwardly familiar for Santana. "I wish I could quite explain" the woman sighed, running a hand over her hair with concern.

"You mean he didn't look that bad after the funeral" Santana suggested, or more like stated, because she wasn't blind either. And also, she wasn't exactly innocent. After all, she had been the one to incite Sebastian to break down already.

"Exactly" Violent agreed. "He didn't. His strength was just… commendable, wasn't it? He lightened up our house every time he visited us. And seeing him like that was such a source of comfort for us. To know that he was doing well brought peace to our minds, Santana."

Santana felt strangely guilty. But _no_ , she shook her head. That wasn't healthy.

"That was a mask" Santana forced herself to admit. It wasn't easy telling things like this to a woman who loved Sebastian like a son, but it was the truth. "He's been trying to be a rock for everybody except for himself. And now he's… coming down. He needs to."

Violent suddenly grabbed Santana's hand, taking her completely aback. Santana fought the urge to jump in her chair when she saw the intensity on the woman's eyes.

"That's what I feared. Santana, I need to ask you something. Please, _please_ , promise me you're gonna be there for him. He needs someone to support him now, and I'm afraid my family's presence will only difficult his healing process right now."

Santana regarded Violet mutely, shocked even. She hadn't seen anyone so vulnerable before, so genuinely and selflessly concerned.

"Take care of him, will you?" Violet asked and let go of her hand. She looked afflicted, but more calmed now. "Can I count on you with that?"

"Of course" Santana agreed when it became obvious that the woman actually needed her to promise. "That's what I'm already doing, anyway."

Violet sighed then, relieved. "That's good to know" she gave a generous smile, then grabbed her purse and put a couple of dollars on the table. "I'm leaving now, but thank you for your kindness, Santana. It was really lovely to meet you."

Santana stood up and the woman stroked her arm. They locked eyes for a moment with understanding and a few seconds later Violet left.

Santana stood still for a couple of minutes, overwhelmed.

/

"No, you're not paying attention!" Kurt screamed impatiently. "He cupped my cheek and asked me to believe in him!"

"That's even more disturbing, Kurt" Quinn argued, which gained her a scoff from the boy. "Not to mention he actually begged you to sleep with him and then snuggled up to you shamelessly."

"And kissed me" Kurt added, cheerily. "In the cheek, and then in the neck" he stroked his own neck, getting all warm just by remembering it.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "You're seriously concerning. This is a grown man we're talking about" the girl stated with the usual coldness she displayed when arguing. "He's clearly going through some serious stuff, and he doesn't give a damn about dragging you along in the whole mess."

Kurt stood up, annoyed. He didn't like Quinn's reasoning, but she was the only person he had told about Sebastian for some reason. And she wasn't even one of his best friends, or a close one either. Kurt liked to think she had simply been at the right place at the right time, but the truth was she was one of the more mature kids, if not the most, at McKinley, and her insight, however cold and objective, was usually thought-out.

"What mess?" Kurt barked. "God, you make it sound like he's a drug-addict or something."

"No, but he's grieving" Quinn said. "And it's making him selfish, Kurt. Irrational. You're just not being careful at all."

"Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, cold-hearted Quinn!" Kurt pointed a finger at her, tired of her attacks. "He's a person, he's going through a great deal of pain and I'm just helping him! For Gaga's sake. Will it kill you to be a little more understanding?"

"You're head over heels with him" Quinn rolled her eyes. "You're not just doing this to help him. You're also trying to help yourself."

Kurt glared at her, annoyed. "I must have been out of my mind to tell you all of this. Because clearly you're the least empathetic person to ever walk this planet."

Quinn snorted and stood up, calmly smoothing down her skirt. She gathered her books and shot Kurt a cold smile. "See you in glee, Kurt. Have fun entertaining your thoughts."

Kurt couldn't even be bothered to watch her go, he was furious. After a while, though, he was less furious and more worried every second.

It was Tuesday already, and he hadn't heard from Sebastian since Sunday. He worried Sebastian might not be getting any rest at all, depressed or drunk somewhere. He also knew it was none of his business, but Sebastian had made it his business with so many visits at night. And his kisses. _Yeah_. His kisses most definitely had made it his concern.

Kurt knew he shouldn't feed his fantasies by dwelling on the events of Saturday night, but he couldn't help it. He had never slept with someone like that before. Not even with Blaine. Sebastian had turn him into his own personal rock that night, his very source of balance and comfort, and Kurt couldn't help but feel encouraged by that.

Nothing had felt forced between them. Sebastian had just thrown his arms at him and hold on to Kurt like there was no other thing he needed most.

And Kurt wanted to give him what he needed. What was wrong with that? It was consented, mutual and harmless. Quinn was overreacting big time.

After school, Kurt decided to go straight to Sebastian's office. He would surprise Sebastian and it would be the good kind of surprise. Besides, Kurt had the suspicion that Sebastian wanted exactly that from him: to surprise and chase him. He just needed Kurt, period.

Kurt looked at every window in the basement trying to spot Sebastian. Brittany had told him that both Santana and he worked at the basement floor, which often made her feel claustrophobic and uncomfortable.

There was no sign of him, though. Kurt spotted Santana and quickly ran to the corner of the street. That girl scared him for some reason.

Suddenly his phone started buzzing and _Don't cry for me Argentina_ started playing. It was Sebastian. _Wow_. What an interesting timing.

"Hey!" Kurt greeted enthusiastically. "Fancy hearing from you."

"Kurt" Sebastian stated shortly. "What are you doing here?"

Kurt startled. "What-" he looked around. "I came to see you. Where are you?"

"Behind you. Hidden."

Kurt searched everywhere in the street with his eyes, but still didn't see Sebastian. He was probably behind some corner, and it was exciting.

"But where?" Kurt asked, getting uncontrollably nervous.

"Doesn't matter, Kurt" Sebastian said rather coldly. "Don't you have classes? Tests? Papers?"

Kurt swallowed down. Sebastian didn't seem happy at all with his presence. But Kurt wouldn't let that discourage him. "I prefer waiting for you here."

Sebastian sighed. "That's very sweet. _You_ are very sweet. But you need to stop picturing me like this huge mystery you need to solve."

Kurt trembled. "What does that even mean?"

"It means you don't know me, and shouldn't wait for me."

Kurt suddenly spotted him. Sebastian stood under a tunnel at the end of the street, all dressed in black, like an apparition.

"The mystery of your weary gazes…" Kurt thought out loud. "But you cultivate it, you know. It's like you don't really want me to know you..."

Kurt took a few steps closer to him.

"There's no mystery, Kurt" Sebastian insisted, tiredly. "I'm just not in a good place right now. That's all."

"You just say that to keep your distance. To keep this barrier between us" Kurt protested, somewhat scared. "But you need to advance" Kurt took another step in his direction, summoning all his strength to be brave now. "To cover the distance between you and me..."

He took two steps more, and now he could almost see Sebastian's eyes. Sebastian stared right at him, defiantly, and didn't say a word for half a minute or so. The silence was making Kurt too self-conscious of his previous words.

"You'll have to be bold for that" Sebastian finally said, _thankfully_. "I won't make it easy for you."

Kurt's insides twirled and his heart almost stopped. "Then you'll have to be less cold" Kurt said, tentatively. Even though he had dared to come here and chase Sebastian, not in Kurt's wildest dreams he would have hoped Sebastian would actually want him to do it. "Less defensive. You're always standing your ground as if I could even think of hurting you. You don't need to do that around me" Kurt promised, almost in a whisper. "You just need to trust me."

Sebastian sighed. "You're so determined to tell me what I need. Things don't work like that" he defended, his tone turning harsher within seconds.

Kurt's throat got tighter, and he made the impossible to keep his tone unaltered. "That's not- that's not what I meant, I-" he babbled, nervously.

"You think that I need you, Kurt. It's not that hard to guess. You're not that big of a mystery yourself. And you should know, this mystery doesn't need your arms these days. I- I don't really need anything at all. From you or anybody."

Kurt trembled again, confused. He didn't understand anything. For every step forward Sebastian took, he also took two steps backwards. "What? Sebastian, why- why are you being so cold again? I don't understand you." It was so frustrating to witness Sebastian's shifts. So unfair.

"Exactly" Sebastian said, exasperated. "You don't, Kurt. Give it a rest, _please"_ he almost beg.

Kurt hung up right away, feeling absolutely hurt, and ran until he left Sebastian behind, not even looking him in the eye. He turned around then, at the middle of the tunnel, and shouted: "Asshole!"

/

Sebastian remained still at the tunnel for almost ten, fifteen minutes. He didn't have the courage to turn around and watch Kurt go. Not even after that loud 'asshole'. Because he was for sure feeling like an asshole, but he was also pissed. At himself, at Julie, at Kurt. At the world.

But mostly at himself. Kurt made Sebastian feel _so_ conflicted. Maybe Sebastian needed some of Kurt's healing heat, because he had certainly been cold lately. But sometimes too much heat could be overwhelming, and sometimes Kurt was just too much, with the chasing and all.

He was, after all, a teenager. Too impressionable, too crazy, too alive. And, while it was nice to watch and be reminded of those feelings, it also made Sebastian feel inadequate. He was getting better, more alive and less numb, but he wasn't quite there yet.

And he might be regretting being so harsh on Kurt now, but life was too much to handle for him some days.

Sebastian leaned on the wall and let out a big sigh. He needed life to get easier and it wasn't happening fast enough. He could feel himself slightly closer to break down every day, and the waiting was killing him. He just wanted to get on with that already so he could move on for once and for all.

Suddenly he felt a tap on his shoulder, and turned around almost hopeful that it would be Kurt. But it wasn't. It was Santana.

"Sebastian, what are you doing here?" The girl asked. She had her arms folded and a strangely concerned expression.

Sebastian regarded her silently for a second or two, conflicted.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"I uh-" he looked around, confused. "No" he admitted, tiredly. His back slipped along the wall and he sat down on the pavement. "Oh, you don't have to-" he started to mumble as Santana sat down right next to him, but the girl shrugged.

"It's okay. I'm not having the best day either" she sighed. "Can't we not talk about it, though?"

"Absolutely." Sebastian leaned his head on her shoulder, and Santana leaned hers over Sebastian's. They stayed like that for a while, in comforting silence.

Fall was getting colder, and the air brushed Sebastian's face and made him shiver. Soon it would be winter, and another season would be spent in trying to forget Julie. In blood and tears. It was exhausting.

"Does it ever end?" Sebastian found himself asking. "The pain? The block?"

"Yeah" Santana lifted her heard, and regarded him with struggling eyes. "Of course it does. You know, sometimes I think it's so freaking unfair" she mumbled.

"Me too" Sebastian agreed, but Santana frowned.

"No, you don't. You actually think you deserve the hell you're going through. That it's only natural to feel this miserable because you loved her."

"Hey" Sebastian protested, "don't put words in my mouth. Besides, weren't you the one who said I needed to break down? Well, watch me, Santana. I finally am" he chuckled under his breath, bitterly.

The girl stood up. "Urgh. Yeah, maybe. Hell if I know. Maybe you've had enough already, haven't we all?" She asked to herself. "It's not even fair" she screamed, annoyed. "I mean, it's not like we killed her or something. She was here, next minute she wasn't. It was a freaking mistake of human nature! There's not a reason for what happened and there's nothing we can do about it. So why should we be sad forever?"

Sebastian observed her mutely. She looked so mad. Probably even madder than him.

"Did anything happen?" He asked, cautiously. "I mean- you're the one who's handling this right, we can't both be done all of a sudden" he joked.

Santana stared at him for a moment, very intensely, then grabbed his arm without a warning and dragged him out of the tunnel. "We're not. We're absolutely not."

/

Apparently Santana's way of showing life that she wasn't done was to get heavily wasted. She dragged Sebastian to a bar close to her apartment and, as soon as they got there, she screamed:

"The Golden Mile!"

Sebastian frowned and she ordered two pints.

"Okay, Slut-stian. Let it not be said that Santana Lopez's done before she's accomplished the Golden Mile. Cheers."

Sebastian raised his pint and drank, mimicking her, then had to ask.

"Care to tell me what's the Golden Mile?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "God, why are we even friends? You haven't watched "The World's End", have you?" She asked with disdain, then sighed. "Damn, no wonder I'm so done lately. I've been hanging out with you way too long."

"Ha freaking ha" Sebastian scoffed. "Is this how you're gonna be the rest of the night? 'Cause let me tell you, there's really no need at all for us to hang out. Unless… _wait_ " he empathized, pretending to get all thoughtful. "Whatever happened to Brittany? Did she also get tired of dealing with you?"

Santana glared at him harshly, then emptied down the rest of her pint. "Finish your pint. Bar number one: checked."

"So" the Latina girl finally explained once they were on their way to the second bar. "There's such thing as a 'golden mile' that entails a total amount of twelve bars in one night. You think you're up for the challenge, stud? Or have you lost your cool? 'Cause the Sebastian I remember fought me for the last glass of Tequila every night. Any luck there's a slight remaining ounce of that Sebastian somewhere in there?" She asked, jokingly.

Sebastian observed her half surprised, half intimidated. "Twelve bars? One pint per bar?"

Santana smirked, maliciously. "That was just foreplay. How about we raise the bar to twelve pints _and_ six shots?"

Sebastian chuckled, shocked. "Are you really that desperate to get wasted?"

Santana punched him in the chest. "Aren't you?"

Sebastian sighed. "All right. Let's get this mile started."

Santana laughed. "Yeah! That's what I'm talking about."

"So, you've never tried this before?" He asked, curious.

"Yeah, several times" she lamented. "Never completed it, though."

Sebastian chuckled. "Never? Well, well. You're gonna lose the title, San-bad-ass."

"Right. We'll talk when we're on the eighth bar. _If_ you can still talk by then" she smirked.

Indeed, by the time they reached the fifth bar of the _torturing_ mile, Sebastian couldn't even stand. They had spent almost one hour at the fourth one, kicking some amateurs asses at foosball and having the time of their lives together. _God_ , Sebastian couldn't remember the last time he had so much fun with Santana, and it felt incredibly nice.

She was right. They were not even close to _done_. They've still got a hell lot to offer. Just _you wait_.

"But my boyfriend Kurt thinks I shouldn't do it. What do you think? Should I get the tattoo anyway?" A brunette that Sebastian had (apparently) been talking to for half an hour asked him.

He startled. _Kurt_.

"Sorry?" He asked, dumbly.

"The tattoo" the girl insisted. "I wanna get a spider, but he's such a scary cat, my boyfriend. He thinks it would be creepy, but I think it would be awesome. Don't you?" She asked excitedly.

"I'm sorry, dear" Sebastian waved a hand trying to dismiss her. "I wish I gave a damn about your tattoos, but I kinda don't."

Santana burst out laughing and the brunette girl looked seriously pissed off.

"You're a major asshole, you know" she told him off, offended. "You're lucky my boyfriend Kurt isn't here, or-"

"Yeah, yeah, Mary Jane – we don't care" Santana turned her back at her and faced Sebastian. "Want a shot?"

"Which one is this?" He asked, conflicted. His stomach was starting to feel weak.

"Fifth, I think" she tried to recall, then shrugged. "Whatever. I'm going to the ladies. Order two and I'll have both if you're too much of a wussy" she shot him a pity look.

Sebastian gave her an ironic smile, then groaned.

 _Kurt_. Yeah, he had been a _major_ asshole, hadn't he? But it was nothing a text message wouldn't fix, wasn't it? Besides, there was something about being drunk and texting that seemed just _oh_ so tempting.

To Kurt: _Are you mad at me?_

Sebastian pressed 'send' and sighed. Well, he would certainly feel better if Kurt wasn't hating him right now. But _whatever_. It wasn't _that big of a deal_. He would survive.

Except that a few minutes went by and he got no response from Kurt.

 _It must be the signal_ , he thought, and clumsily stood up and went for the door, not even thinking about Santana, the beers, the shots or anything, really.

Also, time was behaving kind of funnily. He felt like he had been outside for almost fifteen minutes, but it couldn't have been more than three. And still he had no answer from Kurt.

To Kurt: _I sent you a text but I think I have no signal. Reply if you can't read me._

The sight of a really disgusting rat triggered Sebastian's gag reflex, and he had to sit down on the pavement.

"Fffffuh" Sebastian lamented, "I'm so drunk."

Suddenly his phone buzzed, and he reached for it frenetically.

From Kurt: _That makes no sense. How would I know to reply if I don't get your text in the first place? And yes, I am mad at you. Goodnight._

Sebastian smiled, cheekily. _Oh, well_. The boy had a temper. That was _cute_.

To Kurt: _Don't_ _smarty-pants me, young man. Cool yo._

From Kurt: _I seriously want to punch you right now._

To Kurt: _You wanna do me more than that._

Sebastian giggled, childishly, then a body almost fell over him.

"You cheap bastard!" Santana shouted. "I'm not paying for any more rounds. You either buy the next seven, or you take me home, 'cause I could also do with some fries. Couldn't you?"

"Oh _yes_ " Sebastian nodded, understandingly. "Let's get a cab, go!"

From Kurt: _Go to hell. Talk to me when you're sober._

Sebastian frowned. Well, that was _not_ the answer he was expecting, to be honest. He sat at the back of the cab while Santana interrogated the driver about where to get the best fries in town.

To Kurt: _HEY. I was kidding. C'mon, don't be like that._

"Seb, who are you texting?" Santana raised an eyebrow at him, all nosy.

"None of your business" Sebastian stuck out his tongue and hid his phone, protectively. He did not have the slightest desire to share any of the goodness that Kurt was with the girl. None of it.

"Whatever, jeez" Santana rolled her eyes and looked forward. "You're so insufferable when you're drunk."

"You're so insufferable when you're drunk" Sebastian mimicked her and pinched her sides, gaining a slap in both hands.

To Kurt: _HEY._ _Rude._

From Kurt: _What the hell do you want from me?_

Sebastian read the last text a couple of times until it sank in. _Wow_. He was screwing up big time, wasn't he? He needed to fix this.

To Kurt: _Okay, you were right to call me asshole._ _I just need you not to hate me. Please. Could you do that for me?_

He got off the cab and followed Santana to a tacky diner. He had lost his appetite, though.

"San, I think 'm gonna call it a night."

Santana widened her eyes at him. "Are you seriously so selfish you can't even wait until I've got my fries to go home?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "God, FINE. Only because tonight was fun. Although we didn't talk much about it."

"About what?" Santana asked distractedly while checking the menu.

"Brittany. Julie. Whatever" he shrugged.

"Sometimes, Seb, there's really no need to talk" she ignored him.

Sebastian sighed. His phone buzzed.

From Kurt: _Okay, but I don't wanna talk to you right now._

To Kurt: _That's good enough. Sometimes there's really no need to talk._

From Kurt: _Could you do something for me now? Get yourself a cab and go home. Try to stay away from alcohol for a while._

Sebastian smiled. A heavy weight whose existence he was not aware of left his chest.

To Kurt: _Good to know that you still care :)_ _Sweet dreams, petit._

"God, you're so obvious with your silly flirty eyes" Santana rolled her eyes. "That's why you wanted to ditch me, isn't it? You got yourself a booty call?"

Sebastian observed her somewhat shocked. "I did not" he said, outraged. "But don't worry, San" he threw an arm around her shoulders and squeezed her until she made a disgusted face, "I'm crashing at your place tonight."

From Kurt: _:) good night_

That night, Sebastian slept at Santana's. They didn't talk much on their way home, but they ate like animals and fought for the sheets like in the good old days.

"Let's make a deal not to sleep together anymore" Santana said with a yawn after a couple of minutes of struggle.

"Deal" Sebastian agreed, then kissed her cheek.

"I mean it, though" Santana gave him a tired expression. "A part of me is actually done with the whole Julie thing, you know. It's no good for me right now. And I need good. You know what I mean?"

"Strangely, I do" Sebastian regarded her for a moment, but decided not to add anything else. Again, some things were better left unsaid. Unshared.


	5. Chapter 5

Hi guys! Again, thanks for reading and reviewing :) I hope you're enjoying the story so far.

Now, my life sucks a lot lately and I've got no time to write :( That's why it's taking me longer to update, sorry. I just finished this chapter and wanted to share it with you, so sorry for possible typos and grammar mistakes. English is not my first language, so there'll be tons.

Happy reading!

* * *

From Kurt: _Today I'm_ _focusing_ _all my energ_ _ies_ _in wishing you a very bad and painful h_ _a_ _ngover._

Sebastian chuckled quietly while he devoured his third big jammy glass of water at the office.

The way he kept getting wasted lately was starting to be somewhat concerning. Apparently he wasn't one to be bothered with trifles like having a job to attend to, no. And neither did Santana. They were both walking zombies all day, glued to their sunglasses and taking discreet naps whenever they got the chance.

But turning into a potential irresponsible loser wasn't what concerned Sebastian the most, to be honest. His main concern had more to do with the fact that he had never been much of a drinker in the first place. Apart from the occasional drink on the weekend, he didn't even have beer or wine on a regular basis. Nor he enjoyed alcohol as much as other people did.

And he wasn't that thick either. He knew what he was doing. He was merely turning to alcohol to ease his recently heightened grief and pain. But why now? And when would it stop? When would it come the final break down?

Probably because of Sebastian's worries, it was kind of nice getting a sudden text message. It was a rather strange feeling too. Your pocket buzzed and you felt like the world had suddenly remembered about you and was bringing you back to the spotlight where you belonged…

But it wasn't something Sebastian was used to feel. He never texted anyone, not even Julie back in the day. He could only remember having fun texting when he was single, and it was weird because he actually loved flirty texting and/or sexting.

But that wasn't what Kurt and he were doing, _dear Lord,_ _no!_ At least, not yet.

To Kurt: _Well, well. See who woke up all feisty. Y_ _ou're a_ _mouthy_ _little bad boy now, aren't ya._

Sebastian couldn't help himself. Teasing Kurt was just too easy and too much fun. And harmless. Granted, he couldn't see the boy's reactions: his flushed neck, his blushed cheeks… but still, Sebastian had enough material by now to picture it in his head.

From Kurt: _Wow. You still drunk, huh?_

To Kurt: _Nope?_

Still Sebastian felt like maybe he didn't. Like maybe he needed some more material. Some more facts and details about Kurt to picture him more accurately. But how would anyone go about that? Their meetings had all been so random and circumstantial. How did anyone go from sleeping together to asking out on a casual coffee? Wasn't that, like, going backwards? Not that Sebastian wanted to go forwards in any way. But… what if he wanted to?

Sebastian scoffed. _Okay_ , this was what he _didn't_ want to. Hashing things over like this. Getting all anxious. He didn't have the energy.

 _Let's just text for now_ , Sebastian decided, _texting is harmless._

From Kurt: _Oh, so you just talk like that to teenage boys you don't like on a regular basis. I see._

To Kurt: _Exactly ;)_

From Kurt: _Jerk._

To Kurt: _Tha_ _t's asshole to you, kiddo._

From Kurt: _That_ _'s petit to you, asshole._

Sebastian smiled in spite of himself. He undeniably had his doubts about what he was doing. But it had been too long since he had been his old careless, fun self. Life had been too difficult lately. Wasn't it time it got easy-going again? Weren't things sometimes as simple as going with the flow?

To Kurt: _Fine by me, petit trésor._

Sebastian put his phone aside, though. Sometimes, for every step he took forwards… he felt the need to slow down again. So he tried to focus on his article again. He had four pieces to write before he could even think of going home and sleeping it off; and texting like a teenager, however fun, would not make the pieces go away.

From Kurt: _I like texting Sebastian. He's fun_ _:)_

It took Sebastian about thirty seconds to attend his phone, breaking his unspoken promise to focus on the article. But it was worth it. Sebastian grinned.

To Kurt: _Don't let that go to his head. He might get all full of himself and we don't want that._

From Kurt: _Speak for yourself! I do want him like that._ _He's normally so contained around me... I kinda like him drunky jerk and all._

Sebastian gulped down. It shouldn't come as a surprise that Kurt _liked_ him. But still, reading it twice in two minutes was a little bit intimidating.

And also, it put the whole 'texting is harmless' thing into perspective. _Shit got real_ , so to speak.

To Kurt:

Sebastian seriously tried to come up with any kind of answer but he couldn't. His mouth was getting all dry, and it wasn't just because of the hangover. He was playing with fire, wasn't he? Suddenly he missed the days when he thought the lines were not too blurred yet. And he startled when he realized it hadn't been longer than a week since he first met the kid. _Wow_.

And what a week it had been. Before Brittany's party, Sebastian had been perfectly comfortable in his uneventful post-Julie life. Sleepless, numbed and quiet. He honestly could not recall a single event from two weeks ago, yet he could remember every event from last week quite clearly.

He hadn't realized until now, but it all had been triggered somehow from that first night at Kurt's. From that first encounter with that odd looking kid with sharp blue eyes and funny bows that chased him in the street like a silly teenager.

So much had changed, somehow. It was unsettling.

/

These days, Kurt thought of himself as an idiot. A hopeless one.

Sebastian confused him. And the worst part was Kurt couldn't really say he felt like a toy. Like Sebastian's personal toy. No, it wasn't even that real.

He felt more like a concept. Like an idea Sebastian amused himself with. Seriously, what else could it be? Sebastian seemed to enjoy teasing and playing around with him, but nothing had even happened.

Kurt was certain there was something going on between them, though, now more than ever. But all he could see and perceive was the potential. And it frustrated him how that potential never got unfolded.

And also, he started to see Quinn's point. Sebastian was kind of a mess. Troubled. It was too obvious now to deny it. He incited Kurt, then sent him away. What kind of adult did that?

But Kurt had decided to fight for him, despite all that. He had decided to go all in with Sebastian, and that implied being vulnerable and telling him it was okay: Sebastian had his permission to toy around with him and that was okay, because Kurt liked him and wanted to be there for him.

When Sebastian showed no reaction whatsoever to Kurt's text, at first it hurt a little. Mostly, because it made Kurt feel wrong. Unwanted. But this seemed to work like a game that always came back to him when he was about to quit it.

That was why when Kurt finally got a response from Sebastian two days later, he wasn't actually very surprised. He was mad. And hurt. But not surprised.

From Sebastian S.: _I'm thinking we should probably meet._

Desperate, Kurt phoned Finn. He had had enough of Quinn's cold reasoning.

"Hey" Finn's sleepy voice greeted him. Kurt rolled his eyes. It was only six.

"Finn, hurry, I need you to be awake" Kurt implored his best friend with little to no kindness at all.

Finn yawned carelessly. "That tone's not gonna make do anything faster..."

"Finn" Kurt stated, annoyed.

"But that one will" Finn chuckled, "what's up?"

"Finn, I come to you in desperate need of advice" Kurt said, dramatically. "I'm falling in love with someone, and he's such a mess..."

"Whoa- whoa- whoa- _what?!_ " Finn sounded impossibly sharp and surprised. "Who are we talking about? Is it- Oh, not you too, man. Is it Sam? I don't know how else to say this: he's not gay, Kurt. You guys need to leave him alone, you're gonna scare him!"

Kurt wouldn't take Finn's shit. " _God_ \- I'm so done with you thinking my gayness makes people feel uncomfortable!" Kurt bit back. "But I don't have time for that now!" He protested. "Are you gonna help me out or not?"

"Shit" Finn sighed. "Sorry, bro. I thought you were talking about him. It's all right, though. Just tell me, then."

"You don't know this guy, okay?" Kurt couldn't help but still sound irritated. He realized he needed to ease his tone if he wanted Finn to actually empathize with his situation, though. "He's- he's older. A friend of my sister. And it's complicated. Like, I'm not even sure he likes me, but he keeps texting me and I-"

"Exhibit A" Finn cut him, getting all detective-like, which kind of cheered Kurt up.

"That's kind of exhibit B, actually. Exhibit A would be he's been crashing at my place lately. At my room, actually."

"Your room?" Finn asked, shocked. "Holy shit- how come you haven't told me about any of this before?" The boy sounded breathless. "Did you- ssshit. Did you guys…?"

"No, we didn't" Kurt rolled his eyes. "I would have told you that."

"Not that I'd like to know the details, but still" Finn scoffed, dignified. "At least I'd expect you to tell me-"

"Finn, we didn't!" Kurt cut him, exasperated. "Focus! Please!" He urged the boy. "We have shared my bed, though. But that's it. And he keeps showing up late at night, drunk. And drunk-texts me. Flirty texting. You know? But he doesn't even like me. He just jokes and teases me because he's depressed."

"Wait- he's depressed? Kurt, c'mon. Give yourself some credit, a guy doesn't have to be depressed to want to hang out with you-"

"I know that, idiot!" Kurt chuckled in spite of himself. Finn had a way to mess with his nerves. "I meant he's depressed, like real depressed! His girlfriend just died. Oh, and also, I'm not even sure he likes guys. So yeah, I'd say I'm pretty much screwed, because I chased him in the street like an idiot, asked him to take my number and _oh_ _sweet Gaga_ , I even went to his office and he shut me down _big time_."

"Ouch" Finn sounded pained. "He did… I- Shit, I don't know. You can't go chasing guys like that, Kurt. But he's been chasing you too. You should definitely make sure he likes guys first, though. _Yeah_ , definitely, that's what I'd do first- 'cause if he doesn't like peanuts, then why even bother, right? Just ask him."

Kurt went mute for a few seconds. Strangely enough, he hadn't even stopped to think about Sebastian's sexuality. He hadn't considered it relevant, to be honest.

" _Okay_ , I know what you're gonna say, but I just- I just don't think that's a problem-"

"Kurt, not again!" Finn protested.

"No, but hear me out! This time is different!" Kurt defended, "He just seems too smart to even be bothered with stuff like that. I don't think he's straight. Or gay. I think he's neither."

"How can you be neither?" Finn asked, confused. "That doesn't make any sense at all."

"Finn, it does. _God_ , sometimes I forget how much we've got to work on before I let you out in that wild adult world. Sexuality labels don't necessarily apply to everyone. They're functional, but not determining."

Kurt knew this was too much for Finn to take in so quickly. So he didn't push it.

"Look, let's skip that for now. The thing is: he just texted me to meet up now. What should I do?" Kurt asked, nervously.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait… He asked you out?" Finn asked, surprised. "Why didn't you start with that? Kurt, _listen to me,_ you need to go."

"But Finn-"

"No, no, no, no. You're gonna go. 'Cause we both know, you wanna go. You would regret it forever if you didn't. So go, text him and meet up with him again. Don't waste your time talking to me, just _go_."

"But how can you see it so clearly?" Kurt sighed, defeated. "I don't even know what he wants. It's not like he asked me on a date. He's probably bored, or drunk again."

"So be it" Finn argued. "Let him be drunk or bored! But don't miss on opportunities. Seriously, this is the first time you're telling me about a guy and the guy has actually asked you out. You need to go. He wants to see you. You'll figure out the rest later. You ain't gonna gain anything by not going. Think about it."

"Yeah, maybe" Kurt conceded, uncertain. "I guess I should just go."

"Yeah, we both know you should. We also know you didn't call to tell me all about it in two freaking minutes, no- you'll do that tomorrow. You called me because you're dying to go now and you need a little push. So here's your push, Kurt. _Go_ meet him, and we'll think of something tomorrow."

Kurt chuckled. "That's like our worst plan ever" he joked. "Act first, plan later."

Finn chuckled too. "It works for me sometimes. But hey, play hard to get. Don't just agree right away. Make him work for it."

"I'll try my best" Kurt said nervously.

/

To Kurt: _I'm thinking we should probably meet._

This time it was Sebastian who texted first. It had been two days since he hadn't responded to Kurt, and he was starting to worry that the boy would get mad at him again.

It was quite strange. The way Sebastian felt compelled and repelled at the same time towards Kurt was quite contradictory. And yet, it kept him _asking_ for more.

From Kurt: _Let's see if I get this right for once: you're gonna get hammered, need a place to crash and someone to confuse with your mixed signals._

Sebastian contained a bitter smile. So Kurt knew what his game was. _Okay_ , he could understand the boy. But it wasn't like that anymore. It hadn't even been like that before. Sebastian had just been acting rather randomly. In general. His interactions with life as a human being had been a total disaster lately. Kurt had simply been a casualty.

To Kurt: _Okay. F_ _orget about it._

Kurt might have Sebastian compelled somehow but that didn't mean Sebastian had the energy to beg the kid for his time.

And _yeah_ , Sebastian was aware he had been an asshole. But he had apologized. And the last thing he wanted to deal with was teenage drama. _Give me a freaking break_ , he thought annoyed while he tried to focus again on his task at hand: a very boring article on green juices.

Besides, Kurt seemed like the kind of person who was more than happy to give you a piece of his mind. So Sebastian just waited. He was certain his phone would buzz any moment with another furious text from the boy. _For sure_ it would.

But it didn't. An hour passed and it freaking didn't. And it irritated him.

To Kurt: _You're kind of an ass._

Sebastian had to keep himself from texting something much ruder. But he actually managed to keep it high-school like. He mentally slapped himself.

From Kurt: _And you're the most childish adult I've ever met._

Sebastian scoffed quite loudly, gaining himself some glances from his coworkers. They all looked away quickly except for Santana, who narrowed her eyes at him. Sebastian rolled his eyes.

To Kurt: _Shit happens when you hang out with teenagers I hear._

Sebastian felt conflicted. He kind of didn't want to argue with Kurt. He actually just wanted some harmless flirty texting. Nothing else. Why did Kurt have to make it so difficult?

From Kurt: _You only hear what you wanna hear, but whatever._

For a moment, Sebastian felt disoriented. He couldn't believe the situation he had gotten himself into. Dealing with drama and shit. He sighed.

To Kurt: _What's that supposed to mean?_

From Kurt: _It means stop texting me if you're scared to hear I like you._

 _Oh_.

Sebastian found himself feeling guilty. But not because of Kurt. He felt guilty he was being a coward. Kurt was right, he was scared. The whole reason he hadn't replied to Kurt's text two days ago was he hadn't found it in himself to admit he liked the boy back. This situation kept getting more and more complicated every second, and it made him feel vertigo.

But he didn't want Kurt to think he was scared. What kind of encouragement would that be for the kid? No matter how complicated things were getting, Sebastian still needed to see him at least one more time. And he couldn't explain himself why.

To Kurt: _I'm not. And I guess that's your problem. Now, can you go back to being your nice, cute self?_

From Kurt: _What's my problem? I am my nice, cute self!_ _I can be mad at you while being so, you know._

To Kurt: _I meant it's your problem if you like me._ _And y_ _ou_ _also_ _like being mad at me a little too much, I think_ _._

From Kurt: _You make me confused u.u and I get mad. And I like you even when I'm mad. Not just when you're being cute and nice. Which is kind of never so far._

Sebastian finally relaxed. This was the Kurt he needed. Sweet and nice. He knew it was not fair to deprive the boy of his right to be mad, or unkind, or whatever. But _again_ , it was Kurt's problem if he liked Sebastian and wanted to comply.

To Kurt: _That's kind of sad :_ _(_ _I've been a very bad teenage crush to you, haven't I._

From Kurt: _Yes. Wouldn't kill you to be nicer. Or clearer._

To Kurt: _Well, I just asked you out and you declined my offer.._

From Kurt: _First things first. You've got nothing to say back to me?_

Sebastian chuckled. _For real?_ How silly could Kurt be? Sebastian didn't remember the last time he had told someone 'I like you'. It seemed so far away on the past, and yet it felt like such an urgent feeling.

To Kurt: _… You're so silly. You really need me to say it?_

From Kurt: _I'm being insecure, not silly, and I think I have reasons to be._ _Sebastian,_ _I have no idea where I stand with you._

Sebastian bit his lip. He was being so selfish with this whole thing. Like, honestly, _so selfish_. And sometimes it felt like he didn't even care. He just wanted Kurt's goodness all for himself right now. And the way he was going about it wasn't exactly the most righteous.

Kurt had every reason to feel insecure. And it broke Sebastian's heart a little to realize that. The kid had been so brave…

To Kurt: _You stand right by my side. Your arms all around me._ _That's how much I like you, Kurt._

There was no answer to that, which took Sebastian by surprise, to be frank. Was that Kurt's way to get back at him? The boy made him let his guard down, be vulnerable for a moment, and then paid him by ignoring him? It made Sebastian feel played. Kurt didn't strike him as a person who would like pay backs. The thing he liked about Kurt was that the boy made him feel safe. So what was this about?

As soon as Sebastian left the office, though, he was greeted with the sight of Kurt's slim figure. The boy had both hands in his pockets and was looking down distractedly. He looked nervous, insecure.

Sebastian observed him for a while, from a distance. His breathing got quieter. It was somehow comforting seeing someone struggling like he was doing himself.

Kurt finally looked up and caught his stare.

"Hey" the boy smiled shyly, stopping three feet away from Sebastian.

"Hey" Sebastian returned the smile.

Kurt held his stare, and they just stood there in front of each other rather awkwardly, but at the same time allured not to move one inch away.

Sebastian was still kind of puzzled. "What are you doing here?" He asked, dumbly. It was pretty obvious he was the reason why.

Kurt gave him a small smile and fidgeted nervously. "You told me to be bold, so…" Sebastian couldn't help but soften his stare, feeling somewhat pleased. "How am I doing so far?" Kurt asked, jokingly.

"Not bad" Sebastian conceded, his lips curling up mindlessly. "Yeah."

Kurt regarded him with a funny expression, probably surprised that Sebastian wasn't adding anything else, and Sebastian was seriously considering slapping himself for being so damn uptight when the door suddenly opened behind him and hit him in the back.

"Who the hell stands at the very exit-" Santana was already grumbling until she noticed Kurt. Her eyes fell then on Sebastian, but found their way back to Kurt quickly. She frowned. "Huh. Brittany sent you here, didn't she?"

Sebastian, whose heart had been beating furiously up until that moment, scared that Santana had caught on them before there was even anything to be caught on, couldn't help but shake his head and ask: "What?" at unison with Kurt.

"That's right. Don't play dumb" Santana pointed a finger at Kurt. "Isn't that why you're here? She sent you, didn't she? She sent you because she's too afraid to come herself!" Santana yelled.

Sebastian stroked her arm. "Whoa-whoa, stop right there, woman. Why would Brittany be afraid to come? Are you ever gonna tell me what happened between you two?"

Santana got rid of Sebastian's grip and cast him an annoyed look. "Well, not right now, dumb-ass. Not in front of his evil brother. _Evil_ , that's right. You can tell her that I said that: _evil_! And here" she shook her bag frenetically trying to fish out something, "here" she repeated, then handed Kurt over a set of keys, "you can give her back the keys and tell her to stick them up her tight ass!" Santana barked, then shot both boys a furious glare and stormed off.

Sebastian and Kurt exchanged a couple of looks and watched her go confused.

"She's so scary" Kurt commented on a whisper. He looked certainly scared.

Sebastian chuckled. "Nah. She's just got a lot of attitude going on. She's harmless, really."

Kurt didn't seem very convinced, and his gaze was still after the girl, distracted. "If you say so."

Sebastian suddenly noticed the keys on Kurt's hands. It didn't even seem like Kurt was aware he was holding them until the boy caught Sebastian's gaze and followed his eyes.

They stared at each other then, both dubious and conspiratorial. Sebastian wondered if he was starting to imagine things or they were both thinking the same.

Either way, Sebastian slowly covered Kurt's hand with his own and stroked it. Kurt gave him a knowing smile, a smile that told Sebastian they were both on the same page.

Sebastian took the set of keys, fidgeted with them a little and finally kept them in his pocket. He smiled at Kurt without reservations then.

"Are your parents home tonight?" Sebastian asked in a low, confidential tone, even though they were alone. He even took a few steps closer, looking for secrecy.

Kurt seemed to have his breath caught, and his eyes got somewhat wider, so it took him a few seconds to react. "No. They're not" he said nervously.

Sebastian smirked. "Is Brittany?"

Kurt hesitated. "I'm not sure" he admitted, casting Sebastian an apologetic look that made him feel somewhat too demanding.

"It's okay" Sebastian stroked Kurt's arm, trying to remind himself to slow down a bit. "Go home and text me when it's clear, okay?"

"Okay" Kurt breathed out, his neck getting all flushed. "You know, I could-" he stopped midway, tentative, "go to your place too."

"We could also go to a bar" Sebastian chuckled, trying to ease Kurt's tension. "I mean it's not like we can only see each other when there's a bed involved" he joked.

Kurt blushed then and laughed along, self-conscious. "I know that, idiot" he narrowed his eyes at Sebastian. "But it's what you keep proposing."

Sebastian smirked and scratched his chin, thoughtfully. "Is it? You never seemed to complain before."

Kurt punched Sebastian's side playfully. "I'm not complaining now either, though" he admitted with a… was that- was that a _cheeky_ smile? Sebastian smirked, pleased.

"Let's keep our encounters at bed, then" Sebastian suggested mischievously, more to see Kurt's reaction than anything else. Kurt's pupils dilated frenetically. "I'm joking" Sebastian added, happy to have an excuse to stroke Kurt's arm again.

Kurt shot him an ironic smile. "Great. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself."

"You're not?" Sebastian asked flirtatiously, taking one final step in Kurt's direction. "Careful what you wish for, Kurt. You might get what you so boldly chased" he chuckled under his breath, feeling finally _back_ in the game and happy to be in it. Sebastian used to consider himself a _flirty motherfucker_ , and it was really nice to feel like that again.

Kurt didn't know what to do with himself and it was somewhat endearing to watch. His stare tried to fix on Sebastian's eyes but kept lowering down to his lips nervously. Sebastian noticed, and the look of scare on Kurt's eyes told him something he hadn't quite realized before: even if Kurt was indeed chasing him, it didn't mean that it was something that came natural to the boy. It was actually taking him a great effort.

Sebastian decided to cut the boy some slack and took a step back. _Whatever happened to 'let's just text', 'texting is harmless',_ _you_ _dumb-ass?_ He told himself off.

But suddenly Kurt's hands were grabbing his collar and his lips were all over Sebastian's own. Sebastian widened his eyes in shock for a moment, startled, but felt compelled to close them quite quickly. Mostly, because Kurt's lips felt warm and nice, and he liked the tender way they moved over his own once the kiss got less sudden. So he closed his eyes and dived in it, enjoying every twirl and every goose-bump.

Within _freaking_ seconds, Sebastian's body got all heated up and he found himself taking a firm hold on Kurt's waist, bringing him closer. Kurt quivered under his hands while Sebastian's mouth took over control dominantly.

It didn't last much longer, though. They were both pressing their lips so anxiously together that the need for air got quickly urgent. It was Sebastian who gave up first; his hands lost their grip on Kurt and he took two steps back, nervously.

He regarded Kurt amazed. Who would have thought kissing him would feel so good? Maybe it shouldn't come as a surprise, though. Kurt's arms had already proved to be a nice shelter after all.

This kid had a tendency to make him feel incredibly good. And it was addictive.

"Kurt" Sebastian tried to collect some saliva. He could still taste Kurt on his mouth. "I wanna sleep with you tonight."

"Oh" Kurt eye's smiled, shocked.

"What are your thoughts?" Sebastian asked, jokingly.

They both chuckled. "Let's go" Kurt smiled.

Sebastian quickly intertwined his arm with Kurt's and started walking towards the subway.

/

"O-kay" Kurt articulated with difficulty. "Is there… um- like a reason why you don't want me at your place? I mean, I've been thinking about it, and it's more than fair if the place's like- sacred to you, I mean, I'd respect that-"

Sebastian hadn't waited for any invitation whatsoever to lay in Kurt's bed and steal his favorite pillow. But he had done exactly that. It was a blue, fluffy pillow that had probably been made to please and be hugged.

"It's not sacred" Sebastian cut him, seeing how the boy mumbled when he got insecure. Kurt was leaning on his desk, keeping an unnecessary distance, and Sebastian observed him amused. "It's my- _God_ , I don't even know what to call her anymore. My dead-girlfriend's sister? My ex-sister-in-law?" He thought out loud, confused. "It's Julie's sister. She's made it a habit to come unannounced and crash there lately. It's comforting for her, somehow."

"Oh" Kurt observed, surprised. "That's not- that's not a little abusive? I mean, poor girl, but- it's your privacy. No wonder you can't sleep there..."

"I hadn't been able to sleep there for almost two months before that happened" Sebastian chuckled. "She's not to blame, really. I mean, not any more than I am" he admitted, with an apologetic smile.

Kurt regarded him confused. "What do you mean not any more than-"

"I've been doing the exact same to you, Kurt. Wouldn't you call that abusive? Didn't I invade your privacy as well?"

Sebastian searched in Kurt's eyes for a hint of hesitation or regret, but he only found understanding.

Kurt shook his head, coyly. "Don't be silly. You always throw sticks at my window first" he giggled. "Why should I need more announcement than that?"

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at him, amused. "Well, if it hadn't taken you almost a week to give me your number..." he defended.

Kurt gave him a bitchy glare. "Right, 'cause you were _so_ into it when I did give it to you" he rolled his eyes. "To say that you've been giving me mixed signals would be an understatement..." the boy looked away, somewhat resented now.

Sebastian sat on his knees and approached the edge of the bed. "Is that what you resent me for?" He asked, half surprised, half amused. "That I was reluctant to take your number?"

Kurt bit the inside of his mouth and observed him rather seriously. "Well, it's not nice when you've got to ask someone twice to take your number. Doesn't make you feel exactly wanted either..."

Sebastian spread his arms and reached for Kurt. Kurt gave him an incredulous look.

Sebastian chuckled under his breath. "Come here" he asked, trying not to seem too amused.

Kurt regarded him suspiciously. "What for?"

Sebastian sighed but grinned even wider. "Would you just come here, you big stubborn?" He couldn't help but chuckle. "Why do you look at me like that? You don't trust me?"

Kurt took a very reluctant couple of steps towards Sebastian and stood still, uncertain. "No?"

They both chuckled then.

"Seems fair" Sebastian conceded. "But seriously, come here. I've got something to tell you."

Kurt took a deep breath and one step more. The boy cautiously placed his hands over Sebastian's own, examining Sebastian's reaction closely, as if scared it was all a big joke or something.

Sebastian stroked his hands and held them close to his chest. "Kurt, I can't promise you there'll be no more teasing from now on. I can't promise I won't laugh at you or joke about your silly teenage ways."

Sebastian chuckled and Kurt rolled his eyes, then tried to liberated his hands from Sebastian's trap. He had probably had enough of Sebastian's teasing already.

" _But_ " Sebastian held Kurt's hands more tightly and forced the boy to stay right where he was, "I promise you this: I want you."

Sebastian's throat got a little dry while saying so, but something kept compelling him to act without thinking. It was liberating, but also scary.

" _So_ " he kept rambling, mostly to fill any possible awkward silence, "you can resent me for being an asshole, but you can't resent me for not wanting you."

Kurt batted his eyes really fast for a couple of seconds, then his lips curled up slowly until shaping into a shy smile. "You want me?"

Sebastian bit his lip. "Yeah. I mean, it's more like an 'I want you to' than a plain 'I want you', but I do, fear not" he said, playfully.

Kurt seemed to find it appealing, because he took another step and his chest almost met Sebastian's.

"And what do you want me to do?" The boy asked, his breath falling right under Sebastian's chin.

"Well, for starters" Sebastian let go off one of his hands and patted the bed, "I want you to lie here with me. You think you could do that?"

Kurt gulped down nervously but nodded. He sat down facing Sebastian, but it took him a few seconds to look him in the eye again.

Sebastian stroked Kurt's hand again. "That's nice" Sebastian smiled at him. "See, I'm covering the distance, like you asked me to."

Kurt tried to hide a smile and scoffed instead, but he looked extremely pleased, and Sebastian could take credit for that.

"Let's see. What else did you tell me the other night?" Sebastian pondered thoughtfully, although he did remember quite clearly. "Oh, yes. That I needed to be less cold."

Something about being now so close to the boy made Sebastian feel less inclined to tease. Whenever their bodies were so close, there it was: a sudden but palpable intimacy that became louder every time they met.

Kurt looked down discreetly. "Sorry for that. I went out of my way, I- I shouldn't have ask-"

"You didn't go out of your way" Sebastian stroked Kurt's knee then. Physical contact felt nice with Kurt. "I mean, yeah, you probably did" he gave Kurt an understanding smile, "but I needed that. I just- didn't know yet."

Kurt met his eyes then, and regarded Sebastian expectantly.

"And I want to be less cold around you" Sebastian cupped Kurt's cheek and caressed it. Kurt felt like this enormous precious thing under his fingers he didn't deserve… Or did he? "Like you. You're warm. You feel so warm around me… you could melt my coldness, maybe."

He caressed Kurt's neck then, and slowly adventured to stroke his chest, meeting some resistance from the tight shirt Kurt was wearing.

Sebastian gently brought Kurt to his own lap and guarded him there like a treasure. He looked the boy in the eyes for a moment, hoping to find willingness – and he did. Kurt's fresh, alive eyes moved and breathed on their own, and they seemed to enjoy the sight of Sebastian.

Sebastian started to undo the buttons of Kurt's shirt.

Kurt stayed still and appeared to be mystified, and Sebastian couldn't really decide where to stare: his very big and opened eyes, which were almost intimidating, or the boy's flushed skin that greeted him underneath the shirt.

Kurt raised a hand to touch Sebastian's side and Sebastian almost shivered. He reached the last button of Kurt's shirt and ran his hand freely around the pale torso now, carefully at first. This was their first _real_ physical contact, or at least it felt that way. Kurt gasped a little, and his eyes entered some sort of trance, diving in Sebastian's own.

Sebastian slowly placed himself on top of Kurt and brought his lips to that pale but soft chest. Kurt hid his hands in Sebastian's hair, making Sebastian shiver now and hold on to the boy more firmly, devouring Kurt's neck. Kurt kissed him where he found access: his head, his temples, his cheek… Every kiss felt more healing than the kiss before, and it was shaking Sebastian's insides completely.

He reached for Kurt's mouth then and kissed him so hungrily it seemed like they had never kissed before. Like kissing someone you've wanted for so long for the first time. It was ridiculous how a week could awake so many emotions inside you.

"You have no idea how good this feels" Sebastian whispered, somewhat scared of his own overwhelm. "I was so tired of feeling broken..."

Watching Kurt's reaction to his words that closely made Sebastian regret them immediately. Kurt looked so concerned he felt guilty.

The boy scratched Sebastian's nape softly, then moved his fingertips slowly over Sebastian's face, soothingly.

"I'm sorry. You don't need to hear these things" Sebastian sighed, mad at himself. "I shouldn't even think like that."

"No, you should" Kurt disagreed, casting him a timid smile when Sebastian frowned. "You've got every right to feel broken, Sebastian. What's wrong with that?"

Sebastian looked down, ashamed. His good spirits were suddenly going down somehow. It frustrated him. This was _not_ the time to be this depressed version of himself he had been doing lately. But he was so used to it, it was kind of hard to quit it.

"What's wrong is… Is this bad energy" Sebastian shook his head, conflicted. "You're so full of life, Kurt. And I'm so full of- these _soiled_ memories and thoughts. You don't need this shit in your life" he defended.

Kurt regarded him cautiously, as if scared to say or do the wrong thing. Sebastian was done with himself. It wasn't Kurt's place to feel scared. He was fucking with Kurt's life already.

"What if-" Kurt spoke up, tentatively, "I mean- I can't really pretend that I get what you're feeling. I wish I did, to be honest, so I could make you feel less lonely in this" the boy bit his lip, his features turning sad, "but all I can do is listening to you. Do you wanna let those thoughts out? It can't harm. And I can take it. I appreciate your wish to preserve me" the boy chuckled awkwardly, "but it's gonna take more than a couple of depressed thoughts to bring me down."

Sebastian chuckled in spite of himself. He felt slightly easier.

"That's very kind" he thanked Kurt with a smile, "but I didn't come here 'cause I wanted to talk. I just need some arms now. Yours" Sebastian added, realizing how disrespectful that was to Kurt. "I need your arms now, Kurt. Let's not talk, and I'll make it good to you too, I promise."

Kurt's eyes got somewhat heavier. The boy lost the smile. And Sebastian could understand why. But he was being honest, really. He needed good, easy things. It was Kurt's problem if he couldn't actually take it.

"Some way you've got with words" Kurt said in a low, resigned tone. "Don't say 'arms' when you wanna say 'a screw'."

Sebastian regarded him shocked. "What? Kurt, you're misunderstanding me-"

Kurt wasn't looking at him, and Sebastian damned himself. _I mean_ , he knew he had sounded like a jerk. But had he really been _that much_ of a jerk?

"No, you were perfectly clear. You don't want me to talk. You only want me to be 'some arms'. And you know the worst part?" The boy locked eyes with Sebastian suddenly, and Sebastian was taken aback by how sharp and fierce they looked now. "The worst part is I'm gonna let you. So go ahead. Do as you please."

Sebastian couldn't move an inch. Kurt looked so sad, and he was feeling so sad too. Kurt wasn't just 'some arms' to him, but he wasn't quintessential either. He was… _God_ , Sebastian didn't know what he was.

"Kurt, I-" Sebastian fought the urge to cry. For some stupid, illogical reason he just couldn't fathom he was feeling like crying now. But not like light crying, no. He was feeling like properly sobbing. It was some _freaking_ awesome timing. "Fffffuck."

Kurt looked at him confused then, but Sebastian wouldn't return the look. He was too busy trying to teleport himself right now.

"Sebastian?" Kurt asked, befuddled. "Seb- Sebastian, are you crying?"

"I- I- just... uh- _Oh God_ " Sebastian heard himself weep. It was so scary being aware he had just wept. It kind of gave you the impression that there was really no turning back from that.

Kurt took him in his arms and searched for his eyes. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay, I promise."

Sebastian shook his head but hid it on the comfort of Kurt's offered shoulder. "It's not" he mumbled like _a complete moron_. "It's not" he repeated stubbornly, uncertain as to what to do with all the anxiety he was feeling. "I only feel good when I'm here with you" he _freaking_ sobbed. "I wanna ask a lot of you, Kurt. I feel so selfish."

Kurt stroked his back and did his best to comfort him, Sebastian could feel it. "Then ask, Sebastian" the boy encouraged him, "anything you ask of me, I'll want to do it. I promise."

Sebastian shook his head again. "I can't" he whined.

"Of course you can. You've got my consent. Ask" Kurt murmured.

Sebastian felt completely powerless, like he had just lost control of his own body and emotions. But the strangest thing was that he had never felt so safe. So confident that he would be "okay" as long as he stayed right where he was.

He took a couple of deep breaths. He had completely wet Kurt's shirt, so it wasn't exactly easy to look up at him right now. He did his best, though, and met Kurt's understanding eyes with precaution.

"Take my mind off her" Sebastian whispered and searched for Kurt's hand. He squeezed it. "Purge her from within me. She needs to go… otherwise I'll drown."

Kurt observed him uncertain and held Sebastian even closer, if that was possible. The boy hugged him and tried to comfort him as much as he could, and Sebastian, _well_ , he appreciated it. But he needed more than that. More than _just his arms_ , maybe.

Sebastian freed himself from Kurt's embrace as smoothly as he could and captured Kurt's hands with his own. He looked the boy in the eye fiercely, demanding even. If Kurt said it was okay to ask, then he would certainly do so.

He brought Kurt's hands to his lips and kissed them warmly, never letting go of Kurt's stare. Then, Sebastian placed them on his own thighs, challengingly close to his crotch but not too much. It would be Kurt's call to explore the area, not his.

He undid his own shirt and watched Kurt's reaction with desire. Funnily enough, lust and sorrow seemed to make for a weird but effective mix on Sebastian. But he _had_ Kurt's consent. He held onto that thought as fiercely as he could.

Seeing as Kurt's hands remained still on the exact same spot he had left 'em, Sebastian started unzipping Kurt's trousers. Kurt startled a little, but actually helped Sebastian and took 'em off himself.

Kurt did something then that surprised Sebastian. The boy threw his own trousers to the floor and undid the bed to get under the covers, holding them open for Sebastian to join him. Sebastian undid his own jeans and threw them as well, without hesitation. He followed Kurt to bed.

This time he didn't climb on top of Kurt. He lay next to him and threw his arms around the boy, caressing him with care. Sebastian couldn't help but smile at him. Kurt looked and felt so wonderful now around him...

Kurt kept making sure Sebastian's back didn't get cold with his own hands, and it was just too endearing. Sebastian bit Kurt's lip and rubbed his noses together playfully, getting more and more relaxed every second.

"Kiss me" Sebastian whispered right on Kurt's earlobe, then greeted it with his tongue. "Touch me too, don't be scared."

Kurt gasped a little as Sebastian lapped his ear, then tentatively ran his hand over Sebastian's torso and grabbed the waistband of his boxers. He stopped there.

"You probably have more experience than me with this" Sebastian chuckled under his breath, trying to ease the pressure and make Kurt feel more comfortable. "I mean, with guys and stuff."

Kurt smiled coyly. "I've only been with one guy in bed. I bet you've been with more than one or two girls."

Sebastian kissed him in the cheek. "Yeah, but you're my first in terms of boys" he smiled. "I hadn't even felt attracted to any guy before."

Kurt seemed incredulous. "You-… what? I'm your first?"

Sebastian nodded and searched for his lips. "I really like you, Kurt."

Kurt responded effusively. He kissed Sebastian back and held him closer. "I- I really like you too. I'd never liked someone so much before."

Sebastian didn't know how to take that, but he wouldn't make Kurt feel embarrassed for expressing his feelings. "Well, it's a good thing that we're here, then" he said, kindly.

 _To be continued... :)_


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys! Sorry it took forever to update this fic. I'm not sure where it's going yet, but I missed my Kurtbastian. Hopefully you'll find the grace to forgive my laziness u.u

P.s. Happy reading!

* * *

" _Well, it's a good thing that we're here, then" Sebastian said kindly._

There was something fairly awkward about lying with someone almost naked in bed. _I'm sorry,_ Kurt thought, but there just was it.

No matter how wonderful kissing Sebastian was, Kurt still felt quite self-conscious. He hadn't showered today after school, and so all he could think of was his smell. He wished he had changed his underwear too. Why he had chosen to wear the silly, Garldfield featured boxers was out of his understanding. Fate always found a way to screw him over, that was for certain.

But it wasn't even about that. What made it all just so ridiculously awkward was the fact that he, Kurt Hummel, a silly seventeen-year-old who had quit on the idea of finding someone worth his time on Lima a long time ago, was lying in bed with this _incredibly attractive_ and passionate man, and he just could not believe it. They were lying in bed, kissing and touching each other.

 _Just like that_ , Kurt thought, somewhat insecure.

And how could he not feel insecure? Reality was too much to handle right now. Being devoured by Sebastian was just unreal. Literally, _devoured_. Sebastian's lips fought fiercely for every inch of Kurt's and it was so rewarding. Kurt could no longer remember feeling unwanted by him: everything about the way Sebastian grabbed his thighs and bit his mouth told Kurt how wanted he was. It was dizzying.

And Kurt wanted Sebastian back just as much, and had no need to hide it. His hand had slipped right under Sebastian's briefs more than once – as Sebastian's hand had done as well – and they both kept rubbing themselves against each other, almost as if Sebastian actually liked it, which was making Kurt lose his mind.

Sebastian locked eyes with him then and Kurt almost whimpered. Sebastian's face was all flushed, his eyes still reddish from his previous tears and his lips all swollen. He had never looked that naturally beautiful, and it was overwhelming. But also kind of unsettling: the sadness was still showing in his eyes, making him look so vulnerable it was (again) _awkward_.

Kurt didn't know what to do with himself. Sebastian's puffy eyes were fixed on him and it was making Kurt very self-aware of the fact that he was still jerking Sebastian off.

Sebastian's lips parted and a moan escaped his lips, really low. Sebastian closed his eyes for a moment and bit his lip kind of harshly.

Kurt was awed by Sebastian's reactions. There was a fierceness to it all that amazed and scared him at the same time. So he brought his free hand to Sebastian's lip and liberated it from its trap. Sebastian opened his eyes then and gave him a genuine, spontaneous smile. He looked calmer now. Calmer than Kurt had ever seen him before.

" _Beautiful"_ Sebastian mouthed and smirked, making Kurt's heart skip a beat. He came face to face with Kurt then, and gave him a predatory look before going down on him.

Kurt felt Sebastian's tongue on his neck and bit his lip not to moan so fast. It was a very skilled tongue, and it licked his way down his chest, landing on a nipple. Sebastian sucked on his nipple playfully for a few seconds, then closed his lips and just kissed Kurt's torso instead. Kurt realized his body was buzzing with heat and threats of orgasm already.

Sebastian was actually all over him, both his hands cupping and caressing his face and neck. He bit Kurt's lip teasingly, pretending he was going for a kiss but then just biting instead, to the point that Kurt had to grab Sebastian's neck and bring him closer for a "proper" kiss, making Sebastian chuckled quietly.

Sebastian's erection was now out in the open, but Kurt was thankfully still wearing his underwear, and he felt kind of safe like that. He feared the moment he was completely naked. Even though Sebastian said there was "no rush", Kurt could feel himself accelerated. And Sebastian as well. _I mean_ , the whole thing had been completely raced. They had only known each other for a week, after all.

Still Kurt knew he'd do whatever Sebastian asked of him. And it unsettled him how okay he was with that. Kurt felt like he shouldn't be that complacent, that passive. He wasn't like that in any aspect of his life. And yet…

Being with Sebastian, lying in bed, made him him feel limitless. Like water. He could shape and shift and adapt to the circumstances. Now the circumstances required him to be 'some arms'. And what was _so_ wrong with being 'some arms'? Right now, Kurt could really not see it. Nothing was wrong. _Au contraire._ Everything was _so,_ so right…

Kurt found himself on top of Sebastian, somehow. He caressed Sebastian's clavicles and observed his chest mesmerized.

"You can kiss away the pain, can't you?" Sebastian asked with a really warm smile. He looked so peaceful and yet so surprised to be feeling like that.

Kurt returned the smile. "I can?" He felt honored.

Sebastian nodded and sighed, relaxed. "You definitely can" he raised a hand and ran a finger over Kurt's lips. "Why don't you give it another go, if you don't believe me?" He provoked Kurt, cheekily.

Kurt chuckled and tried to bite Sebastian's thumb, playfully.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Sebastian murmured distractedly, his fingers still playing with Kurt's lips. "You're gonna wash my memory… you are."

Kurt startled a little. He forced himself to keep some focus. Sebastian didn't _really_ mean that, did he? That was… kind of a lot of pressure.

Kurt climbed off Sebastian and lay beside him. Sebastian never seemed to mind his own words too much, but they were revealing.

Kurt felt Sebastian's arm around his shoulders then. Sebastian brought him closer and kissed his cheek. The boy rested his nose there and observed Kurt quietly for a minute or so.

"What do you want me to do for you?" Sebastian asked with a kind, soft tone. He was drawing circles all over Kurt's back.

Kurt looked at him confused. "What?"

Sebastian smiled calmly. "Kurt, you're very generous, but you can receive as well. I told you what I needed, so… now, what do you need?"

Kurt got a little bit nervous. This whole talk about _needs_. He didn't need anything! It was not about needing for him. And it was just so unsettling knowing it was all about needing for Sebastian. Sebastian just needed him to ease his grief. Was Kurt okay with that?

Also, Kurt kind of didn't want to see this side of Sebastian. _I mean_ , he loved it; he loved the fact that Sebastian wanted to be generous too, but… that only made Kurt more aware of how little about love this was.

"I don't know" Kurt admitted, trying to put his shit together. Why did this have to be an arrangement of some sort? Sebastian had a way to kill his lovefool buzz… "I- uh… kind of have everything I want right now" Kurt looked down coyly, even though he didn't mean that.

Sebastian kissed Kurt's temple and his gaze got lost on the walls, not fixing in any particular place.

"Just know that I'm here for you. Hopefully I'll be able to notice when you need anything" he spoke calmly.

Kurt observed him amazed. _What?_ What this the same guy who had shut him down repeatedly? The same guy who had told Kurt 'he was not that big of a mystery himself'? Even if Sebastian was still talking about some sort of trading… he seemed to care about Kurt's well being as well.

"You're serious..." Kurt went for a question but ended up stating instead. Sebastian seemed transformed.

Sebastian smiled at him like Kurt hadn't seen him smile before. It was intimate, trusting.

"I know I've been a jerk to you. But I haven't always been like that" Sebastian explained, apologetically.

They stared at each other for a few seconds in silence. Kurt wasn't sure he should lower his guard just yet around Sebastian, but he felt tempted to.

"Now…" Sebastian looked away and cleared his throat. "I should've asked this earlier, but…" he sighed. "Before we take things any further... Let's talk about that one guy you've been with."

Kurt frowned, taken aback. "What about him?"

Sebastian wasn't smirking, which was always a sign that he wasn't messing around. "Did you top? Did he? You guys switched?"

Kurt blushed. He felt uncomfortable. "Don't you think that's kind of private?"

Sebastian gave him an incredulous look. "Kurt" he said in a 'give-me-a-break' tone. "I'm just doing some field study, not prying around."

"Dear Gaga, _field study_ " Kurt scoffed, nervously. "I wonder what you do when there _is_ rush..." he said in despite of himself, because Sebastian wasn't actually rushing things at all. But the mere thought of sleeping with him made Kurt a little bit anxious. Sebastian hadn't been with a guy before… what if he hated it?

"Hey" Sebastian told him off softly, biting Kurt's neck. "I'm actually trying to be considerate here. I bet you must have your preferences, it's only natural. I've never bottomed, obviously, but I'm willing to try it if-"

"Oh my God, stop it" Kurt covered his ears, awkwardly.

Sebastian seemed really confused now. "Kurt, is sex out of the question?"

Kurt shivered. It wasn't like that! He wasn't that naive!

"It's not that" Kurt protested, slightly annoyed. "I'm not an idiot. We're in bed, I mean, I know what we're in for-"

"Hey, not wanting sex doesn't make you an idiot" Sebastian defended, stroking Kurt's belly in an attempt to calm Kurt. "That'd be perfectly okay. I was just asking."

Kurt regarded the man in front of him with disconcert. He wasn't sure he believed Sebastian. Would he really be okay if there was no perspective of sex whatsoever? Not that Kurt didn't want sex, he just…

"I've never said I don't want it!" Kurt couldn't help but feel irritated. "I just- _God_ , doesn't that just happen? Why do we have to talk about it in advance?"

Sebastian gave him a somewhat bitter smile and looked down.

"'Cause you're a seventeen-year-old, Kurt. I need to make sure you're not giving in just because of the pressure. Besides, I would never touch if it wasn't consented, minor or not."

Kurt froze. _Oh_. So _that_ was what this was about. He hadn't even thought about that, the fact that he was a minor and Sebastian an adult. The fact that what they were doing was, actually, illegal. _Wow_. That seemed so stupid. How could any of _this_ be illegal?

He locked eyes with Sebastian then and realized he was _worried_. Sebastian was actually worried.

"Are you seriously concerned you're breaking the law?" Kurt asked, stunned.

Sebastian scratched his head, awkwardly. "I'm more concerned you think you're okay with us having sex but can't even discuss it out loud."

Kurt's stomach twirled funnily. Maybe it wasn't Sebastian's intent, but he was making Kurt feel small.

"If you're mature enough to have sex then you should also be mature enough to talk about it" Sebastian stated calmly, and Kurt tried really hard not to feel offended.

"Wow. Thank you for that. In case I wasn't feeling childish and inadequate already..." Kurt mumbled, looking away.

Sebastian sighed, tiredly. "That wasn't my intention, Kurt. I'm sorry." He sat up and put some distance between them, then looked around.

Kurt's heart ached. Was Sebastian going to leave already? _Wow_. How long had it been nice between them? Half an hour?

"Do you mind if I smoke?" Sebastian suddenly asked, interrupting Kurt's anxious inner monologue.

Kurt went from wanting to cry to pure relief. "No, not at all" he lied. He hated the smell of cigarettes. And the mere thought of that taking place in his own bedroom made him want to panic, but if that was the price to get Sebastian to stay, he would gladly allow it. "You're not leaving, then?" He couldn't help but ask, scared.

Sebastian regarded him surprised. His gaze softened and he gave Kurt a fond smile. "Of course not. I just want to calm down a bit. I don't wanna hurt your feelings when I'm actually trying to spare them" he sort of joked, his smile regretful.

Kurt grabbed him by the arm and gave him a quick, spontaneous kiss. He had no idea how else to say he wanted them to be okay.

Sebastian smiled. "Thank you."

Kurt shook his head, more relaxed now. "Don't thank me for that."

"I'll thank whatever the frack I wanna thank, petit" Sebastian joked, then stood up and grabbed his trousers. "I can't believe I didn't give you these back yet..." he kicked Kurt's sneakers distractedly.

"You should keep 'em" Kurt shrugged, feeling kind of warmer.

Sebastian chuckled. "You like that I wear your sneakers all the time, don't ya?" He asked playfully, somewhat cocky.

Kurt folded his arms, amused. _Well_ this was a Sebastian he was more used to see.

"Yeah. I also want us to exchange friendship bracelets" Kurt rolled his eyes.

Sebastian grabbed a cigarette from a small package and sat right under the window to light it up. Kurt mentally thanked him for being thoughtful.

"I'm sorry I reacted like that" Kurt admitted, feeling more at ease now. "I uh- tend to get uncomfortable when people talk about sex. Or, more specifically, having sex with me" he added, trying to deal with the issue as naturally as he could. "It kind of- makes me..." Sebastian was staring right at him attentively, and it made Kurt feel naked. "Anxious."

"Duly noted" Sebastian nodded, understanding.

"Besides" Kurt decided to come clean. _Better now than later_. "You've never been with a guy before. What if you hate it? Or- what if just talking about it… gives you the creeps? I don't know..."

"What you need to understand, Kurt" Sebastian said kindly, "is that I don't care much that you're a guy. I guess I could question myself some more, but I don't have the energy. I just wanna be okay now. And somehow- this makes me feel okay."

"Oh" Kurt observed, feeling stupidly better. He made Sebastian feel okay? He doubted he would ever hear anything quite as wonderful. "That makes me happy" he said, dumbly, then blushed.

Sebastian smirked. He shook his head amused and gave the cigarette another puff. "You're so silly."

"Gee- thank you" Kurt chuckled, only partially annoyed.

Sebastian exhaled slowly and studied him with his eyes. It made Kurt feel naked again.

"So how many times you had sex with this guy? Was it more than once?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. So they were having this conversation… He sighed, defeated. Maybe he just needed to make an effort. Sebastian wasn't trying to tease him, after all. He was just getting to know him better, wasn't he? Kurt tried to convince himself of that. Although there was still a stupid little voice in his head that told him Sebastian was just trying to spare his own guilt for wanting sex with Kurt.

"Yes. Three times, to be precise" Kurt gave in. "Although the first one shouldn't probably count..."

Sebastian looked only partially surprised. "So twice." He bit his lip nervously.

"This is not fair" Kurt stood up and sat in front of Sebastian. "I'm seventeen. You can't make me feel bad because I only had sex three times" Sebastian opened his mouth to protest, but Kurt stopped him. "No, I know that's not your intention, but you _are_ judging my experience. Can't we both part from zero here?"

Sebastian didn't seem to know what to say. He regarded Kurt blankly and put out the cigarette.

"You don't make the rules, you know" Kurt smiled at him, cheekily, "you can't choose not to question why you don't care about my gender, but care instead about my experience or age. I can't change any of those. Why should we question it, then?"

Sebastian's lip curled up with incredulity in a mischievous side smile.

"You _are_ a smarty-pants, aren't ya?" He joked, then attacked Kurt's mouth without a warning.

Kurt held his breath, taken aback, and barely managed to return the kiss until Sebastian wrapped his arms around his waist and took them back to bed, unexpectedly.

"It's been a long day" Sebastian explained, then grabbed his boxers from the floor and turned off the light. "It's almost two" he said as he got under the cover, turning to Kurt, "and I don't wanna keep messing with your sleeping schedules."

It took Kurt a second or two to take that in. Sebastian was acting unusually thoughtful tonight. It was almost as if this _sweet_ side of him had awaken with their first kiss… But _no_ , Kurt knew better than to fantasize like that.

He grabbed the duvet and covered both Sebastian and himself, but mainly Sebastian.

"Okay" Kurt didn't even think of fighting Sebastian on that. Not that he stood any chance against Sebastian's stubbornness, but still. There was so many emotions Kurt handle per night. And also, he was starting to realize that he might not be ready to have sex with Sebastian yet, for a lot of reasons.

"Couldn't care less about my schedules, though" Kurt joked.

Sebastian rested a hand on Kurt's side and stroked it affectionately. They fell in a comfortable silence for a minute or so. Everything seemed so easy when they were in silence…

"I missed sleeping with you" Kurt admitted, coming a little bit closer. "I like it."

Sebastian nuzzled him, chuckling quietly. "That makes two of us" he sighed, relaxed.

"Liar" Kurt argued playfully.

Sebastian found his way to Kurt's neck and rested his head there, smiling softly. He didn't argue back, which unsettled Kurt only slightly. It might be that Sebastian was too tired to talk, but silence was an answer as good as any. If anything, it proved Sebastian's intentions might not be exactly humble and righteous, and the whole thing was meant to be tainted.


	7. Chapter 7

Hi guys! I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere with this. It's gonna get darker and sweeter, but I hope you enjoy it as much.

Happy reading!

* * *

Waking up next to Kurt turned out to be unexpectedly easy for Sebastian. Kurt looked even more harmless when he was sleeping, which was a reminder for Sebastian that there was nothing to fear here, but a lot to win.

For starters, there was his own mood. Sebastian was feeling so rested and light he could just about handle the storm of a thousand Santanas and beat them all. Seriously, he felt like a chilly Superman right now. Like suddenly the world was on his side and there was no more pain in store for him.

All the heartbreak, all the sorrow seemed so far away right now... Only last night he had cried like a baby, begging for Kurt to purge Julie out of his mind, and yet it all seemed like a distant dream. He felt somewhat healed already.

And he hadn't lied to Kurt. He had no intention to be a careless jerk to the kid anymore. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to take what he needed from Kurt. And what he needed from Kurt was mainly physical. Human warmth, nice rest, and maybe some sex.

Sebastian observed the boy: Kurt looked smart enough to look out for himself, didn't he? Sebastian simply needed to make sure the terms were clear: he would be as selfish as Kurt let him be. Because the price to pay was harmless; amusing, even: indulging Kurt's silly crush.

Well, maybe a little bit of reality would do good to Kurt: soon enough the boy would realize crushes ran out of charm once they were fulfilled. Fantasies were one thing, and reality another. When reality set in, even sex lost appeal.

Kurt suddenly opened up one eye but didn't quite focus. Sebastian couldn't help but chuckle. _Fun time_ , he thought, and decided to tease Kurt.

"Morning, Kurt" he climbed on top of the boy and closed his lips over Kurt's flushed neck. Kurt fidgeted a little and opened both eyes, still severely asleep.

Sebastian kissed lower and made it wetter, adding some tongue on Kurt's chest. His lower abdomen crashed with Kurt's then, and Sebastian kept adjusting until his crotch crashed with Kurt's as well, sending chills all over his body.

Kurt seemed too asleep to even react, but Sebastian wouldn't give him time to panic.

"You know how I like to start my mornings?" He whispered on Kurt's ear, biting the earlobe just slightly. "Easing my hard-on."

Kurt's pupils tickled, and his body started to awake. The boy pushed Sebastian away just an inch. "What?" He asked, more nervous than dubious. "Now?"

Sebastian nodded, cutting the distance. He placed his hand under Kurt's pajamas and felt his pale belly. It was _so_ soft…

Kurt's breathing got louder, which Sebastian didn't miss. He slid his hand under the elastic of Kurt's pants and went down on his thigh, back and forth, until he was able to take a grab on Kurt's butt.

Kurt still seemed a little inhibited, so Sebastian rubbed himself against him and reminded Kurt their genitals were pressed together.

"Oh" Kurt blushed, his hands timidly taking a hold on Sebastian's arms, "can you do that again?"

Sebastian couldn't spare him a smirk. _Of course_ he could. Gladly so. Sebastian tried to thrust against Kurt's underwear and the boy whimpered a little. He repeated the movement again and again.

"If this feels good… Imagine when it's for real" Sebastian teased, grabbing Kurt's underwear with determination. He was really tempted to pull it down, but had to remind himself he was only teasing Kurt, for some stupid reason.

"We can do it if you want to" Kurt rushed to assure him. He obviously didn't want Sebastian to think he wouldn't give him what he wanted, which made Sebastian's stomach twirled.

He observed the boy. _Fuck_ , Sebastian thought. He was horny. He wanted to satisfy his own whims and needs. And last night, Kurt assured him he could take whatever he wanted from him. But how twisted was that? Was Sebastian that kind of person? There was this power dynamic that made it all the more hot, and he wasn't sure how far he wanted to go with that.

"What do _you_ want to do?" Sebastian asked instead, trying to take his mind of his own thoughts.

Kurt seemed insecure. He raised his gaze to meet Sebastian's, but lowered it right after. "I don't know" he smiled apologetically, "I mean I can see that you want this, and I want it too" he explained, then his hand went down on Sebastian's torso and caressed his sides. Sebastian couldn't help but notice that there was more affection than lust in that gesture.

"So you just wanna do whatever I wanna do, right?" Sebastian picked up. Kurt looked slightly embarrassed, so he planted a kiss on his rosy cheek. "That's okay, Kurt."

"Don't patronize me..." Kurt looked away, and Sebastian noticed his gesture had toughened up.

"I like it when you get feisty" Sebastian said, not just to clear the air, but to provoke him.

Kurt gave him a sarcastic smile. "You think you've got me all figured out, don't you?"

Sebastian contained a chuckle. Well _, yes_ , but that wasn't a valid answer. He needed to be careful with his words now. He had told the boy before that he wasn't much of a mystery. And there was no need for Kurt's pride to suffer again.

"Well, there's an easy solution" Sebastian bumped his hips playfully against Kurt's, to catch his attention. "Tell me what you want, then."

Kurt gave him a determined look, even though he was still blushing. "I want to please you. There's a-a difference" he stuttered.

Sebastian didn't see that coming, and couldn't help but to cocky up. "There is?" He smirked and thrust a thigh between Kurt's, prepared to graze Kurt's crotch with his knee if the boy kept doing that well.

"Well- _yeah"_ Kurt maintained his resolution, and looked very cute while doing so. "It's not like I'm your puppy, following you around and taking whatever bone you throw me" he scoffed, dignified. "I- I make the active choice to take care of you and… satisfy you" he looked away, his tone really coy at the end.

Sebastian kissed him impulsively. _God_ , it felt good kissing this boy; and teasing, and provoking him until he blushed.

 _Okay,_ so maybe Sebastian had lied to Kurt a little: he had always been a jerk. He had never had the easiest temper or disposition, not even with Julie. And it wasn't like Julie was exactly easy on him either. She was as harsh, as selfish and spoiled, and Sebastian used to think that was why they worked. And now _this_ , having someone so actively wanting to be _good_ to him… It was too good for own his ego.

"Then do it" Sebastian exhaled between accelerated breaths. His hands were pulling down his own underwear now, and there was no stopping that. Next, was Kurt's pajama. "Satisfy me, Kurt" he said with an authoritarian tone. He wanted to command now, not to beg anymore.

Sebastian rolled down and dragged Kurt along. " _These_ needs to go" he said playfully while thrusting his hands under Kurt's boxers, "okay?"

Kurt seemed a little inexperienced with the speed of it all, but his eagerness to be helpful made up for it. The boy pulled down his boxers and lay naked beside Sebastian, uncertain.

Sebastian put some distance between them and took a hold on his own erection. He started stroking himself as he stared at Kurt: his marked neck, his soft and round clavicles, his firm belly, his pleasant cock and his long thighs… then went back to Kurt's eyes, so the boy wouldn't forget it was him he was jerking off to.

Kurt regarded him somewhat bewildered at first, then self-conscious. "Can I do anything to help?" He asked, half joking, half self-aware.

Sebastian was at the edge of moaning. _I could come just by looking at you_ , he thought, all heated up. But the offer was too tempting, so he nodded.

Kurt came closer, visibly glad that the touching-myself-looking-at-you was over.

They shared a couple of slow, wet kisses and Sebastian's hands left his erection so they could pull at Kurt's hair instead. He was trying to decide between giving commands again or asking nicely, but being a jerk just came so natural to him…

"Take care of this…" he said, placing Kurt's hand on his cock, "with your mouth."

He was pushing Kurt down to his knees somewhat roughly, when he took in the boy's expression. Kurt looked taken aback. Uncomfortable, even.

"I mean- if you want to" Sebastian tried to fix it. "I would love that, if you wanted to..."

"I could do that" Kurt said, but he seemed a little hurt. "Just- I don't know, I didn't see the pushing coming, it made me feel..." he babbled, confused.

Sebastian sighed and faced the ceiling. He felt guilty, but also frustrated that his erection wasn't getting any relief.

"Sebastian… maybe I didn't express myself correctly" Kurt started again, nervously. "Look, I'm just feeling like- when I said I wanted to plea-"

Sebastian's eyes fixated on Kurt's, somewhat coldly. _For real?_

"You've got to be kidding me" Sebastian couldn't help but scoff.

Kurt sat up and gave him a fierce look. "What?"

Sebastian sat up as well, because he was feeling just as annoyed. "Kurt" he stated harshly. "I'm freaking horny here" he pointed at his erection, impatiently, "You think now it's the time to pause and talk? About your feelings?"

Kurt looked completely outraged and hurt: "That's not what I- _God_ ,you're such a gigantic jerk!"

"Oh yeah?" Sebastian threw him a pillow, "well, newsflash, kid: I've always been a jerk!" He fought back.

Kurt threw him back the pillow, and got out of bed. "Well you can take care of that yourself, asshole!"

"Damn right I can" Sebastian bit back, "watch me" he got up as well, then raged towards Kurt and pinned him against the nearest wall with an arm. With his free hand, he started stroking his cock again, faster this time.

"What the hell you think you're doing?" Kurt asked, perplexed, but didn't try to liberate himself.

Sebastian studied him dubiously. Kurt could easily escape, he was not trapped and Sebastian was not making any pressure. But the boy stood there, so Sebastian came a little bit closer.

"I'm not leaving until I'm done with this" Sebastian defended, feeling somewhat childish, inadequate and stupid all at once. "You don't need to touch me, just shut up and let me finish."

Sebastian couldn't really focus on anything with Kurt giving him that look. The boy seemed shocked but also slightly drawn. He kept looking away, then peeking discreetly at Sebastian's clumsy handjob. Sebastian tried to only look at Kurt's amazing arms and torso, but his eyes kept searching for Kurt's for some reason.

The silence got unexpectedly intimate, their breaths being the only sound now and the only proof that they were still fighting. Fighting to keep their cools, because Sebastian reckoned Kurt's breathing was just as agitated as his.

"I'm close" Sebastian panted, as if he needed to brief Kurt on the state of things.

Kurt tried to scoff, dignified, but it wasn't entirely believable. "I don't wanna know."

"Yes, you do" Sebastian argued, studying Kurt with intrigue, but Kurt wouldn't return the look. "Look at me" he cupped Kurt's cheek with his free hand, "if you can handle this level of fucked up, then I think we're gonna do just fine."

/

" _If you can handle this level of fucked up, then I think we're gonna do just fine."_

Kurt was feeling really conflicted. _This_ was a Sebastian he didn't know how to handle. He was selfish, and dirty, and his only goal seemed to be satisfying his physical needs.

Yet the way he was looking at him, right into Kurt's eyes, while he stroked himself with his hand... It was so intense Kurt couldn't stop watching even if he wanted to. He was mad at Sebastian for being a jerk, but the proximity felt really intimate, which made no sense. He felt repelled and allured towards Sebastian in equal measure. He could not believe there had been a moment when he had felt happy that Sebastian _wanted_ him. Now, it scared the shit out of him.

"You're doing great" Sebastian whispered on his ear, making him shiver, "you're holding up real great, petit."

 _If by holding up you mean watching you, then yeah_ , Kurt thought, feeling a little bit dirty himself. These kind of emotions he wasn't used to handle. When he liked someone, everything tended to be pretty platonic and happy-ending-like in his imagination. He would have never fantasized about standing still while Sebastian jerked off against his leg, thank-you.

And yet he was enjoying it. Probably, because Sebastian was no longer a fantasy. He was very real. And that came with some risks, like facing the fact that there was some twisted side inside of Kurt that liked what he was seeing. Kurt imagined it was human nature. But it was striking him with the strength of a thunder.

"Not really" Kurt couldn't help but argue, because he was feeling turned on as well, just not brave enough to do something about it. It would be like rewarding Sebastian's bad behavior.

"You are" Sebastian insisted, then kissed all over Kurt's temples and cheeks, then his chin, then his neck...

"I am?" Kurt repeated like a dummy. He was letting himself go and it was hard to control it.

"You are. You feel great..." Sebastian exhaled as his body wrapped over Kurt's and the stroking got softer.

Kurt pulled back to regard Sebastian and their gazes met.

"Let me" Kurt heard himself say, impulsively, and got down on his knees while he took a hold on Sebastian's erection. He was suddenly determined to do what Sebastian had wanted from the start, to suck him off. It scared him, this weird impulse to please Sebastian.

Sebastian regarded him bewildered (an image Kurt took to heart) and of course did not try to stop him.

Kurt felt conflicted for a minute. He kind of expected Sebastian to double check and ask whether he was sure he wanted to do that, but Sebastian never did, which only made Kurt feel more stupid, because it was his own decision if he wanted to have sex of any kind, oral or other. He realized then, he might as well stop expecting Sebastian to be thoughtful, because he just wasn't.

 _Take it or leave it_ _for what he is_ , Kurt figured.

He felt a hand on his head then and looked up to see Sebastian observing him. He was stroking Kurt's hair, in a twisted loving way.

"You okay down there?" He asked, with a smirk that wasn't as cocky as usual, mostly intrigued.

 _Come on, Kurt. It's not that big of a deal!_ Kurt tried to encourage himself, but he couldn't do it. It was like being twelve and watching your father's beers on the fridge. Just because you could grab one, didn't mean you were ready to have it.

"Upsy, daisy" Sebastian didn't wait for Kurt to make a move; he took a hold on his arms and helped him get up, with an honest smile. Kurt met his eyes with embarrassment (he had failed his mission, after all), but Sebastian quickly kissed him on the lips, tenderly. "You don't have to do anything, you know that?"

A few more wet kisses after, Sebastian finally came on Kurt's leg, which felt warm and welcome for Kurt, after the whole ordeal.

"Stay right there" Sebastian asked him before going to the toilet. He came back with a wet towel and cleaned up the cum on Kurt, which took him by surprise.

Kurt picked up his underwear and put it on right after, then sat on the bed and rested the weight of his head on his hands.

"What are you thinking?" Sebastian asked. He was standing there, still naked, like he didn't know what to do with himself.

Kurt gave him a confused look. "That I don't get you. Not at all." Then, looking away with resentment, he added: "And I don't get myself either."

Sebastian sat right by his side. "And why is that? What is it you don't get?"

Kurt bit his lip. He wasn't even sure he wanted to share this with Sebastian, of all people. The man had the weird ability to make him feel both somewhat cherished and like a fucktoy at the same time.

"I shouldn't have liked that, what you did right there, but I did" Kurt admitted after a while, which was met with a chuckle.

"And why shouldn't you?" Sebastian asked, surprised, while scratching Kurt's back. "That was hot."

"That was twisted. You're very confusing" Kurt couldn't help but defend.

Sebastian sighed. "Kurt, honey, you need to grow up" he had the nerve to say, gaining himself a glare from Kurt. "People get all kinds of fucked up with sex, it doesn't make you a bad person."

Even though Kurt supposed there had to be some truth to that, he didn't like it.

"Well, you know what to do, then" Kurt said, his voice affected, but still strong enough to sound disappointed and firm, "go find somebody your age."

Sebastian studied him with a defiant look. It was almost like he was testing Kurt. Like saying: "you don't dare say that to my face", though Kurt had actually said it already.

"Touché" Sebastian granted, after a few seconds. "But you really want me to do that?" He asked, still caressing Kurt's skin. " _God,_ I wish I was thirteen again" Sebastian breathed out.

"Hilarious. You know I'm seventeen" Kurt corrected him, annoyed.

"You are" Sebastian conceded, chuckling. "And you know what, I was wrong. Just don't, don't grow up" he combed Kurt's hair with his fingers, "you're still good. People grow up, and that's when we become screwed."

Kurt gave him a side smile, which he shouldn't have, because he couldn't forgive Sebastian that easily.

"You yelled at me for no reason, though" Kurt found the courage to say. "I was not trying to start a deep conversation, just-"

"I hurt your feelings, didn't I?" Sebastian asked, _finally_ , somewhat embarrassed.

"A little bit" Kurt admitted, watching his lap.

"I'm sorry" Sebastian caressed Kurt's temples, looking for his eyes. "I'll make it up to you" he murmured while his hand moved down to stroke the inner side of Kurt's thigh.

Kurt jumped a little. "I don't want that right now, if that's okay."

"Sure" Sebastian said, a little surprised. "What, then?"

Sebastian looked at him and Kurt couldn't say a thing. He just wanted to be the arms Sebastian needed, and for Sebastian to be sweet like last night. He wished Sebastian would hold him, and make him feel like they could be something more than a pastime.

Then Sebastian cut the distance between them and kissed him softly. They kissed until their lips went numb and then Kurt did something crazy and hugged him. Which felt even crazier was that Sebastian returned the hug, and for a moment Kurt finally felt like they were getting closer.

/

Kurt had to admit, if only to himself, that he was feeling much more relaxed now that there was no prospect whatsoever of being near Sebastian. _I mean_ , he was at school now, barely concentrating on Mr. Schuester's History lesson. And, with any luck, he wouldn't be meeting Sebastian in a day or two, because honestly? His stomach needed a break.

The nerves, the expectations and Sebastian's mood swifts were doing a number on Kurt. Not that he was exactly innocent. _Be careful what you wish for, Kurt, you might get what you so boldly chased_ , Sebastian had told him only last night, though it felt like ages ago.

To make things easier, Quinn was giving him the frown, which meant she was too proud to ask but was secretly judging his love life. And Finn was texting him even though he was sitting only two rows behind him.

As soon as the bell rang, both Quinn and Finn were all over him, though they remained silent, unaware they both knew about Sebastian.

"That scarf is not fooling anyone" Quinn simply said, unwrapping it and placing it in a way that actually hid the hickeys.

"Oh my God" Finn cried out, "is this guy a vampire or what?"

Quinn gave him an icy look. "You know about Sebastian?"

Finn frowned. "Who's Sebastian?"

The blonde rolled her eyes, "Nevermind" and grabbed Kurt's hand to take him aside.

"Hey!" Finn protested, following them all the way to the choir room.

"I guess he's not just taking the couch anymore" Quinn bickered.

"Dude, did you get some last night?" Finn asked, excited.

"Wow, what a friend you are, Finn. Are you encouraging this?"

Kurt wanted to slap Quinn for that remark, but then noticed the blonde looked actually concerned more than judgy, and controlled himself.

"He doesn't have to, Quinn" Kurt finally spoke. "And you don't need to talk me out of it anymore" he said, exasperated.

"Hey, what happened?" Finn rushed to sit next to his friend, throwing an arm around his shoulders that felt like home to Kurt. "Did he do anything to you? You want me to punch him?" Kurt noticed Finn looked pissed, and a pissed Finn was a ridiculously goofy thing.

"Dear Lord, _no_ , you don't have to start kicking chairs just yet" Kurt joked, pinching Finn's arm amicably.

Finn scoffed but relaxed a little bit, "Well just say the word, I bet I'm taller than him."

"You are" Kurt assured him, "no one's taller than you. Just like no one's smaller than Rachel."

"Rachel!" Finn got up alarmed. "I totally forgot about her! Shit- don't tell her I just said that. We were supposed to have lunch together so I can go over her Maths notes."

"Well, she'll get over it, Finn, and so will you" Quinn rolled her eyes, "your best friend's in trouble here!"

Finn reluctantly put down his backpack again and sat down. "She'll track me down; I'm just saying."

"She'll be happy no one's stealing her fries" Quinn arched an eyebrow. "Now, you: what the hell happened with Sebastian, and why are you not happy about it?"

"Nothing happened" Kurt defended, then remembered about the hickeys, "I got what I wanted, that's all."

"Yeah, 'cause that right there is the face of someone who got what he wanted" Finn pointed out.

"Perceptive, Finn" Quinn joked, "points to Hufflepuff."

"I'm not a Hufflepuff!" The boy argued, annoyed, "I'm a Ravenclaw, at the very least."

"At the very least?" Kurt asked, intrigued.

"Of course, man. Everybody knows Ravenclaw is the consolation prize. Who doesn't want to be a Gryffindor? Quinn, for instance? A Slytherin, for sure" he added, casting the blonde a scary look.

"Whatever" Quinn scoffed, "back to business. You got what you wanted, and you realized he's troubled, didn't you?"

Kurt gave her the coldest glare he could pull off. He hated that the girl was right, and that she had even warned him about it. It wasn't fair!

"That's one way to put it" he mumbled, annoyed.

"Right, you told me he was depressed" Finn added, "did he break down on you? Give you some waterfalls?"

"Of course not" Kurt snorted, then remembered Sebastian had actually cried last night. "I mean… last night he was a mess, then it got better, and then this morning… he was so happy at first, but then..."

Finn and Quinn observed him expectantly, but Kurt did not know how much to tell them.

"Then he was a mess again. I don't know. He's just a bipolar tool" Kurt said and felt guilty right after, because he didn't really think that about Sebastian. "It's just that one minute he's so sweet, and the next one he's so selfish."

"Well, you knew what you were getting into" Quinn stated, as if that could help. "Or what, did he make you any promises?" She asked, sarcastically.

"Not really" Kurt admitted and suffered the painful look of Finn, who looked so sorry it was ridiculous. "I'm okay, Finn, really. He likes me, that much he told me."

"But is that enough?" Quinn asked, not intentionally hurtful but… "I mean, you just want him to like you? 'Cause a relationship is a little bit more than that."

"I know what a relationship is like" Kurt shook his head, annoyed. "Look, I just want to help him. He needs me now, okay?"

"He didn't need you at first" Quinn pointed out, "you created this situation. I told you he's a grown man, Kurt, he can take care of himself just fine."

"Quinn, come on" Finn interfered, probably because he hadn't endured as much as the girl had. "We all need a little help to get us through things. Maybe he's got nobody besides Kurt."

"He's got a friend" Kurt defended, just so they stopped making assumptions that Sebastian was a recluse loner, "but it's kind of twisted."

"Twisted how?" Both Quinn and Finn asked.

"They were a couple of three" Kurt explained, because he had been dying to share that gossip since he first learned it from Brittany, weeks before he even met Sebastian. "The girl that passed away, Sebastian and this other girl, Santana, who's now his friend."

"Wow, man!" Finn tried to fist bump Kurt, but Kurt didn't return it. "That's so sick" he looked so stupidly happy, "way to go, bro."

"Finn, it's not me who got a three way" Kurt snorted.

"Still" Finn grinned, "I'm proud of you."

Quinn made a disgusted face, "You're so simple."

"Maybe, but I want to know this guy" Finn said, picking up his backpack, "he could give me a tip or two to convince Rachel..."

"Yeah, keep dreaming" Quinn chuckled. "Hey, where are you going?"

"I gotta tell Puck" Finn said as if it was obvious. "He's gonna freak out."

"No, you won't" Quinn threatened him, pointing a finger at him, "haven't you considered that maybe Kurt doesn't want anyone to know about this? He's a minor! If the wrong person hears about him and Sebastian, things could get pretty nasty."

"Who said anything about Kurt and Sebastian?" Finn sighed, pushing Quinn back with his index finger, "I'll tell him about the three-way, I'll say Kurt heard it from Brittany, it'll be fine."

"Finn, be smart about this, please?" Kurt begged his best friend, "whatever you tell him, just make sure you leave me out of it."

Quinn gasped, apparently outraged that Kurt was giving Finn permission to tell. "There's no talking him out of it, Quinn. Just let him fantasize about the silly gossip."

"Fine" Quinn rolled her eyes, "God, you keep ignoring my advices, Kurt. I don't know why I bother."

"We appreciate your advices, Quinn" Finn pinched at the blonde's cheek, "but sometimes, men got to have their gossips."

"Right" Quinn snorted as Finn left, and turned to look at Kurt once more. "What's your plan, then?"

"My plan was making up a plan with Finn today. As you can see, that went well."

They both chuckled, and Kurt shot her a sad smile. "I just wish the power dynamic wasn't that obvious. Have you ever felt like that? Like you were so obviously the inferior part? Like... there's no way you could be equals?"

Quinn squeezed his arm, giving a rare gesture of affection. "Let me help you with this. I know all about the troubled ones. I've been one of them."


	8. Chapter 8

Hi guys! Don't ask me, I just can't stop writing lately. But I need to if I want to finish my master thesis T.T So, here's another chapter before I need to stop.

Happy reading!

* * *

Sebastian was feeling freaking spectacular these days.

The weird attraction he had felt towards Kurt since they met had freaked him out from the start. The kid was, after all, a seventeen-year-old. And yet, every time Kurt had made an attempt to get under Sebastian's skin, the attraction had only gotten stronger. Like a really annoying itch Sebastian desperately wanted to scratch, only he was too scared to do so.

The way Sebastian figured it, when someone normally had an itch, scratching it only made things worse. Take the chickenpox, for instance. Scratching those itches only left nasty marks on your skin, and Sebastian supposed that hooking up with a teenager would do much of the same.

 _Don't you ever take a risk?_ Kurt had asked him that one time he had chased Sebastian after work. Well, for a long time, Sebastian hadn't felt allured enough to take one, in any aspect of life. He had been too numbed since Julie's passing to even notice the challenges that life presented him.

But Kurt had awoken him, and as it turned out, you never knew. Because, quite frankly, giving in to his weird attraction to Kurt was just the best decision Sebastian had made in a long time.

He even did better at work, managed to meet the deadlines and noticed he needed a haircut before John, the creep that kept glancing at him from Accounting, had the time to sigh about how good Sebastian looked with longer locks.

But the best part was he was finally getting great sleep at his apartment. He hadn't met the kid for two days and the insomnia was not striking back. Which didn't mean Kurt's services were not needed anymore. At this point, Sebastian knew he wanted Kurt for a little more than getting some sleep.

He wanted him physically now, but he also wanted the boy to just take his mind off things and make him feel lighter. Like a drug fix he could control.

And that was just the thing. Sebastian had been feeling like everything escaped his control these past few months. Like he had no say whatsoever on anything. Life moved and changed pretty fast, people disappeared, and he felt powerless when it came to controlling his surroundings.

But now, suddenly, he had Kurt, this good, easy-to-control thing that had been given to him, like a gift. And who was Sebastian to reject it?

 _To Kurt: I'm needing my Kurt fix about tonight._

"You got some, didn't you?" Brittany suddenly whispered on Sebastian's ear, making him jump. He quickly hid his cell phone, alarmed.

"You read that?" He felt surprisingly scared. How easily the tables turned. As long as Kurt and him were a secret, he had everything in control. The second anyone knew about them… he was screwed. And Brittany wasn't just somebody, she was his sister!

Brittany gave him a funny look. "Read what? Your column? Don't take it personally, Sebastian, but I never even read Santana's. It's just too sad. Only black and white, don't you ever get tired of those colors?" She asked, intrigued, then casually sat on his desk.

"It keeps it classy, Brittany. Old-school. Aesthetics are important" he winked at her, then looked around wondering where the hell Santana was and why she wasn't making a scene already. "Uh- no offense, by the way, but should you be here?" He asked, as politely as he could.

Brittany narrowed his eyes at him and her gesture turned sad. "You're kicking me out? I thought we were friends, Seb."

"I'm not kicking you out" Sebastian murmured, not really keen on the idea of his coworkers eavesdropping. "I just happen to know you're not on good terms with Santana. And you don't wanna piss her off today of all days."

"Why? Why not today?" Brittany asked, childishly curious.

"It's her abuela's birthday" Sebastian stated, as if that was obvious.

"So what?" Brittany seemed lost, which Sebastian found strange. How long had they been dating again?

"You- you don't know about her abuela? She banished Santana from Lima Heights. The woman went cray-cray on her when Santana came out" Sebastian explained. "And now every year, she's the only one of her family not allowed to attend her grandma's birthday."

Brittany seemed to be at the very edge of crying. "No! That's so sad" she lamented, then patted her own boobs. "She must be really missing these today."

Sebastian couldn't help a chuckle. "How could she not, Brittany?"

The blonde sighed. "You know? I would just forgive her, but she didn't apologize yet, so it's kind of difficult to do that when she won't call and-"

"Sounds like her" Sebastian said, watching Santana's desk nervously. The girl would be back any minute and then it would be doom's day. Brittany kept babbling and there was not shutting her up.

"… And I know you're gonna take my brother's side, but I can't just convert to Catholicism and-"

"Whoa- whoa- whoa-, wait, your brother? Why would I take your brother's side? I mean" Sebastian was the one babbling now, nervously, "I mean- I don't even like your brother."

"Why? Is it because he always brushes his teeth twice in the mornings?" Brittany inquired, adopting a condescending tone.

"Wait, did you just say 'convert to Catholicism'?" Sebastian picked up, perplexed.

"Yeah, I wanted to do something nice for her" the blonde explained, "so I took Mr. Tubbington to the church and I asked Santana's priest to baptize him, but he said they'd only take people, and how could I join a cult that won't allow cats into their kingdom? I mean, what else am I supposed to do with my cat when I'm dead?"

Sebastian couldn't believe his ears. Did Kurt have to deal with this on a daily basis? "And your brother said you should convert?" He asked, not following the story.

"No, he said I should castrate Mr. Tubbington, but that's got nothing to do with this."

"Indeed" Sebastian observed, amused. "Well, your cat should not be allowed anywhere, that much I agree with the priest" he said, and Brittany seemed about to protest, so he cut in- "But anyway, Brit, like I said- you really shouldn't be here. Santana's gonna go nuts as soon as she sees you. The other day she almost kills your brother."

"Kurt? Why? Did he come here?" The blonde asked, innocently.

Sebastian went pale. _I should not have said that_.

"No?" Sebastian tried to backpedal, "I mean, he was looking for you, I think."

"Oh. How curious, 'cause I haven't told him yet that I'm the new receptionist now" Brittany commented, casually.

Sebastian widened his eyes. "You're what?"

"Oh, I didn't tell you either?" The blonde jumped and hugged him, "I work here now, and not just as tiny-apple-deliverer!" She seemed so excited and happy. "They hired me last week. People leave their phones unattended all the time, you knew that? I picked one at random, and it turned out to be the boss. He liked my voice, and now I work here."

"Wow. That's an irreverent story if I've ever heard any. Congratulations, then. Guess doom's day is gonna happen whether I try to prevent it or not."

"Nah, it's not a hard work. I just put 'em on hold until they get tired and hung up" she said while she adjusted the laces on her ankles. "So. When am I gonna meet her?"

Sebastian startled. "Her? Who?"

"You got some" Brittany insisted, grinning like a happy kid, "I can tell by your skin, it looks much more radiant than last week. And your ears, I mean" she tagged at them, "I know how ears look like after sex."

Sebastian self-consciously covered his ears. His stomach twirled. Oh, boy. _What the what?_

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Brit, but I haven't been that lucky lately" he smirked, then sat down again to go back to work. If only Brittany could take a hint…

"Yeah, yeah" Brittany said in a suspicious tone and patted his head. "You'll tell me all about her sooner or later. Or not. I'm a psychic, so I don't really need you to. I can see her."

Sebastian snorted. "Sure."

He started tapping the keyboard to make himself look busy, but Brittany wasn't leaving yet. The girl was suddenly smelling his crown.

"Or him" she pointed out, then smelled once again and finally left.

Sebastian scratched his crown. Did he smell like Kurt's sheets? Kurt's cologne? _Fuck_.

 _To Kurt: My place this time._

/

"But it's Friday night" Quinn answered, even though Kurt hadn't asked anything.

And how on Earth he had ended up hanging out with Quinn on a Friday night, he had no idea. _I mean,_ they had always been sort of friends. At the very least, they had never hated each other, and that was something when it came to the glee club. But hanging out? On a Friday night? That was remarkable.

And the reason they were hanging out was even more remarkable. Quinn had volunteered herself to help Kurt with the whole Sebastian ordeal. Of course, Kurt had been cautious as to how much he told the girl. But it wasn't really necessary. Quinn wasn't as gossip as the other glee girls. She wasn't interested in the details because she was perceptive enough to get to the thick of things with the basics.

And Sebastian she had figured out quite quickly. That much Kurt would give her. So if the girl said Kurt's plan had sucked so far, then Kurt would at least listen to her.

"He's not even asking" Quinn snorted, pointing at his cell phone. "Just how sad he thinks you are? He texts you at six in the afternoon! As if you didn't have any plans already!"

"But I don't have any plans-" Kurt defended, embarrassed.

"Well, you're with me! And besides, that's not the point!" She looked furious now, which Kurt imagined he should take as a compliment, "The point is- he thinks you're always available, always at his disposal, Kurt!"

"Well, I'm in high school, Quinn. In Lima. How could I not be available?" He joked, because he found Quinn's outrage a little over the top.

"Kurt, honey, you don't get it" she paced the room, impatiently. "He knows you're a senior. You should at least try and pretend that you've got some things going on. Otherwise, how much of a challenge are you?"

"Ugh, I _don't_ like these things at all!" Kurt protested, throwing his hands in the air. "I'm not that kind of person! I don't do the games and the intrigues, playing hard to get… If I like someone, why should I try to hide it?"

"Because you're way passed that point. Things get tricky when you're actually seeing someone" the blonde explained, "if your plan is just being completely available to him, then I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but you're bound to lose."

"Sorry my ass" Kurt narrowed his eyes at her, "but I guess you've got a point. I don't know. What would you do, then? I already ignored him for two days. He texted _me,_ you saw it!"

"Because he's horny, or bored, but not because he needs _you_ " she pointed out.

"You don't know that" Kurt defended, feeling somewhat offended. "Could you just stop making assumptions about him? Let's stick to the planning, _please_ " he sighed, tired of it all already.

"All right" Quinn conceded, and didn't look a bit offended herself, which was something Kurt appreciated about her, because he wasn't about to apologize. "First, you wait. Never text back right away anyone, not even your mom" then realized what she had just said, and cleared her throat, "I mean, your dad, or whatever."

She got up and peeked at Kurt's wardrobe, which only made Kurt snorted. It was one thing throwing in some dating advice, and a whole other picking up his outfit. She did _not_ have that much fashion authority, Quinn Fabray or not.

"Not only you'd seem lame, and desperate for his time, but also controllable. Just because you have a cell phone, doesn't mean you've got to be at reach all the time, you follow me?"

"That might be the first reasonable thing I've heard you say today" Kurt said, which was met with a glare from the girl. "I mean it, it's a very good point."

"Of course it's a good point" she rolled her eyes, as if she just never caught a break. "So after you wait at least one hour, then you play hard to get- yeah, I know, you hate it, but it's the oldest trick on the book and it always works for a reason: we are all _that_ simple."

"Quinn, it's not that you're wrong" Kurt started, because he was aware how simple people were, not him, "but how could I possibly do that when I've already played the _easiest_ to get?" He chuckled, "I mean, like no effort at all."

"That's a very good question, Kurt" she told him excitedly, in a only slightly condescending tone, "'cause that's when you realize your strategy sucked, but it didn't suck that much that it's irreparable. Let's be real, some severe damage has been done, but we can get you back on the race, fear not."

"You should write a book, you know" Kurt chuckled, "I mean, I would buy it, if only to ignore it completely right after..."

"Kurt, you've got to at least try" Quinn insisted, "I'm aware dignity is born, not made, but you can always try."

"I've got dignity!" Kurt argued this time, because the girl wasn't any subtle.

"Great, if you do have any, then stop for one second and think about the way he sees you: easy, predictable, enamored… Is that fair to you?" She asked, and _damn_ Quinn's cold judgment, because she knew her way to anyone's sore spots.

"No" Kurt muttered, annoyed. "It's not like I'm in love with him, you know? Just… pretty aware he's the most fascinating thing that'll ever happen to me" he admitted with frustration. "But I'll live."

"Ugh" Quinn snapped her fingers, "wake up, Kurt. The sooner your fantasy bubble breaks, the better. I told you before: he's not a fascinating thing you need to decipher. He's just some guy going through a hard time."

"And I heard you perfectly fine the first time!" Kurt complained, "Geez, cut to the chase, what am I doing tonight, about this?" He raised his cell phone, impatiently.

"Okay, okay" the girl exhaled, then adopted a concentrated gesture, "tell him you've already got plans for tonight. What a pity."

"I'm not doing that" Kurt chuckled, nervously. "I wanna see him."

"And you will. Let's just see how he reacts, shall we? Don't you wanna see him beg for your time?" Quinn smirked, and _damn her,_ because she managed to get under Kurt's skin. "Keep it vague, though. Don't say you're going to the cinema, for Christ's sake."

 _To Sebastian: Sorry, got plans tonight! Raincheck?_

Kurt could not believe what he had just done. He had rejected Sebastian! Oh, dear. And yet it didn't feel as terrible as he had thought. In fact, it felt ten times better than being aware you didn't have the upper hand.

Sebastian, who obviously didn't have Quinn's book on dates, took less than a minute to text back.

"That's 'cause he can" Quinn explained him, which of course made Kurt furious.

 _From Sebastian: Pretty sure my plans are cooler. Ditch them. See you in 30'' where you first chased me like the petit lovebird you are._

Quinn actually laughed at the text.

"Great. Now you both know how pathetic I am" Kurt sighed, more sad than annoyed. If Sebastian's text proved anything, was that Quinn was freaking right. The man thought Kurt was completely at his disposal. Well, that needed to change.

"Let me" Quinn grabbed his phone, and Kurt let her.

 _To Sebastian: Your plans tend to be pretty basic, normally involve just a bed. Mine involve party and fabulous outfits. See if you can top that ;)_

"Oh my GOD!" Kurt exclaimed, so nervous he couldn't handle it. "You did not!" He giggled, stupidly. "That's like the best comeback ever. We should frame it!"

"We can actually sit and wait, 'cause I'm pretty sure it's gonna take him a while to come up with something" Quinn smiled, full of herself. She deserved it, though. "Now, where should we go tonight?" She murmured, then went through Kurt's outfits once again and grabbed a few items.

"Beg you pardon?" Kurt asked, confused.

"Us" she said, and much to Kurt's surprise, she was actually trying on one of Kurt's shirts over her own clothes, "we should go somewhere."

Kurt had to laugh, because that had to be a joke. "What do you mean _us_? I'm going to Sebastian's, you do whatever you want."

Quinn arched an eyebrow at him, but apparently decided to ignore Kurt. "I've heard of this party uptown, it's supposed to be a big deal. The trans kids shelter's throwing this ball, to raise awareness or something, and there's going to be some big talk about queer theories, and like a movie themed quest, with 70s music, and whatnot. Blaine seemed pretty optimistic that it would be one for the ages and I-"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Kurt cut her, because he just couldn't take it. "Please, don't tell me you just made me ditch Sebastian so I could go with you to some weird, queer party, Quinn Fabray!"

"Hey, I didn't make you do anything" the blonde defended, but she wasn't paying him much attention, really. She was looking at Kurt's ties now.

"No no no no, you said I was seeing Sebastian tonight. I don't care what you do, but fix this and make it happen! You can call Blaine and go with him, if that's what you're suddenly into" he scoffed, moodily.

"I'm not into anything" Quinn stated, "and that's just it, if you know what I mean" she said more to herself than to Kurt. "Come on, Kurt" she turned to look at him, with an intrigued look, "don't tell me you don't want to go to a thing like that. This is Lima. I'm never even slightly excited about anything that happens here. This sounds big."

"This sounds like a room with ten weirdos with bad hairdos" Kurt snorted.

"I can't believe that you, of all people, choose to be that judgmental" Quinn argued, frowning. "You heard queer and that's what you imagine, really? Shouldn't you know better than that?"

Kurt was about to bite back when his phone buzzed. _Dear Gaga_ , he didn't even want to know. Would Sebastian tell him to got to hell?

 _From Finn: Kurt where r u, i'm stuck at the gay party w Blaine and Rachel, please come!_

"Unbelievable" Kurt muttered, "what is it with this party?"

"Kurt!"

There was a slam of the door and Brittany was suddenly jumping on his step-brother. "I need major, **major** fashion advice!" the girl said, taking him by the hand, "oh hi Quinn" she waved, then picked up on what Quinn was doing, "that's- that's genius!" the blonde exclaimed, then went to Kurt's wardrobe directly and went through the outfits without even asking for permission.

"Hey!" Kurt protested, "you two, hands where I can see 'em!"

Quinn and Brittany gave him a pointed look, then just looked at each other and laughed.

"You're going out, Brittany?" Quinn asked her, plainly ignoring Kurt.

"Affirmative. The gay party. Santana there" Brittany said between breaths. She seemed so nervous it made Kurt anxious.

"She still hasn't apologized, Brit" Kurt reminded her.

"Interesting" Quinn gave him a knowing look, "no wonder she's friends with Sebastian."

Kurt glared at her and tried to murder the girl, but thankfully Brittany seemed too lost on her concerns to even pay attention.

"I know" Brittany admitted, tiredly, "but waiting is so exhausting. I kind of don't remember what we were fighting about anymore."

"Problem solved, then" Quinn said, sarcastically.

"You think?" Brittany asked, delighted. "Yeah, I guess fights should expire at some point. Anyway, I gotta get there before Sebastian leaves for his hot date, 'cause then Santana will be there on her own, and it won't be long until she's found someone else to keep her entertained."

"Sebastian?" Kurt found himself asking. "Hot date?"

He wanted to die. There had been like, what, fifteen minutes? The man had replaced him already? Kurt damned himself. That was what happened when you listened to Quinn Fabray!

"Well look at that" Quinn gave him a confidential smirk that Kurt didn't understand.

"Yeah, he's seeing someone. Personally, I'm glad, because I like him, but I wasn't about to share Santana with him" Brittany explained, then carelessly took off her top and tried on one of Kurt's shirts. "With you, maybe" she said looking at Quinn, "but with Sebastian..."

Quinn seemed to find it funny, "Why? Is he an arrogant asshole?"

"Who, Sebastian?" Brittany asked, chuckling. "But he's such a monkey! Oh no, of course not. He's the best."

Quinn frowned, obviously not pleased with the blonde's answer, but Kurt loved it.

"Well, I wouldn't worry too much about him leaving for his hot date" Quinn said without hiding her disdain, "something tells me his hot date has even hotter plans" she winked at Kurt.

Kurt frowned. Wait, what? Was he… Was Quinn implying…? Was he Sebastian's hot date?! His phone buzzed.

 _From Sebastian: What an annoying little prick you are. Fine. I'm partying myself. See if I care._

"Oh, he's mad" Kurt murmured, nervously. _Yikes_ , he didn't like harsh Sebastian that much.

Quinn, on the other hand, was beaming. "How does that party sound now, Kurt?"

"You're coming to the party?!" Brittany asked, excited, trying on some leotards now.

Kurt sighed, defeated. "I guess we are."

/

As Sebastian had predicted, Santana was a hell of a mess today. She had raised countless shots to toast to her _evil abuela_ , and Sebastian had politely accompanied her at first.

But this was too much. This party she had insisted on going was just too much. It seemed like the kind of place Kurt would go, to be honest. There were colors and glitter and unicorns everywhere, and people on strange outfits on every corner. But that might be because Santana and he hadn't even made it to the first floor. They were at the "bar", at the basement, and the bartender was giving them the eye, which meant this wasn't the kind of party where one got drunk.

Upstairs there were a few fund raisings and two talks, and a cine-forum as well, but of course Santana was not interested in any of those. And neither was Sebastian. Actually, he just didn't understand why they were even interested in the basement.

"Santana, why don't we just go to a bar?" He protested. Santana was singing her heart out on a rendition of _Noelia_ , a Spanish song he had never heard before ( _thank heavens_ ). And everybody was looking at them like they were killing puppies or something.

To make things worse, Santana started to feel nauseous and raged towards the bathroom.

"Hey, man" the bartender told him, with an uncomfortable expression. "This is not that kind of place. This is supposed to be for the kids, you know? For the trans kids of Lima. Take your girl to a bar before this place gets too crowded."

"If only she was my girl" Sebastian murmured, annoyed, _then it'd make sense why I put up with her crap_.

Still, he was aware he needed to cut Santana some slack today. She had not had it easily lately. First Julie, then Brittany and now her abuela all over again. At least things were looking better for him.

Or weren't they? Some guts the kid had, turning him down like that. Not that Sebastian worried too much, but still. He called the shots, didn't he? Did Kurt think he was fooling anybody?

A short guy, with incredibly gelled hair, bumped against his shoulder then.

"Oh, sorry!" The brunet said, then stepped on his own foot and almost lost his balance. He looked severely wasted, but he also looked no older than nineteen.

"For the kids, huh?" Sebastian asked the bartender, "you wanna help the kids? Don't serve any alcohol to minors, for starters."

The short, brunet guy gave Sebastian a really confused look.

"Hey, who the hell poured this kid a drink? Ask for the IDs, you guys! Come on!" The bartender called off his crew, angrily.

"Oh- no- no-, no one served me" the kid raised his hands, defenseless, "I just got here. Everybody chill."

"Well, they definitely served you elsewhere" Sebastian gave him a frown, "and you seem like a light-weight. Take it easy, won't you? You're just a kid and you don't want to embarrass yourself yet, do you?"

Santana chose that very moment to reappear, looking like hell and smelling like vomit.

"I just vomitted my stomach, my kidneys, and if I had more more than two, I'd puke them as well" she said, carelessly, then called the bartender, "some tequila here for the children in need of tequila!"

"See what I was talking about?" Sebastian murmured to the kid, feeling utterly embarrassed himself. "Hey, Santana- let's get out of here, I heard they ran out of cumbia songs, why don't we go to Breadsticks, aren't you hungry?"

"Nah, not really. Besides, there's food upstairs. And Brittany's not here yet. You sure you told her I was going to be here with your lame ass?"

"Brittany?" The brunet, short kid asked, who by the way still stood there. "And you're Santana?"

Santana gave him a cold, disgusted glare. "Who the hell are you?"

The kid's gesture turned out scared, and Sebastian couldn't help a chuckle.

"Don't take it personally, kid. That's how she says hi."

"Right. I'm Blaine Anderson. And I just saw Brittany upstairs. I go to school with her brother, Kurt. We're friends. I guess" he babbled. Gosh, he looked sweaty, Sebastian noticed, and the purple glitter on his forehead was melting down to his temples. "I mean, he was my boyfriend, not long ago."

Sebastian's stomach jumped. _No way_. So this was Kurt's one guy. Not bad. He looked handsome, Sebastian guessed, just a little bit too uninteresting to him.

Also, did that mean Kurt was here? Was this the party Kurt had ditched him for?

Santana grabbed Sebastian's arm, violently. "The hell we're doing here! Let's go upstairs!"

"Wait!" Sebastian warned her, "there are actual kids up there, San. You need to behave yourself."

Santana made a disgusted face and slapped his arm. "You behave yourself, you asshole. I'm perfectly fine" she scoffed, then thought it better and grabbed a lipstick from her purse. "Be right back."

She disappeared for the bathroom, and Sebastian noticed that Blaine guy was _still_ standing there.

"Kid, no one's gonna buy you a drink" Sebastian chuckled.

"Oh" Blaine blushed, but came a little bit closer to Sebastian, "not even you?" he asked, flirty but timid at the same time.

"Whoa- this is freakish" Sebastian jumped on his seat, thinking of Kurt, unsettled. "So, uh- are you alone here? Brittany and his brother are also upstairs…?"

"Yeah, they are" Blaine answered, raising an eyebrow at Sebastian. "I can take you there, if you want, but I think the movie quest is about to start."

"So what?" Sebastian asked, confused.

"You know Kurt?" Blaine asked back, amused. Sebastian frowned, because he really didn't. "He loves those. I'm just hiding here until they're done."

 _Of course he does_ , Sebastian thought to himself. Kurt looked like the kind of person that loved silly things like those.

Sebastian felt a tight, harsh hold on his arm and was pulled towards the stairs. Santana was raging upstairs, and somehow she had managed to smell nicely again, and look slightly prettier. _I mean_ , she still looked wasted as fuck.

"There she is" she mumbled, but appeared to have lost her courage as soon as she spotted Brittany. She turned to face Sebastian. "Okay, now what?!" She asked him, desperate.

"San, you're sweating" Sebastian noticed, amused. "I've never seen you lose your cool like this before" he chuckled. God it felt nice seeing Santana in pain.

The latina girl slapped his forearm. "Help me, bastard!"

"All right, all right. But you're not gonna like it" he warned her.

"What do you mean I'm not gonna-"

"HEY BRITTANY!" Sebastian screamed, simply.

Santana looked outraged, but she didn't say a thing, because Brittany was already jumping her way to them.

"Hey, Sebastian!" The girl hugged him really tight, like they hadn't seen each other in ages, when it hadn't been more than hours. "Hey, San" Brittany grinned, then hesitated for a minute and kissed her on the cheek. "Was that an appropriate place for two people who are not talking to each other?" She asked Sebastian, confused.

Sebastian snorted, "I'd say so."

Santana had gone pale. "What are you- hu. What are you doing here, Brit?" She asked, trying to seem casual about it.

Brittany gave her a puzzled look. "What am I doing here…? Sebastian told me you wanted me here, so I came" she explained, flashing her teeth on a bright smile.

"Sebastian!" Santana scolded him. "That is _not_ what I asked you to do, you useless motherf-"

"Why? You didn't want me here? Are you not happy that I'm here?" The blonde asked, at the edge of tears.

Sebastian took that as his cue to leave. Enough of the nonsense. Now he only needed to find Kurt. _But wait_. What was he supposed to do, then? He was on his own. Kurt would probably be with his friends. He had no social leverage whatsoever.

"You didn't find him?" That Blaine guy was next to him once again.

"Find who?" Sebastian asked, disoriented.

"Kurt. He's right there" he pointed at a group of kids that were sitting on the floor while attentively listening to a woman talk. The woman looked like an old hippie. And she was… wait, was she smoking?

"I wasn't looking for him" Sebastian defended, "I was- well, I was just- looking around."

Blaine shrugged, then left him standing there and joined Kurt's group.

"Now we choose our partners- this should work better if you couple up, kids. Quickly, pair up" the hippie woman said, and Sebastian hurried before it was too late.

"I'm with Ku-" a blonde girl was starting to say when Sebastian grabbed Kurt's hand sort of abruptly.

"Taken. Sorry" he told the blonde. Kurt looked at him then with really wide eyes.

"Sebastian? What-" Kurt looked at their entangled hands, "what are you doing here?"

"Sebastian" a freakishly tall guy stated, going a little pale.

"Sebastian who?" a really petite girl asked, examining Sebastian from head to toes.

Only the blonde girl who he had stolen Kurt from didn't look surprised. She was giving him a questioning and judging look instead.

"Sebastian is- uh- Brittany's friend" Kurt said, awkwardly. "Yeah, he's- always crashing at my place" he explained, which wasn't a lie, but made Sebastian's stomach twirl, "so we've met for a while. Hey" he punched Sebastian playfully on the ribs, then let go of his hand, "how are you doing, Seb? My sister said you were joining us."

"Yeah, took me a while to find you" Sebastian smirked, "I was looking for some fabulous outfits; got the wrong directions, I guess" he looked at Kurt's glitter pants, amused.

Kurt folded his arms, annoyed already, "The theme's supposed to be the 70s, you knew that, chipmunk?"

Sebastian chuckled, then threw an arm around the kid, "I'm messing with you, petit."

Kurt blushed, and the rest of his friends kept observing them, to make things more awkward.

The old hippie woman had paired up everyone already and was screaming: "Don't forget to pick a card!"

"Let's go" Sebastian grabbed Kurt's hand once again and took them away from there, not without picking a card first, thanks to Kurt's complaints.

The rest of the kids paired up as well: the two girls made one team, and the tall guy with Blaine made another. Sebastian took Kurt behind the curtains so they could say 'hi' to each other in a proper way.

He grabbed Kurt by the waist and kissed him, warm but calmly, and felt himself recharge. It honestly worked like a fix.

"Hi" Sebastian whispered over Kurt's eyelids, planting another kiss on his forehead. "So this is what you ditched me for?"

Kurt looked conflicted, but also happy. _Come on!_ Of course he looked happy to see Sebastian. It was only natural, Sebastian figured.

"Uh-hu" Kurt nodded, but went straight for another kiss right after. "How stupid of me."

"Indeed" Sebastian nuzzled down his neck, kissing it softly. Then went a little higher and kissed Kurt's cheek. "It's a good thing we've got such tacky friends, isn't it."

"Yeah" Kurt agreed, not even able to open his eyes now that Sebastian was nibbling on his neck again. And back at his lips. And on to his earlobe. "Thank God."

"And yet you seemed to have some complaints about my plans and our bed time..." Sebastian clicked his tongue, playfully calling him out.

" _Again_ , how very, very stupid of me" Kurt breathed out, sinking his fingers on Sebastian's hair, delicately.

"Yeah, we should have you checked" Sebastian played along, then let his skin be kissed by Kurt's soft lips, all over his clavicles, "'cause see, there's this one bed, asking me so desperately for an introduction to you..."

Kurt smiled against Sebastian's neck now, his hands stroking his torso so gently it was heaven. "Well, why should I be so rude. I must meet that bed."

Sebastian chuckled, blissfully. Then squeezed the kid closer and hid his nose on Kurt's crook. It smelled so good…

"This is how we're saying 'hi' from now on" he suggested.

"I'm on board" Kurt smiled, pulling away a little just to smile at him with his eyes as well.

It was a weird feeling, having Kurt giving him that smile and that look. It made Sebastian want to be nicer to him, for some reason. Not that he was actually bad or anything, but maybe… maybe he hadn't had the best intentions at heart with Kurt so far.

"You wanna do this?" Sebastian fished out the card from his pocket and showed it to Kurt.

Kurt's face lightened up. Yeah, Blaine hadn't lied to him. Kurt loved those silly movie quests. And he obviously didn't know much about the kid yet.

"Do _you_ wanna do that?" Kurt chuckled, suspiciously.

"What are you talking about? These movie quests? They rock" Sebastian chuckled. "Let's go win this thing."

"There's no prize" Kurt pointed out, amused, "you know that, right?"

"Mm. Maybe not for those suckers" Sebastian whispered while he squeezed Kurt's ass.


	9. Chapter 9

Hi guys! Apparently I don't care much about my studies u.u so here's another chapter to keep unravelling these two lovely men's dynamic. How are you liking it / hating it so far? I would love to read your impressions, please 3

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The movie quest lasted about ten freaking minutes! Kurt was outraged. Had he known it was only five questions, he had _at least_ taken his time to answer 'em. Mostly, because that was how long it took to lose all contact with Sebastian.

While they were alone, reading the silly questions and answering to the old hippie woman, Sebastian acted like they were closer than ever. His grip didn't leave Kurt's waist, and his arms were all over his shoulders and neck, always finding an excuse to touch him. And Kurt was quickly infected by Sebastian's warmth. In a matter of seconds, he forgot about Quinn's advices and remarks, because all he could do was leaning on Sebastian. And Sebastian's proximity felt so intimate, it was just like they were a coup-…

But _no_ , they weren't, Kurt needed to remind himself that whatever they had, it was not romantic. Sebastian had been pretty clear: he just needed some arms. It just happened to be Kurt's now, but that didn't mean anything.

And yet when Sebastian whispered things like _these_ on his ear, Kurt couldn't help the shiver running down his spine:

"It's like you wanted me to pin you against this table right here" he said while pinching at Kurt's pants, which felt even tighter now that Sebastian kept touching him, "is that what you want?" he teased, his hand playfully slipping under Kurt's shirt, "why you put on these pants? So I could properly appreciate the contour of your fine ass?"

"Sebastian, stop" Kurt mumbled, snatching Sebastian's hands away why he desperately tried to concentrate on his task at hand: writing down the answers right in front of the hippie woman. Kurt shot her an apologetic smile, even though there was no way she could have heard Sebastian. At least he really hoped so.

But Sebastian wasn't one to be bothered with having an audience. Furthermore, it seemed to only please him. "But, here's what I don't get, Kurtie. You ditched me tonight, which kind of makes me wonder, was this outfit not meant to impress _me_?" He asked, pretending to be hurt, but throwing himself off by pinching at Kurt's nipple this time.

Kurt gave him an awkward smile and handed over the card with the answers to the woman, _finally_. Then he caught Sebastian's hand and took him to a corner. He quickly scanned the room, making sure there was no one they knew at sight.

"Kurtie, Kurtie" Sebastian seized his waist once again and brought him closer, carelessly. "You're telling me _this_ wasn't for me, then?"

Sebastian's hand felt his way up Kurt's sides, and having no longer to focus on writing anything, Kurt had no choice but to look Sebastian in the eye. He had nowhere to hide from that full-of-himself, arrogant, mischievous smirk. It was like Sebastian was devouring him just for fun, just to play around a bit, in a game Kurt had already lost. But what a sweet surrender it was.

"Of course it was for you" Kurt scoffed, looking down. He didn't want to give Sebastian the satisfaction of knowing how much he thought about him, and yet he found some twisted gratification on being so stupidly honest. _God_ , he felt so conflicted.

Sebastian chuckled for a second, then a silence seemed to close over them and the man took a step closer. "You say that like it's a bad thing" he observed.

Kurt couldn't help but give him the "oh come on!" look. _Give me a break_ , Kurt thought. Sebastian knew what an insane amount of control he had over the situation and how Kurt hadn't any. He _knew_ , of course he did.

Sebastian's stare softened, then. "It's not, Kurt. Me? I'm just wildly flattered that you even put some thought at all on dressing yourself for me" Sebastian said in a sultry, slightly hoarse tone, "just so you know."

To make it all harder, he cupped Kurt's face and kissed him in the cheek, which obviously triggered a knee-jerk reaction on Kurt and made him search for Sebastian's mouth immediately.

Sebastian returned it, as it was natural, and their legs got so entangled, and their bodies so heated up (at least Kurt's) that they were breaking it quickly after.

It was Sebastian who scanned the room this time, with an annoyed expression. "Why the hell we're even here yet?"

Kurt chuckled, but it never turned into laugh because soon right after he spotted Blaine and Finn, who joined them, and then Sebastian left to join Brittany and Santana, and that was why they were apart now, and why Kurt was wishing they had been smarter and prolong the quest, or just go hide behind the curtain again.

Instead, he was stuck now in dull conversation with Finn and the gang about how to make the ultimate, stylish vest for their glee coach Mr. Schue, as a farewell present when they graduated.

But Sebastian kept glancing longingly at him, from across the room, when no one was paying attention. And Kurt would take as little as he could. Sebastian was right. Why the hell were they even here yet?

"Don't you even think about it" Quinn whispered, harshly.

Kurt jumped, no longer feeling safe with his thoughts. Sebastian and he were being almost-paranoid discreet with the furtive looks, come on!

"How- what…?" Kurt babbled, then let Quinn take him aside.

"Stay and have fun with your friends, Kurt. Dance a little! Look at Blaine with the freckled guy" they looked at Blaine then, who was clearly cutting loose on the living-room turned dance-floor.

But as _tempting_ as that was, Kurt couldn't help a sigh. "Look, Quinn, I get it. And you're right. You've been right all along, 'kay? I- thank you, but it's time you accept that I want to surrender. I'm surrendering, okay? And it feels great" he chuckled, somehow intoxicated on the silly, flower-power scene. He felt like doing something stupid that felt great to his soul. And Sebastian seemed like he could be just that.

Quinn gave him some wide eyes, but didn't try to insist anymore. "Okay" she lamented. "Before you leave with him, though… Would you- would you at least have a last dance with me?" She smiled, genuinely, taking him by the hand. "Come on, I just wanna have one of my last dances with the most fun person I've ever know" she said.

Kurt regarded the blonde, a little bit surprised. Who would have guessed? Were they actually friends, then?

"Of course, Ms. Fabray" Kurt bowed before her and took her to the dance floor. "You'll always be my favorite femme fatale, you know that, right?"

Quinn smiled and closed her eyes, then swayed her arms and legs to the music. Kurt realized he hadn't seen her so liberated in a while. She was having fun, not even worried about the old, bad drama with guys, and catholic dads, and babies, and… He felt lucky, for some reason, that they had bonded over such a silly thing like a crush. Maybe Quinn needed him, after all.

They twirled and jumped, and shook their hips like no one's business, and by the time the song had ended, Kurt felt like the night was finally starting, and so he stayed for another song, and another, and another, and soon enough Rachel and Finn had joined them, and then Blaine and… he realized time was precious. In a couple months, they would part ways and high school would seem like a distant memory. But _this_ , here and now, was the present moment, and Kurt felt happy that both Quinn and he were finally enjoying their present, rather than hoping for a better future.

He wondered then if part of that happy feeling was about Sebastian as well. _I mean_ , life had been uneventful until he met the man on his couch not even two weeks ago. Kurt looked for him with his eyes.

Sebastian was standing next to Santana and Brittany, who apparently were no longer fighting. The three of them laughed and drank animatedly, but every so often, if you paid attention, you could notice how Sebastian's stare lost focus. As if he wasn't really here, not really present. He didn't look sad, just kind of lost and spaced out.

Kurt wondered if he'd be thinking about Julie, and a really weird sensation got over him. He hadn't really given much thought to Julie, and didn't know much about the deceased either. These past months, he had observed the impact the girl had on his sister's new romance, though. Julie was a presence between Brittany and Santana, and Brittany sometimes complained that she could not compete with a ghost.

In her most lucid moments, Brittany said it felt like this hollow gap between Santana and her that she could never fill in. She joked and blamed it on her boobs not being big enough to cover the gap, but Kurt knew better than that.

Sebastian's stare suddenly locked with his, then, and Kurt witnessed it gaining focus once again. It got sort of intense, but Sebastian covered it with a harmless smile. The man made him a gesture with his head, calling him over. Kurt felt compelled to go.

"Hey" Sebastian greeted him once again, while Santana and Brittany left for the dance floor. "I see you're having the time of your life, dancing your fine ass off" he joked, but there was no edge on his words. No sharpness. Kurt wondered how far Sebastian might have spaced out, but he hoped it wasn't far enough he was feeling depressed.

Kurt smiled. "Wanna join me?"

"Tempting" Sebastian smiled back, then finished off his beer, "but no, I don't feel like dancing, not really."

Kurt looked around and made sure nobody was watching. Then, really cautiously, planted a peck on Sebastian's cheek.

Sebastian seemed to find it funny. "What was that for?"

Kurt shrugged, careless. He was feeling generous. "Dunno. Maybe you deserved it."

Sebastian shook his head, amused. "I'm not sure about that, but I'll take it."

He took out a cigarette and a lighter, and Kurt couldn't help but make a face.

"Ugh, not that again" Kurt complained, feeling disgusted.

Sebastian chuckled and tagged at Kurt's shirt. " _Yes that again_ , and you're keeping me company outside, fancy pants."

Kurt giggled and put up no resistance, letting Sebastian take his hand and lead their way out.

Once they were out, he had that distinct feeling that they were not coming back. Like when you exit a club to catch some air, and end up going home right after.

They sat on some car's trunk, some very fancy car. It was a convertible Volvo, and _damn_ his slight fixation with Volvos since Edward Cullen happened. Of course, it didn't help that Kurt knew his way around cars, because it only made him obsess harder about the tiny details.

Take, for instance, the heating seats. If they were also leather, then it would too much for Kurt. Too predictable and tacky. But they weren't, which was a win. They were black, but not sumptuous.

"Like my car?" Sebastian asked, piercing Kurt's bubble.

Kurt gave him a suspicious look. "This isn't your car."

Sebastian chuckled. "Why is that? Have you ever seen me in a car before? I mean, I wouldn't be too surprised, given your inclination to stalk me and all-"

Kurt punched him in the ribs, then observed the car more closely. The paint looked old, poorly taken care of, and there was indeed an ashtray inside. Which _yikes_ , was a huge turn-off for Kurt.

"It is your car, isn't it?" He lamented, because it looked messy enough to be Sebastian's. There were also empty bricks and Red Bull cans on the floor, and even some jackets and sweaters on the back seat. "So you _do_ have clothes, then" Kurt observed.

"Give me a break" Sebastian laughed. "My office's nearby, I don't usually take the car much. Except when I have to come to lame, teenage parties, that is."

"Speaking of, how did you end up here tonight?" Kurt asked, intrigued. "I mean, those were mostly eighteen year-olds, aren't those too old for you?" He joked.

Sebastian smirked. "Careful there. You're about to expire, then."

"Ouch" Kurt complained. "You're the first person ever to make me feel old. Which is kind of ironic, come to think of it..."

"Why, don't you want me to make you feel like a man?" Sebastian asked, straight-forwardly.

Kurt was taking off guard by the mischievous question. He never knew how much of what Sebastian said was just bluff, joke or real. It could be all three at once.

Sebastian took two steps closer, standing right in front of Kurt. Kurt realized he was trapped, Sebastian's nose was just millimeters away.

"What do you want from me exactly, Kurt?" Sebastian questioned him, piercing him with his eyes.

Kurt didn't know what to do with himself, the situation had suddenly turned overwhelming. Were they talking metaphorically now? Literally? Was it supposed to be smutty talk? He felt like there was no valid exit.

"I- I've told you before, I don't want anything" Kurt argued, not able to see Sebastian's point.

Sebastian's breath was falling right over his mouth and it felt warm and inviting, but also too real. Dangerous, somehow.

"I think you want me to chase you back" Sebastian observed. He didn't look mad or annoyed, just tired. "Wasn't that what ditching me tonight was about?"

Kurt gulped down. _Yeah_ , he was that obvious when he was on his own, and he was still that obvious when he had Quinn's help. Either way, once again, he represented no mystery whatsoever to Sebastian. If only Sebastian knew how discouraging and unfair that was…

"Look, Kurt. I'm too exhausted for that" Sebastian explained, and Kurt could see he was not being intentionally hurtful, but it was hurting Kurt somewhat. "The chasing, the games… Just let me know if that's how you want this to play, 'cause- I'm just not in the right state of mind for that. I need simple. Uncomplicated. I need someone there, without the effort. And there's not much I can give in return, just my arms, and my proximity. Can you understand that? Is that enough for you?"

Every word Sebastian pronounced, it looked like it was harder for him than the word before. Like he was actually as exhausted as he was claiming. Suddenly, Kurt wasn't so sure Quinn and he had Sebastian figured out at all. He was not selfish, or unfair, he was just a person in pain. Kurt had offered himself before, asking Sebastian _Don't you need anybody?_ So now, what? Was he too scared to keep his promise?

"I just don't want to be your fucktoy" Kurt came clean, because how could he not when Sebastian was all over him, testing him like that. He wanted to help Sebastian, to be what Sebastian needed right now. But he also wanted to feel comfortable on his own skin, which wasn't always easy around the man. "I don't wanna feel like that. Just so- powerless. At your disposal."

There was some process going on behind Sebastian's eyes. He was pondering Kurt's words, which at least made Kurt feel heard.

"Do I make you feel like that?" Sebastian asked, somewhat sad.

Kurt's heart ached. The last thing he wanted was to bring any kind of sadness to this already tortured man.

"I do" Sebastian answered himself, before Kurt could take back his words. He smirked, but this time it was a sarcastic smile, "I'm not too surprised, I've made people feel like that before" he said, his eyes fixing on Kurt again, in an intimidating way. "Only, I didn't care much, to be honest. Sometimes I even liked it. I'm a little twisted, in case you haven't noticed" he said, cynically.

And just like that, Kurt no longer felt sorry for him. _Gosh_ , he was such a major asshole at times. It scared Kurt. He had never, ever, liked assholes. He hated them.

"Oh, I have" Kurt scoffed, no longer intimidated. "I bet you actually like making me feel inferior."

"No, not inferior, hon. Submissive, there's a difference" Sebastian smirked. "You were the one who said you wanted to please me, Kurt" Sebastian's hands trapped him once again against the trunk, making Kurt's stomach twirl and jump and sweat. "That you- what did you say? Oh, yes, that you made the active choice to satisfy me" he stared right at Kurt, defiantly. "You really are full of silly fantasies, aren't you. And when you put them to the test, they scare you, don't they" Sebastian observed, entertaining his thoughts while he caressed Kurt's cheek.

 _Oh shit_ , Kurt wondered if there was something wrong with him. How could he want someone who made him feel so uneasy? Who somehow made it seem like everything was about sex and power dynamics, and silly crushes and fantasies?

"I'm not doing that anymore" Kurt defended, though it felt weak. He felt somewhat hostile, like no matter which attitude he adopted, Sebastian would find a way to use in his own advantage.

"Good" Sebastian smiled, more relaxed now. He simply observed Kurt. "'Cause I'm not doing that to you either, believe or not."

Kurt frowned, confused. "Not doing what?"

Sebastian sighed, like he did when he was getting tired of talking. "I don't see you as my fucktoy, Kurt" he explained, "I actually see you as this fucking amazing thing I've just gotten to help me get by. Doesn't that sound nicer?" He provoked Kurt, biting his nose now.

"Well, that is _nice_ " Kurt said sarcastically. "Do you ever take yourself seriously?" He asked, annoyed. "Look, if you're just telling me that 'cause you think that's what I wanna hear-"

"Jesus Christ..." Sebastian complained and threw up his hands, dramatically, "I'm telling you that 'cause it is what _I_ think. And I _do_ wanna ease your mind, okay? I want you to be happy with this, not to screw your self-esteem."

Kurt wasn't sure he could take Sebastian's word on that. It didn't matter what he said, really, because his actions would have the last word. But Kurt decided to put it on pause for now. After all, he was determined to surrender, wasn't he?

Besides, it was too late to turn back. And Kurt couldn't really find anyone to blame but himself. He had gotten into this, so he would find the way out, or, at the very least, a way to be happy about it.

"Well, let's go then" Kurt prompted, raising his hands just slightly so they could cover Sebastian's arms and caress them. It was time to call a truce, anyway.

"Yeah" Sebastian agreed, holding Kurt back. "We get along much better when we're in bed" he joked.

Kurt gave him a sarcastic look, "I refuse to be that simple."

"Oh, you're anything but simple" Sebastian observed with a smile. "But don't tell me you don't prefer me with my mouth shut, taking care of, let's say, your neck for instance" Sebastian's breath fell over Kurt's clavicles then, tickling his skin; then the man nibbled his way up Kurt's neck, until reaching his lips, where he stole a peck. Kurt shivered and held Sebastian tighter, to feel him closer, 'cause that was all he could think of. "I can make you feel real good if you just stop fighting me" Sebastian added.

Their lips locked then and Kurt realized just how hungry he was for Sebastian. _God_ , if only kissing him didn't feel that good… His lips were so warm, his tongue so pleasant and soft, and the way his hips moved and aimed, just subtly, at Kurt's own was so _damn_ erotic. Or maybe it was Kurt the one moving his hips and Sebastian returned it, he couldn't know for sure. He was just as into it, in any case.

"I'll stop" Kurt whispered, his hand timidly stroking Sebastian's side, then he inhaled on his chest and kissed it, intoxicated with Sebastian's scent. "I promise."

Sebastian's hand sank on his crook, petting Kurt in a twistedly fond way. "Good. Then let's get out of here."

/

Sebastian was letting Kurt drive the convertible, mostly because of the shots with Santana, but ultimately to spoil him a bit. He looked much more relaxed now: the kid was singing along to the radio and the wind threatened to destroy his hairdo, which was only worsened by Sebastian's fingers running freely on his head, but Kurt didn't seem to care.

"Are you mentally adding 'he lets me drive his car' to your very short list of pros?" Sebastian joked.

Kurt shot him a mischievous look from the corner of his eye and chuckled. "It's very short indeed."

"What else is in there?" Sebastian asked, playfully.

"Oh, not much" Kurt played along, "just 'good kisser' and 'got his own place', although you hadn't invited me until tonight" he said, pretending to be resented.

"I _am_ a good kisser, ain't I" Sebastian smirked, capturing Kurt's hand and kissing it softly, then he bit it and Kurt snatched it away. "That's fine, I can think of something I haven't kissed before."

Kurt ignored him, and Sebastian wet his lips. He pulled down Kurt's zipper then and gave him a lustful look, which took Kurt completely off guard.

"Whoa- whoa- whoa- what are you doing?" Kurt asked, his hands taking a firmer grasp on the wheel.

Sebastian slipped his hand under Kurt's underwear and started to stroke his cock, softly as first.

"Shh- shh-" he hushed the boy, "you keep your eyes on the road."

"Dear _Gaga_ , we're gonna have an accident" Kurt said, completely nervous.

"Just relax" Sebastian kissed his cheek, "it's the highway, and there's gotta be at least twenty minutes for the exit."

Kurt didn't say anything, just nodded, but he looked anything but confident.

"Stop worrying, Kurt" Sebastian whispered, stroking his shoulders now as well, "that's an order."

Kurt almost chuckled, "You don't give me orders" he protested, with a pretty harmless tone.

Sebastian stroked him a little more and kissed his neck now. "Well, I make suggestions, then. In bed, they come in handy, and you can bossy me around as well" he whispered, adding some tongue to his kisses.

Kurt's breath got slightly uneasy, and Sebastian felt the erection growing on his hand. "Good boy" he patronized him, knowing how much that would piss off Kurt, but before the kid could say anything, Sebastian liberated Kurt's cock from his boxers and started blowing him off.

It was definitely a first for Sebastian, but he had some experience with getting blows, so he knew exactly _what_ he wanted and _how_ he wanted. He could only hope Kurt would love it as much as he would, because he was no holding back at all.

Right away, he could hear Kurt's moans, no matter how discreet these were. He went back to the handy job just for a moment, to take in Kurt's expression. The boy looked completely blown away, his eyes full of lust but his lips completely sore for how hardly he was biting on them to keep his cool.

Sebastian placed a kiss on his lips. "Careful with these, I'm gonna need them later" he grinned, cockily.

Kurt was so transported he didn't even chuckle or roll his eyes, so Sebastian put his mouth again to good work. He searched for Kurt's testicles and took his time to devour them. He had always suspected those had to felt great on one's mouth, and he wasn't disappointed. Then, as Kurt panted agitatedly, he went back to his cock and put some extra effort on his tongue, trying to cover as much skin as he could.

Kurt's legs went rigid then, his hips started to rock probably unawarely, and it hit Sebastian how much the boy was enjoying this. One of Kurt's hands was no longer on the wheel, but stroking Sebastian's back instead, trying to squeeze whatever skin he found. That only encouraged Sebastian to keep going, to take it deeper while his hands stroked Kurt's crotch, stimulating all the area.

"I- I could just- pass out" Kurt babbled between agitated breaths, his grip on Sebastian firmer than ever, "I'ma- I'm gonna-"

Sebastian took a few more licks and finally let go, quickly looking for a box of tissues on the glove compartment. Kurt came all over his underwear, giving one final moan that sounded like heaven, and Sebastian cleaned the cum on the kid as good as he could.

"Oh, you don't have to- well, thank you" Kurt barely articulated, still severely passed out.

Sebastian finished off and stroked Kurt's shoulders, trying to wake him up a bit. "You're very welcome."

Kurt shot him a fascinated look. The kid looked awed, like he had just hallucinated or something.

"Was that your first blow?" Sebastian asked, slightly amused.

"Sort of" Kurt breathed out, slowly pulling himself together. Sebastian regarded him with curiosity. "I mean, whatever I had before was not like that."

Sebastian chuckled, "Why is that?"

Kurt shared a knowing smile with him. It said: "you know why" but also "I don't mind feeding your ego right now".

"Well, my ex and I, we tried that once" he explained, "at least I did, but he never quite fully- finished his blow, you know what I mean?" Kurt said, nervously, "Like, it felt- sort of bumpy, and there were some licks here and there, but… that was all."

"Poor Kurtie" Sebastian joked, playing with the collar of Kurt's shirt, "I met your dude, tonight, by the way."

"He's not my dude" Kurt rolled his eyes.

"He's too short" Sebastian simply commented, "and too friendly. And too young to get drunk like that."

Kurt chuckled then. "You're done?"

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at him. "And not very generous. There, now I'm done."

"Not very generous?" Kurt asked, intrigued. "What did he do?"

"Well, he didn't finish the blow job for you. Some nerve..." Sebastian complained, playfully, if only to hear Kurt chuckle again, which he did.

"Yeah, I'm probably better off" Kurt breathed out, "but he's a good guy."

"And you like bad guys now, don't ya?" Sebastian smirked.

Kurt gave him a look of incredulity. "You're not a bad guy."

"Oh, we've come to a final verdict on that?" He asked, just to tease.

"Yes" Kurt chuckled. "You're a jerk, but I guess you mean well."

"Dear God, it's easy to buy you. One blow, and you're all soft on me now" he joked, maliciously.

Kurt slapped his thigh, "Shut up, horse-teeth. Where's your garage?"

"Ouch" Sebastian complained, "he tells me to shut up, he calls me horse-teeth… kids these days" he chuckled, "it's right around the corner, the one with the green sign."

They picked at the other and had a laugh while they parked and made it to Sebastian's apartment. It was nice, Sebastian noticed the tension was finally gone (the blow job had probably helped on that department) and Kurt seemed more comfortable around him now.

The kid was not shy to look around and show himself around his apartment, but it didn't bother Sebastian, because his place was actually not that big. It was a studio, and it was a little messy, with some dishes here and there and some dust on the shelves. But it was _his_ place, and Sebastian felt extremely proud of it. He slept on the sofa, which opened and made for a great bed, actually. And since he wasn't one to have many visitors, it was opened now, and Kurt was appreciating the view of it.

Sebastian came from behind and threw his arms around Kurt's waist. He kissed the boy on the cheek and hid his nose on Kurt's neck.

"You two are already curious about each other, huh. Kurt, meet bed. Bed, meet Kurt" he joked softly, a little too lost on Kurt's embrace right now.

"I can see now why you'd prefer mine" Kurt chuckled.

"Hey, don't be mean to her. She's seen better days, but she's really looking forward to welcoming you."

" _She_?" Kurt asked, amused. "I guess she's used to having at least two, three people playing around here" he commented, somewhat insecurely.

"She doesn't miss those days. And neither do I, to be honest" Sebastian found himself saying, surprised he felt comfortable enough to share that.

Kurt turned around then, to face him, but they didn't lose the embrace. Instead his arms came up now to hold Sebastian's back. "You don't?" He asked, obviously surprised.

Sebastian gave him a sad smile. "Three people is easier said than done... those days were pretty messy. We weren't doing so great before she uh- died, you know."

Kurt nodded, understandingly. "Well, it's great that you and Santana managed to remain friends, then" he pointed out, always the optimistic.

Sebastian couldn't help his smile. He appreciated that Kurt didn't ask or pry any further. Even though he was probably curious.

"Sure" he said, partially amused, because Santana and he were a little bit more complicated than that. "You know what it is _truly_ great, though?" Kurt shook his head, "That you're here" Sebastian said, walking them towards the bed until Kurt's legs hit it. He cupped Kurt's cheeks then. "Kurt, I don't want you to feel embarrassed that you dress for me, think of me, want me, or that you are at my disposal, you hear me?" He kissed Kurt's cheeks vehemently, "I'm at yours as well. And there's nothing wrong with that."

Kurt's eyes tickled, smiley, like he was finally hearing something he could condone.

"Thank you" the boy smiled, "I needed to hear that."

"I know" Sebastian said, "sorry it took me so long to figure it out."

Their mouths collided then and they found themselves in bed, slowly undressing each other. It hit Sebastian how badly he wanted this, how badly he had probably wanted it for a while, just to feel Kurt's body closer and find physical relief for his numbed mind and soiled memories.

And he could feel the shift on Kurt's disposition. He was no longer holding back, his kisses were intense and his hands just wanted to make contact with Sebastian's skin, to squeeze him and feel him close.

Kurt devoured his chest, slowly going from one spot to the next but never losing any intensity. The kid touched him, and stroked him with want, but also with great care, which was just what Sebastian needed.

Sebastian took a second to appreciate the corners and shapes of Kurt's body. It was so white, so soft and yet so firm, that it reminded Sebastian of a white horse he used to ride when he was a kid, with all those muscles naturally marked, and those strong arms that were nothing but gentle. No matter how sweet Kurt was, his body didn't feel fragile in the slightest. It felt like a sacred, safe space. Inviting.

Sebastian adventured to run his fingers along Kurt's butt then, caressing with great caution his crack and stroking his hole just slightly. He wasn't entirely sure what the procedure was here, but he knew he wanted to penetrate Kurt, to be inside him and go to that safe heaven.

He had never played with that body part before, and it felt strangely exciting. Kurt was beneath him, his breathing very uneven, and his skin so flushed that Sebastian felt unexpectedly turned on while stroking his entrance. It was like a teasing that never got old, a whole new level of foreplay Sebastian hadn't experienced before.

"We need to stretch it" Kurt whispered while his hips rocked slightly, looking for Sebastian's own.

"You're sure?" Sebastian couldn't help but ask, because if the roles were reversed, maybe he wouldn't be up for that.

Kurt guided Sebastian's fingers inside, adding some pressure while they resumed the kissing and their bodies engaged on some sort of heavy petting.

Sebastian started to finger Kurt then, one finger at a time, somewhat scared he might hurt Kurt. But Kurt reacted nicely to the pressure, and even seemed to like it, so Sebastian decided to put away all the prejudices and preconceived ideas he might have about gay sex. Soon enough, his erection was killing him. The way Kurt grew deeper between his fingers, asking for more, it was nuts that a human body could stretch like that.

Kurt, panting now heavily, started to cover his neck with kisses again and stroked Sebastian's erection.

"Are you doing okay?" the boy asked, lovingly concerned.

Sebastian didn't hesitate for a moment and attacked Kurt's wet lips. The boy felt so great around him.

"I- uh, got condoms for guys" Sebastian remembered, somewhat nervously. He wasn't sure he had gotten the right kind, "I mean, for gay sex. Are these okay?" He showed Kurt.

"Oh, you got some lube as well?" Kurt asked, timidly.

"Shit. No. Was that important?"

Kurt gave him a side smile, "It'd help, but it's okay, I-I can handle it."

Sebastian felt Kurt's back with his hand. No matter how pretty that view was, he didn't want to fuck Kurt from behind. He wanted to make eye contact with the boy, not just to check on him and make sure he was enjoying the sex, but also to feel him closer, simply.

He met Kurt's eyes with a smile. "I wanna watch you." Besides, something told him Kurt would feel more comfortable like this, face to face. "Here, help me put this on, miss."

Kurt sat up slightly, and Sebastian put some pillows behind him, so that the kid would be comfortable when the action started. The boy came closer and took the condom from his hand.

"You know how to put that on with your mouth?" Sebastian asked, all sort of suggestive imagines running wildly through his mind.

Kurt shook his head slowly, giving him a coy smile. "I can try, if you'd like that."

"I'd _love_ that" Sebastian stroked Kurt's hair, affectionately. He hadn't lied before. He liked bossing around in bed, but he was actually trying the nice, gentle approach with Kurt, which was asking instead of commanding. He had learned something from the pushing-for-a-blow-job incident the other night.

Kurt placed the condom on the tip of Sebastian's cock and started pulling it down with his wet mouth. Being a witness to that only darkened Sebastian's thoughts. No longer capable of restraining himself, he brought his fingers to Kurt's mouth.

"Open up?" He reminded himself to ask, instead of just parting Kurt's lips and fingering his mouth. "You're gonna make for some great lube, you'll see." He prompted Kurt to lick his fingers for a while, which just about made Sebastian lose his mind.

When he wasn't sure he could hold up much longer, Sebastian grabbed Kurt's legs and entangled 'em around his waist. He took his wet fingers, lubed with Kurt's saliva, to Kurt's butt, and gave a final stretch to his hole.

He took Kurt's cock in his hand then and stroked it to take Kurt's mind off the impending penetration, because he could feel the boy getting nervous. Then, when Kurt closed his eyes to enjoy the touch, Sebastian thrust with his cock half way inside the boy, making Kurt whimper. He couldn't thrust deeper because it felt too tight, so he kept massaging Kurt's erection while penetrating him and watched Kurt's reactions. After a few seconds, Kurt's moans told him when to thrust less, when to go bolder, and when to just lose it.

And soon enough, Sebastian did just that. He lost himself on both their moans and breathings. Kurt's breath, in particular, kept falling on his neck and sent all kinds of tickles down his spine, and he rewarded the kid with furtive pecks and soft whispers.

He covered Kurt's almost sacred skin with kisses, almost possessed-like to do something nice for the boy. He wasn't that into sweet sex, but something told him he needed to go easy on Kurt for now.

And quite frankly, he could do slow. He was normally much filthier and kinky in bed. Always in a rush to do new things, to go darker and to reach further into his deepest kinks. For a while, it was almost as if he had forgotten sex could also be quiet and nurturing. Peaceful and intimate. And penetrating Kurt felt like finally losing a hold with reality. Like escaping his surroundings and remembering there were still some sensations that made life worthwhile, like Kurt's skin all squeezed under his hands.

Sebastian came and collapsed all over the boy, his belly warm with Kurt's cum as well. He felt exhausted, like the last two weeks of his life had lead to this very moment, and it was finally consummated. But _God_ , did he want to consummate it again. And again. And again and again.

Sebastian looked for Kurt's face, and regarded the boy, overwhelmed.

"That was- fucking great, petit" he panted, still trying to recover. "Ffffuck- fucking great."

Kurt seemed just as tired, but looked less awed than he had looked in the car, Sebastian noticed. He kissed the boy's clavicles and lifted his weight from him, coming to lay beneath him instead. He felt somewhat colder without the body contact, but maybe Kurt could use some space now, because he looked sort of spaced out.

Then he felt Kurt's head searching for his chest and coming to rest above it, his arms holding Sebastian so his fingers could draw small circles on his abdomen.

"You're too sweet" Sebastian observed, "you really are."

Kurt seemed a little insecure with his hands now. "I'm sorry" the boy apologized, blushing slightly. "I- I guess cuddling is a little over the top, isn't it?" he joked, nervously.

Sebastian frowned, because what kind of nonsense was that? "Don't be silly" he said, then held the boy back and brought him closer. "This is perfect."

Kurt gave him a small smile, but said nothing. He simply rested his head there and resumed caressing Sebastian lovingly, as it was his fashion.

"How are you feeling, though?" Sebastian couldn't help but ask, his hand cupping Kurt's butt with care, all trace of lust gone now. "Are you sore? Did that hurt you?"

Kurt regarded him with slight surprise. "No, of course not" he assured Sebastian, "I mean, it always feels a little bit- you know, tight at first, but- it gets better."

Sebastian pondered his words. "Always? You mean you've only bottomed so far?"

"If by so far you mean the three times I've had sex, then yes" Kurt chuckled.

Sebastian studied him with his eyes. "This generous dude of yours, I take it as he didn't let you top, then?"

"It wasn't like that" Kurt argued, somewhat annoyed, "we tried it once, but it hurt him, or maybe I didn't do it right and-" he explained with embarrassment, "I just I hope didn't scar him for life."

"I just had sex with you, and I can't imagine you doing something without care or even remotely displeasing, Kurt" Sebastian defended, although he wasn't sure why he was getting worked up with his. He felt a little silly. "I mean, I'm sure you didn't hurt him."

"You were worried you might've hurt me just a second ago" Kurt pointed out, "it's not such a crazy thought, is it?"

"Don't smarty-pants me, young man" Sebastian bit his nose. "Anyway, the thing is, if you want to top, I can handle it. I'll educate myself, or you'll teach me, okay?"

"Okay" Kurt agreed after a few seconds, giving him a last smile. "I'm tired now, boo."

"Boo?" Sebastian asked, chuckling. "Dear Lord, I hope that silly nickname is not final" he said, bringing his hand to Kurt's nape to stroke his hair.

Kurt didn't say anything, which Sebastian found odd, so he looked for the kid's eyes but they were closed. He had fallen asleep within seconds. _God I really worn him out_ , he thought, cockily. Then Sebastian regarded the boy's gesture, so freaking quiet while he slept, and put his cockiness aside. He kept on stroking Kurt's hair until he drifted off as well.


	10. Chapter 10

Hiiiiiiiii guys! I'm so sorry that I abandoned this story for soo long. If anyone of you out there keeps reading this, I hope you enjoy it 3

P.s. I don't own Glee or Les Chansons d'amour.

P.s.2. Things are gonna get soo much darker... I'm not sure if I should add some warnings about triggers like abusive relationship, grieving, or something like that. Please let me know what you think, it'd be helpful!

* * *

Sebastian's eyes popped open before he could even process that he was awake. It was a knee-jerk reaction triggered by the feeling of someone's eyes on him. Those eyes turned out to be Kurt's, who quickly looked away, evasively.

But the damage was done and Sebastian was grumpy-awake now. He stared at Kurt, annoyed, until the kid returned it. Kurt smiled very innocently then.

"Hey there" he said, visibly uncomfortable.

"Hey yourself" Sebastian muttered, "why would you do that?"

Kurt seemed lost. "Do what?"

"Wake me up like that, staring at me" Sebastian yawned. He tried to stretch his muscles then, but he bumped into Kurt's… body. He realized he was all over the kid, trapping him against the mattress.

"Oh, sorry" Kurt cast him a regretful smile, "I- I didn't know what to do. I've needed to use the bathroom for hours, but if I moved I was afraid I'd wake you, which is kind of ironic since I woke you up anyway" he smiled awkwardly.

Sebastian couldn't help his morning mood. "Mph- the fuck you're talking about? You need my permission to use the bathroom? Just go, Kurt. What are you, five?"

Kurt's eyes got wide with hurt, then with anger. "Excuse _me_ " he pushed Sebastian away not very gently, finally liberating himself from all that weight. "I was waiting for you to move aside and stop trapping me!"

"There" Sebastian smirked as Kurt got up, and stretched his arms so he could finally have the bed for himself. "That wasn't so hard, was it? Roll me down, push me away, and you're good to go."

"I wouldn't have to do any of those if you just slept like a normal person!" Kurt complained, arms folded covering his chest. Somehow he had managed to put on some underwear already, which only made Sebastian snort. " _Oh_ , and you watch that mood with me!" The kid threatened, giving him a cold look, "You may get your way in bed, but that's all. I'm not taking more shit than necessary with you" he shouted, then slammed the door of the bathroom.

The slam echoed through out Sebastian's head, first making him even more annoyed, then partially amused. Part of him didn't want any of the drama, but there was this other _huge_ part of him that _lived_ for these things. Fighting, making up, making love, then fighting all over again. Shaking things up. It was his kind of dynamic. And he had missed that.

He got up, reluctantly, and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Go away" Kurt's voice sounded pretty shrill, even though there was a door between them.

"Well, this is awkward, but this is actually my place. So if you want me to go away, then you're gonna have to go away yourself, kid" he said, trying to keep his tone playful.

"Great. Just when I thought you couldn't get any pettier, you're kicking me out" Kurt argued.

"I'm not kicking you out" Sebastian protested, "I just need to pee. You can lock yourself back in right after I'm done" he joked.

He was about to knock again, more insistently this time, when he heard the lock and Kurt raged towards the bed, looking for his clothes, without even looking at him.

Sebastian folded his arms and leaned on the door frame, pondering the situation.

"All right" he breathed out, "Kurt, we're past the point of being cute strangers in the morning, so it was about time you learned that I wake up in a mood."

Kurt shot him a cold glare and put on his shirt. "Is that supposed to be an apology?"

"No, I'm not apologizing" Sebastian bit back, arrogantly, "I'm saying I am human, and I wake up in a mood. Get over it."

"I don't need to get over anything" Kurt mumbled, annoyed, not even looking at him. "You get over your gigantic ego."

Sebastian took a few steps in his direction, curious to check how long Kurt's attitude would hold up if he got in the way.

"You get over your tantrums" Sebastian said, standing right in front of the kid. "I'm not having any of them. Not this early, and not even after I've had my coffee."

Kurt seemed somewhat more uncomfortable now that Sebastian was so close, naked, but he looked still pretty pissed.

"Well, I'm not having any of your awful manners, your- your mood swifts and your concerning disregard of people's feelings" Kurt said, much less fierce but still determined.

Sebastian regarded the boy. He truly had no idea what to do with him. He didn't do scenes, but when he did, it ended up in sex. It was the only way it could be even remotely worthwhile. But right now, mainly, he just wanted to fight back, for the sake of fighting, which was… awfully childish.

" _My_ concerning disregard?" Sebastian asked, astonished. "Let's recap here, because only in the two weeks we've known each other, you've already called me asshole, childish, cold, jerk- Oh, and I don't remember you ever apologizing. Ever" he defended.

Kurt's semblance showed struggle now. He knew Sebastian had a point. And Sebastian could only observe him, somewhat frozen. This was _not_ how things were supposed to go.

He might miss Julie, but he realized it was not the crazy-drama dynamic what he was seeking in Kurt. He had only wanted good, nice things from the start. But how could he do 'nice' when all he had known was 'crazy'?

"I never realized that might upset you" Kurt suddenly said, his eyes finally softened. He sat down in bed, looking regretful. "I'm sorry" he said carefully, "I didn't want to hurt you."

Sebastian sighed, his chest finally decompressing. He sat down next to Kurt and stroked his back, "You didn't. You were just defending yourself, it's only fair." Kurt studied him with those big, blue, innocent eyes of him. "I'm just harsh by nature, but I'll try to be nicer, okay?"

Kurt gave him an insecure smile and nodded, but kept silent.

No, it was definitely not drama what Sebastian wanted from Kurt. Yet his own harsh nature kept getting in the way. Should he feel guilty that he kept upsetting the kid? _Hell no_. Kurt had some nerve himself and fought back every time, which was a relief.

Sebastian let his fingers find his way up Kurt's spine, reaching the nape and combing through his thin hair. _Yeah_ , Kurt could handle it, couldn't he? Why else would the kid put himself in this fucked up situation, if not because he did live for these things as well? Kurt might not not know it yet, but he obviously did. Maybe not in the same way Julie and he did, but-

Sebastian shook the thought off. _Not Julie, not now_ , he said to himself, filled with some kind of reject he was trying really hard to avoid. Reject towards the memory of Julie. Now, _that_ was fucked up.

Kurt leaned back, his head somewhat following the movement of Sebastian's fingers. It made Sebastian feel so empowered, so very in control. Drunk with power. He had known it from the start, of course he had, but for some reason, right now, having Kurt all submitted and resentful after the fight made Sebastian realize he could do about anything he wanted to the kid, and the kid would not put up much resistance. Kurt might like the fighting, but he might like submitting even more. That gave Sebastian a sickening kind of power, yet he felt almost compelled to exercise it.

He got up, though, startled by the realization. "I'm gonna hit the shower" he mumbled and went for the bathroom, "you can either stay or leave."

He closed the door behind him. Still, he was a human being. He had never been the nicest kind, but he had never been this drunk with power. Just thinking about it made him hard and, in a way, made him feel more like himself. His breath got caught on his throat as his hand found the way to his cock, just too easily. His whole body tickled with anticipation as he noticed his cock was so eager to be touched. The skin so sensitive and fucking awake.

He used to be horny all the time, Santana was not wrong. But this was a different kind of horny. It was almost desperate, almost as if that was all the hold of reality he had left. Almost as if-

A knock on the door startled him.

/

" _I'm gonna hit the shower" Sebastian mumbled and went for the bathroom, "you can either stay or leave."_

Kurt watched after him as the man didn't even spare him a look and locked himself in the bathroom. He felt confused as fuck, and could not think of anything other than to let himself tumble down in bed.

So Sebastian woke up in a mood. In a way, it was nice that Kurt had been able to stick around long enough to learn that. There was some domesticity to it, if you wanted to find some silver lining. And he desperately needed to. Otherwise he wanted just about to scream, because what a fucking asshole Sebastian was.

Kurt felt stupid. Betrayed by his own expectations. Reality sucked so much lately, compared to his fantasies. And he needed to stop fantasizing! _God_ , he knew. Every time Sebastian let this dark side of him show it was like a slap in the face for Kurt. _Is it really a side of him,_ he wondered, _or are those his true colors?_

 _People get all kind of fucked up in bed_ , Sebastian had told him. _Well_ , Kurt thought, _and not only in bed_. But Sebastian had a point, he guessed. Was this was intimacy was about? Kurt had no clue, being kind of inexperienced. Because, honestly? The few months he had been dating Blaine, it was like they counted for nothing when it came to Sebastian. Kurt felt as newbie as he had ever been. As clueless. As childish. As green. As innocent.

Well, maybe not _so innocent_ anymore. For, to make it all worse, he was somewhat hard right now. How fucked up that was? Fighting with Sebastian made him both incredibly sad and hard. He had given up so easily just now… And it wasn't only because he was dying to make up and make nice with him. There was something of a deeper range going on there, and it scared Kurt. This… _active choice_ _to satisfy Sebastian_. It was so confusing. Most of the time Kurt wasn't even sure he wanted half of the things they did, but he just couldn't stop himself from doing them. It was… again, so confusing.

He got up. He was leaving, _yes_ , he was. He needed to clear his head. To collect his thoughts. To be the rational and responsible person he had always been. One did not just stop being himself from one day to another. Not him. Not because of some guy.

 _Not just some guy, though…_ Kurt thought he would at least say goodbye and make sure they were leaving things on good terms. And also, _maybe_ , and just maybe, check on Sebastian. He had stormed out so abruptly. Was he okay?

Kurt knocked on the bathroom door, seeing as he could not hear any water running.

"What" Sebastian grumbled, behind the door.

Kurt felt his anger rose up again, but told himself to relax. "I'm leaving. Just thought I'd let you know" he said, cautiously.

But his caution was met with silence, which replaced his anger with awkwardness.

"Are you okay?" he just _could not_ stop himself from asking. _Dammit_.

"I'm perfectly fine, Kurt" Sebastian grumbled once more.

Kurt sighed, resting his forehead on the door. _Like hell you are_ , he thought, but knew, this time, he had to let it be.

"Kurt" it came out somewhat broke through the door, somewhat breathless.

"Yeah?" Kurt rushed to answer, kind of worried.

There was a pause before Sebastian spoke.

"I'm touching myself" the man simply said, no trace of arrogance on his voice. Just Sebastian.

"Oh" Kurt made, feeling dumb enough and freaking thrown off. _What-…_

"I'm just curious, Kurt" Sebastian continued, "did by any chance, any of the fighting that happened just now… turn you on?"

Kurt's throat felt really tight all of a sudden, and his saliva too thick to be even swallowed. _What was he-_ I mean, Sebastian could not possibly know… His heart started beating way too fast, and he felt really embarrassed all of a sudden.

"I'll take that as a yes" Sebastian simply said, and this time there was indeed a lot of arrogance going on his voice, which made Kurt incredibly aware of his own cock once again.

A few seconds passed, and Kurt felt completely frozen. His feet were stuck on the floor, almost glued to it, and he was hardly holding his weight, one hand on the wall.

"Are you touching yourself too?" Sebastian breathed out.

"No!" Kurt rushed to deny, all flustered.

Sebastian chuckled, sort of breathlessly, "Why not? No one's watching you."

"I- um-" Kurt babbled, confused. Did he want to touch himself? Of course he did! Did it feel entirely wrong? Well, obviously!

"Let me give you some directions, then" Sebastian offered, "or some orders, as you please" he said, cockily, "'cause we both know you're not gonna disobey me, are you?"

Kurt felt a wave of heat taking control over his body. Suddenly his pants felt too tight, and so did his shirt. His own skin felt awfully uncomfortable, as if it was imprisoning him somehow. He was so hard it was hard to breathe.

"I'm not" he managed to admit, utterly embarrassed, but also… allured.

"Good boy" Sebastian said with a coarse voice, Kurt's favorite kind. "Unzip your pants, petit."

Kurt didn't even hesitate to do as told. It alarmed him how fast he complied.

"Cup your harness" Sebastian demanded, "and stroke… does it feel good?"

Kurt could not bring himself to reply, really. It was bad enough that he was indulging Sebastian (and himself) with all the touching.

"I can't hear you, Kurt" Sebastian warned him, "and if I can't hear you, I might have to go check myself that you're following my orders-..."

"It feels good, okay?" Kurt interrupted him, scared for no reason.

Sebastian sensed it and chuckled. "Would it really be so bad if I did go? We had sex only last night, sweetheart."

"I know" Kurt was irritated now. "But you don't deserve to see me right now" he honestly said, which made him feel kind of proud.

"That's… got to be true" Sebastian conceded. "Keep stroking, then. Underneath your boxes now, if you're bold enough."

Kurt scoffed, but obeyed anyway. Although, it did not feel like he was just obeying Sebastian blindly. He wanted to touch himself. He was enjoying it. Right now, it felt pretty simple.

"Forget about me" Sebastian said, as if he could read his thoughts, "just feel yourself, don't you feel great? I know you do, I know it good" he breathed out, "pump harder."

Kurt was not usually one to get too lost on touching himself, not to "pump harder". To be honest, he had never quite been curious enough to do it. Horny enough to do it. But Sebastian… Sebastian made him feel like there was more to sex than he had ever imagined. That it could actually be rather enjoyable, rather than a scary, eventual thing. Sebastian made sex seem so present. So natural, even, in a twisted kind of way. And Kurt was finally _enjoying_ it. More so than last night. More so than he had ever done with Blaine.

His knees suddenly went weak, making him fall forward, and thank God he still had one hand on the wall. All he could take notice then was how freaking good he felt. He, Kurt Hummel, felt freaking great on his hand. His body felt amazing. Who would've known his skin could feel that great? It was a really weird pump to his self-esteem.

"I loved sucking you off, Kurt" Sebastian blurted out, "I can't wait to do it again."

That really pushed Kurt over the edge. It wasn't only him who thought he felt great, it was also Sebastian. What kind of emotions these were? He had never thought he had an ego that could be fed in this way.

He whimpered, and moaned kind of loud, letting all the cum run all over his boxers, remembering Sebastian's lips on his balls last night on the car. He felt so… disoriented, all of a sudden.

The door opened before him, letting a flushed and sweaty Sebastian out. He was staring right at Kurt, with hunger, and he was still pumping his erection, absolutely determined. Kurt almost crashed into him, being so close to the door.

"On your knees" Sebastian commanded, and seeing as Kurt was still panting on the wall, he added "I'm glad you came, Kurt, but don't be selfish."

Kurt regarded him a bit perplexed. Sebastian looked so hot before him. So unquestionable. So freaking dominant… It'd be his doom.

Almost unaware, Kurt knelt down and took Sebastian's hardness with his hands, which were still wet and sticky with his own cum. He gave Sebastian one last look: it was as if Sebastian was not even seeing him anymore. The resolution behind the man's eyes was almost cold, and full-on selfish. Greedy. Kurt reckoned they both knew that right then, and still came forwards in what might seem an out of habit movement, and took Sebastian's cock with his mouth. Only, it was definitely not out of habit, but pure submission.

Sebastian pulled his hair and pushed him slightly further towards his crotch, just not harshly enough to make Kurt feel uncomfortable, but a close second. Kurt kept going, though, a mix of emotions going on with him that he could not quite decipher. It all translated as overwhelm. The kind of overwhelm that leaves you somewhat numb. He felt awkward and reluctant, but also intrigued and excited. _Dear Lord_ , what was going on with him?!

Quite thankfully, it did not take Sebastian much longer to come, and pushing Kurt back as a warning, the boy came all over Kurt's shirt, panting heavily. Still having Sebastian's cock in his hand, Kurt was suddenly overcome with a rather intoxicating feeling of victory and pride. The fuck if he knew what was going on with his head.

"That was awesome" Sebastian managed to articulate between breaths, his hold on Kurt's shoulders still firm.

Kurt contemplated the selfish man before him. He couldn't see the moment to go home and cry.


	11. Chapter 11

Hi again! I'm between jobs at the moment, and I don't think I'll ever have this much time to write again, sadly u.u so here's another chapter while I can provide them! Not a lot of Kurtbastian going on in this chapter and the next one, but plenty afterwards :3

P.s. I don't own Glee or Les chansons d'amour.

* * *

"Can I take this seat?"

Kurt looked up to meet Quinn's eyes. The cafeteria was less noisy than usual, as most of the students were in the halls, running through the stands of the Career Fair. He could _not_ be less interested, though. Four years he had been at McKinley's, and you'd think they'd improve their fairs or something, but such was not the case. Every year was a lamer repetition of the year before, and he did not need any more stands or pamphlets to know his thing was fashion.

He nodded and made place for Quinn. None of them would normally eat inside, as it got very crowded, but with the rain and the fair, the cafeteria suddenly made for a pretty pleasant choice.

"I guess you're aware of how miserable you look, so I won't comment on that" the blonde said, which only made Kurt snorted bitterly, because she had just done that. "So let me ask instead… how was your weekend?"

Kurt shot her a pointed look.

"Kurt, you need to talk to someone, and seeing as you can only discuss this with me or Finn, I'd suggest you take your chances" she reasoned, then took a bite from a very sad carrot.

Kurt observed her. Only a few days ago, he would've considered Quinn the right (and maybe the only) person to talk to. She was more mature than the rest of the seniors, had endured more, and yet Kurt did not think anyone his age could have possibly experienced all the confusion and contradictions he was feeling because of Sebastian. It was not a silly, exciting crush anymore. It was all kinds of fucked up.

"I really can't, Quinn" he simply said, resigned. "Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could possibly conceal any of this in words, nor could anyone understand it."

Quinn bluntly snorted, which stringed a chord in Kurt. "You honestly think you're the first person to go through pain, Kurt? Confusion? Drama?"

"It's not that simple!" Kurt protested, aggravated. His shrillness caught the attention of the few peers sitting by the tables next to them, which reminded Kurt to calm down a bit. "Really, it's not. I've never, _ever_ , been this confused in my entire life. Ever."

"Let's take a walk down the stands, Kurt" the blonde simply suggested, not affected in the slightest. She got up and made him a gesture, a gesture that said 'don't-fight-me-on-this'.

Reluctantly, Kurt got up and intertwined his arm with hers. No matter how much time he got to spend with Quinn over these years, whenever they walked together arm on arm down the halls, he couldn't help but feel sort of nervous that someone would look at them and think: _What the hell is_ _Fabray_ _doing with_ _that fagot_ _?_

But things were not that bad anymore. People did not pick at him that much since he was a senior. And also… well, Quinn was not the popular girl she used to be. Which seemed to be fine with her, finally.

"You think I could not possibly understand how you're feeling because I've only had sex once, right?" The girl suddenly prompted, taking Kurt aback.

"What- No! I've never said that" he defended.

"But you think so. You think you're the only one who finds sex confusing?" She asked, no malice, but pure inquisition on her eyes.

They were walking right by a group of sophomores, and there was a silence as Quinn made way for herself, all of them staring at her like lost puppies. Not because they had heard a word she said, but simply because the blonde was as pretty as ever.

"So what? You feel used? Disregarded? Objectified?" She kept asking, then stopped right on her tracks and shot the sophomores a cold glare. "Jeez. I've got no idea how that must feel like" she rolled her eyes.

Kurt looked at the sophomores again. This time, more carefully. He had always noticed the way people looked at Quinn, of course he had. But Kurt had always found it pretty stupid, and harmless. Like a boring dynamic that only fed her ego without further casualties. But now he looked harder. And he was shocked to find lust on some of the sophomores' eyes. Not even hidden, disgusting lust. His stomach twirled.

"I'm sorry-" he found himself saying, but had no time to further elaborate because now there were a couple of seniors just bluntly making obscene gestures between them as they checked out Quinn from head to toes. This time it angered him. Badly. "Those bastards!"

Quinn took a firm grip on his arm, asking him to stay right where he was and not to lose his temper. All of that with a grip and a look.

"And yeah" she continued and resumed their walking, "I only had sex once. But sex is not just the act, the- penetration, to be precise. Everything that led to that moment, and everything that followed… God, sometimes you'd think everything in this life is about sex" she sighed.

"Except sex" Kurt smiled sadly, "Woody Allen said that. Not that he's the best example."

"Let's focus on everything that followed my big moment" she smiled back, sarcastically. "You think that- even if I managed to find some enjoyment during _it_ , the aftermaths wouldn't have tainted the memory for me forever?"

"Quinn..." Kurt breathed out, shaken. He had never seen this side of her. He felt so simple-minded. "That's… that must have been terrible."

"As if being a catholic wasn't enough, I not only had to deal with my own prejudices towards the act itself, but I've also been slut-shamed for it ever since. And what makes it worse is… I'm not even sure I liked it, Kurt" she said, her voice quite shaky now, quite blunt but scared. "It was painful, and awkward, and freaking dishonest, but somewhere along the- the interactions, the kisses, I… I enjoyed some of it. I thought: of course, it's pure physics, pure biology. Only human."

Kurt regarded her astonished, unsure of what to say. He had never given a thought or two to Quinn's story, to Quinn's one time. Suddenly he got the feeling she felt terribly lonely.

"But that's just it: I just _think_ , I _suppose_ I might've liked it" she paused, tiredly. "How could I know for sure? How could anyone, when there was so much more going on? How could I even be 100% sure that I really wanted it? What if… what if it got nothing to do with that? Nothing to do with biology? What if… it just got to do with self-esteem?"

Something broke inside Kurt when the blonde articulated that last sentence.

"I was such a kid, Kurt. I still am. But I had zero self-esteem. Zero" she emphasized. "So did I like it because it gave me physical pleasure, or did I like it because it made me feel wanted? Acknowledged?" She asked him, and for a moment there Kurt wondered if she actually wanted him to answer the question. "Does it matter, though?" She asked now, rhetorically, with a hint of bitterness on her tone. "I don't think I'll ever know" Quinn admitted, more to herself than to him. "The thing is sex is confusing, Kurt. So I get it."

Kurt's chest felt heavy. Really heavy. He related to Quinn more than he could have ever imagined.

"Do you think is the same for everybody?" He couldn't stop himself from asking.

Quinn shrugged. "I don't know. Don't think so. Just look at Puck" she gave him a sad smile.

They reached a bench at the end of the corridors, after dozens of stands, and sat down next to each other in silence.

"Thanks for telling me your story, Quinn" Kurt finally said, grabbing the blonde's hand and hiding it between his own. "It's not like- like I can truly get what you've gone through, but some of it… I do."

Quinn nodded, her eyes once wide opened and vibrant now heavy and tired. She rested her head on top of Kurt's shoulder, leaning on him. "Thank you for listening."

/

"What's with those three?" Santana asked as she placed a bowl of popcorn on her lap, cuddling right next to Brittany on the couch. "Could you please turn it up? I can't hear a thing over the Broadway weirdos."

Brittany shrugged, then held on tighter to her girlfriend. It felt _so_ great to be with Brittany again. Nothing has ever felt as good for Santana. Not even her first love, a distant cousin she used to see every summer in Florida. Not even Julie when they first started sneaking on Sebastian, poor clueless fool. Not even when-

"Seriously, doesn't that annoy you?" Santana asked the blonde now, exasperated.

Brittany's little brother was singing his lungs out in what had to be the shrillest rendition of _Rolling in the deep_ she had ever heard. What made it even worse was that his two other friends were shouting just as badly during the chorus, and this was the fourth song they sang on a row. Brittany simply got up and closed the door to the hall.

"There. Nothing's getting in the way of our Sanny-Brinny time now!" She grinned like a little kid.

Santana made a face. "Are they trying to kill someone or what?"

Brittany sighed. "No, I think they all just have their period" she chuckled. "It happens every so often."

"Including your brother?" Santana arched an eyebrow, amused.

"Specially him. Kurt's got two go-to songs: one's for heartaches and one's for diva time."

"And the one he's freaking yelling right now is…?"

"Can't you guess?" Brittany giggled. "Heartache, of course."

"What about the other two?" Santana asked, out of curiosity, "Are they a thing…?"

But Brittany was giving her a 'watch-it' look. Santana took a mouthful of popcorn, trying to appear uninterested and casual, but it might be too late. In fact, Brittany had caught her eye-fucking Quinn's features earlier in the kitchen, and it had taken about a dozen of kisses to calm her girlfriend down.

Santana had been unable to control herself, though. Quinn ought to be one of the most beautiful women she had ever met. The petite brunette that accompanied her was not that bad either, although she looked absolutely exhausting.

Brittany scoffed, dignified. "Okay, here's an idea: why don't you just join them?!"

Santana had to chuckle. "Brit, hun, don't be like that" she said, coming closer to kiss the blonde on the neck. Brittany shivered underneath her.

"I mean, aren't you curious?" Santana smirked. "I'm sure the blonde's got to at least play for both teams."

Brittany got somewhat serious then. "Why do you wanna know? You're with me, in case you've forgotten!" She defended. "I don't care how fun and generous Sebastian is- I'm simply not sharing you with anybody" she stated, her lip almost trembling while doing so. "I don't know how else to put it."

Santana was taken aback by the blonde's display of insecurity and possessiveness. Sometimes Brit made her regret ever telling her about the whole Sebastian-Julie ordeal. She was getting tired of justifying herself.

She stroked her girlfriend's cheek, though. "And I don't know how else to tell you is only you I need right now. You get that? Only you who makes me feel good."

Brittany nodded, somewhat unsure, and Santana sighed. It was like trying to reason with a little kid. Still, Santana was being quite honest: she _needed_ Brittany right now. The only thing helping her through all the grief was the blonde's enormous heart, and she wasn't about to let that go.

"I think Quinn might be an unicorn too" Brittany conceded, probably trying to light the air. "We can go bother them a little, would you like that?" She side smiled, childishly.

"No, I wanna be with you right now" Santana said, sincerely, and searched for the other girl's lips. If only her kisses weren't so sweet… So careful, so sincere. Santana doubted anyone had ever kissed her with so much honesty.

The door suddenly opened and Brittany's _freaking_ little brother came in carelessly, followed by the two girls into the kitchen. They didn't even spare them a look, nor feel remorse for interrupting them.

"For Christ's Sake..." Santana coursed, annoyed.

That caught Quinn's attention, who startled and mumbled a "sorry" and "Kurt, we should go".

Brittany was far from aggravated. She sat at the edge of the couch and regarded them excitedly. "Hey guys, were you rehearsing a number for Nationals?"

The little brunette snorted. "I wish. God help us we might sing anything other than Journey for the competition."

Kurt gave her an exasperated look. "At least you're getting your solo, as usual."

"Uh oh. Do I sense some tension?" Santana couldn't help but observe.

Kurt locked eyes with her then. The kid looked terrified, as if her sole presence scared him. Santana had noticed this earlier, but lately it seemed to have only gotten worse. She dammed herself – the last thing she wanted was to be on bad terms with anyone on Brit's close circle.

"It's called envy" the brunette diva told her, giving her a full-on annoying grin.

Santana winced. "It's called being an attention-whore."

Quinn and Kurt snorted and almost let out a chuckle, but the sound didn't go unnoticed by the annoying brunette.

"San" Brittany told her off, "what did I say about insulting strangers?" The blonde patronized her, making her feel like the little kid now. "Apologize to Rachel."

Santana gave her girlfriend a fake smile. "My sincere apologies, girl I don't give a crap about."

"Wow" Quinn said kind of lowly, then grabbed Rachel by the arm and took her to the kitchen before the brunette could get more upset.

Santana was about to chuckle when she got a glimpse of Kurt's uncomfortable gesture. Dammit. She should be nice to him, and _his friends_. Dammit.

"So Kurt" she got up and stretched, following them to the kitchen, which was barely separated from the living room by a wooden bar. "What matters of the heart are you pining about?" She asked, casually, sitting on a stool before him. The boy almost jumped. "Why don't you tell Auntie Snixx? Let the third Mexican eye show you the truth" she pointed at her forehead, getting all ceremonial.

Brittany sat right beside her. "Oh, you should totally tell Santana, Kurt!" She clapped, excited. "She's kind of a psychic, just like me!"

"Just like you?" Kurt frowned at her stepsister. "Brittany, please, the only reason you find places you've never been to in this town is because Lima is ridiculously small."

Santana chuckled, which gained her a pointed look from Brit, but she also needed to gain the kid's favor.

Kurt smiled nervously, though.

"What matters of the heart is she talking about?" Rachel asked Quinn, confused. Kurt gave the blonde an alarmed look, but Quinn smirked. _Oh_ , that smirk. Santana _lived_ for mischievous smirks.

"Yeah, Kurt, why don't you tell Santana, and all of us, those matters that have you aching?" Quinn asked with a malicious tone, malicious enough to show that there was some sort of shared secret between her and Kurt. Some sort of complicity.

"I'm impressed" Santana rubbed her hands together. "Sounds like there's some exciting shit going on for you, Kurtie" she gave him her brightest smile, which only seemed to scare Kurt further. "Come on, Kurtie, just spit it out already."

Kurt looked really pale all of a sudden. And uncertain. He kept looking between his sister and Quinn, all confused, and it looked like he might throw up any minute. Santana frowned.

"All right" Quinn patted his back and took a seat in front of them. "I'll tell them."

Kurt gasped and turned around to face the fridge, visibly anxious.

"Kurt's seeing an older guy" Quinn started, and Kurt gasped again, "well, not that old, I mean, he's a senior in college- but you know, older than him."

Santana nodded, intrigued.

"So..." Quinn looked around, cautiously, then smiled for herself in a way that said 'I like having your attention' and continued, "so this guy is trouble. _The_ definition of trouble. And definitely more than Kurt can take."

"Oh my God. Oh my Barbra" Rachel stated rather dramatically, emphasizing every syllable. "Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, I cannot believe I did not know anything about this. What do you have to say in your defense?" The brunette folded her arms, upset.

Kurt hid his face between his hands. "Just kill me already."

"Wait. Is that all?" Santana asked, confused. "What am I missing here? Why do you look like you're about to die? Did he dump you?" She asked Kurt, directly.

"No!" The boy clarified, as if that was unfathomable. "I mean, we're technically not even dating..." he murmured.

"Not even…?" Santana wondered out loud. "Uhu! So you're just fuckbuddies."

"Oh Good God" Brittany covered her ears in a childish way. "I don't wanna hear it, my little brother has _not_ been stolen her precious flower."

"His" Rachel corrected her, tiredly, as if she could not catch a break.

"You sure?" Brittany asked, playfully.

"I don't think the world is ready for this jelly..." Kurt mumbled, his gaze fixated on the floor.

"It sure is" Santana grinned, cheerily. Good for him! Who would have guessed the effeminate, over-the-top affected little brother would be getting some? Definitely not her. "What I fail to see here is the problem..." She eyed Kurt with all she had, trying to see underneath the nervousness and drama that surrounded him. "He's your first?"

Kurt observed her, somewhat mesmerized, then simply shook his head.

" _Nice_ , Kurtie, real nice" she smiled, "oh trust me, this would be a thousand times worse if he was your first."

"Indeed" Quinn agreed, sheepishly.

"So you're falling for him and you shouldn't. Is that it?" Santana guessed, trying to hide her boredom, because just how basic and simple teenagers were. "You want him to be your boyfriend?"

"God no" Kurt blurted out, even more shaken. Then, as he realized what he had just said, he adopted a poker expression. "I mean. It's hard enough as it is."

Santana frowned. "Why?"

Seeing as Kurt would not answer, Quinn interfered, amicably, "This guy's going through a rough patch, and Kurt's getting caught right in the middle."

Rachel seemed overwhelmed. "Kurt" her voice broke, dramatically. "Is he hurting you in any way?"

Kurt seemed shocked to hear that question. "Of course not. He's just…-"

The look Quinn gave the boy after that statement didn't go unnoticed by Santana. _So he is, he is hurting Kurt._

"He's just selfish" Quinn completed for him.

"Oh, Kurt" Rachel pitied him, treating him like a kicked puppy, "why would you be with someone like that?"

"'Cause we all are selfish" Santana scoffed, dignified. "We are. But just a few of us choose to wear our true colors" she defended, "or what, did he lie to you? Pretend he was kind?"

Kurt's eyes finally stayed on hers, still cautious but now somewhat receptive. Somewhat curious, studying hers. "No" he simply admitted.

"There you go" Santana said, not letting go of his stare. The kid did have mesmerizing eyes, so big and blue. "And you're not gonna stop seeing him, aren't you?" Kurt did not reply, but his stare fixated even more in her, if that was possible. "Of course not. You like it: the fuck ups, the selfishness, the-"

"The dark side" Brittany supplied, giving his brother a rather scared look. "The dark side of the force."

Santana couldn't help but chuckle. Brittany was such a dork. "Yeah, little padawan, he's troubled and you're into that" she told Kurt. "There's nothing wrong with that, lady."

Rachel scoffed at "lady", but Santana couldn't care less. "I'm curious, though" she smirked, "how is he selfish?" She asked Quinn now, "Selfish in bed?"

Much to Santana's displeasure, the blonde high schooler seemed to be quite the prude, because she looked the other way and made a disturbed face. Kurt remained mute.

"He is" Santana had to deduce. "Of course. That's just how men are, babyface" the girl told Kurt, who didn't seem to take any offense at her nicknames. She was glad to see the boy was smart enough to see the fondness behind her words. _I mean_ , maybe 'fondness' was a strong word, but she didn't hate the kid either. "Take Sebastian, the last guy I screwed" she looked at her girlfriend then, but heard a little dead chuckle somewhere over the group of little divas, "oh right, you know him as well, Kurt" she remembered. "That horny motherfucker made me swear off men forever, the insatiable bastard."

Kurt chuckled nervously, all of a sudden, as if this conversation was making him uncomfortable somehow. But soon enough he was joined by her sister, who didn't seem to have the first clue what she was laughing about.

"Well he is!" Santana cleared her throat, somewhat uncertain about all the laughing. "He's needy, and clingy, and high maintenance, and… _God_ " she sighed, " _so_ insecure. You have no idea how exhausting it is to be with someone like that, really."

"So why would you?" Quinn asked, her sharp eyes filled with confusion. "Why would you put up with someone like that?"

Santana sighed. "Hell if I know... I mean-" she ran a hand through her hair, feeling somewhat uncomfortable all of a sudden, "the bastard's a good friend. He's also real, and honest. And good in bed, while we're at it" she admitted.

Quinn didn't seem too convinced with her response, while Kurt seemed to be smiling, for some reason. Perhaps he found Sebastian attractive?

"Don't even think about it, Kurt!" Santana warned the kid. "Your guy's a lamb compared to Sebastian, trust me. Besides, Sebastian's not into guys. So just- don't. Ew" she couldn't help but make a face. Sebastian and she carried out different lives now, thank-you-very-much. The mere thought of having Sebastian back into her sex life made her wanna barf.

"Oh no, God help me" Kurt chuckled awkwardly, "Barbra help me. Gaga help me" he giggled now, cornily. "Ain't got the time for that."

"Sebastian… why does that name ring a bell?" Rachel wondered out loud, then gestured dramatically, "oh, isn't he the guy who played the movie quizz with you, Kurt?"

"The movie what?!" Santana asked, suddenly riled up. Dear Lord, Lima was way too small.

"Oh, no no no" Kurt gestured nervously. "I mean, yeah- he did, he played, but just for like- five minutes. But nothing to worry about, Satan- I mean, Santana" he blushed furiously at his slip, while Santana found it hilarious, "I don't even like him."

"Got your back, baby powder" Santana patted his shoulder, motherly-like. "Don't sweat – I'll have a word with him and he'll stay the fuck away from my favorite couple of siblings."

"Funny – Sebastian said he didn't even like you either" Brittany suddenly mumbled, cheerily. "And here I thought you two would make a lovely couple."

Santana laughed, nervously. Was she out of her mind? _Sebastian_ , had she met Sebastian?

"Popcorn ready!" Kurt opened the microwave before the machine could even beep, then grabbed Quinn's elbow and motioned for them to leave the kitchen.

"Maybe we should invite him over" Brittany kept wondering out loud. "He seems so lonely."

Kurt almost tripped but his pace got friskier. Santana was too distracted by what her girlfriend had just said to comment on his weirdness. She would not have it. He might be her best friend and all, but _God_ , they both needed a much deserved break from one another.

"I thought you wanted me all for yourself, babe" she joked, trying to clear the air. The kids closed the door to the hall behind them and left them alone once again. Finally.

"I do" Brittany grinned, wrapping her arms around Santana's waist. "Mmm. Well, Sebby's getting some, though, so he might be just fine."

Santana arched an eyebrow, amused. "Where did you get that?"

Brittany simply pointed at her own forehead, getting all ceremonial.

Santana chuckled. "He's been texting an awful lot lately. Tinder, if I had to guess."

/

"It's a school night!" Rachel protested, giving both Quinn and him a disapproving look.

"So what?" Quinn scoffed, which was quite unlike her, actually, being this rebellious. "Tomorrow marks the start of our last month of high school. Ever" she emphasized. "We've got no more tests left, no more projects, no more… anything. Hell, we're not even expected to make an effort anymore. All we have to worry about is prom, and graduation, and Nationals. That's it."

"Oh, you make quite some good points, Fabray" Kurt smiled sheepishly.

"But we've got glee club tomorrow!" Rachel kept arguing, "Mister Schuester was counting on me to perform a mash-up of two ballads, and I need to keep my vocal chords safe and nurtured until then!"

"For crying out loud, you can do that assignment in your sleep, Rachel Berry" Kurt tried to appeal to her ego, which was known to be a soft spot. Quinn was not having any of it, though.

"Rachel, this is very simple. Either you get drunk with us, or you go. We don't need any party poopers tonight, and we'll do just fine without you, thank you."

Rachel went mute. Kurt saw her bottom lip get all wrinkled, which was a pretty safe indication that she was really reluctant. But then she surprised them.

"Can I call Finn?"

Quinn sighed. "For Christ's sake."

"Hey!" Rachel protested.

"Of course you can" Kurt intervened. "But you keep him on check. I'm not babysitting anyone tonight."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Fine. What's the super plan, oh you evil plotters?" She asked sarcastically.

"It's pretty simple" Quinn repeated. "We're gonna get slightly drunk, allure Santana and Brittany in, get them more drunk than us, then steal Santana's phone."

Just hearing it again made Kurt feel all kinds of sick with nervousness. Oh Good God. Why had he agreed to this? He reckoned Santana was very capable of killing them without even blinking. This was their worst idea ever.

"Kurt, relax" Quinn said tiredly, since she seemed to see right through him lately. "It's gonna be just fine, I'll distract them, I know they like me."

Rachel made a face. "Um. I'm not doing that."

Quinn frowned. "No one asked you to. You and Finn will make for some wonderful human props. You're gonna love it" she said, maliciously. Kurt understood perfectly what she meant, though. Most of the time, that's how being in glee club felt like.

"That was quite unnecessary" Rachel protested, but let it be. "But if we wanna keep Santana off your hair, Kurt, then I think it should be me the one to steal her phone while she's uh- distracted."

Kurt wanted to die. Why had they told Rachel, again? As if handling Quinn's judgment and Finn's good-for-nothing comments wasn't enough, now he also had to do with Rachel's pity looks. Unfortunately, the little diva wasn't as clueless as her boyfriend, so she had kind of put two and two together after the disastrous convo with Santana in the kitchen.

 _Santana_. Just her mere presence made Kurt wanna flee the country. She was as fierce as Sebastian, but for some merciful reason she seemed to be trying to make nice with him lately, Kurt had noticed. And now he was going to jeopardize that just for what? For Quinn's craziness?

"That's easily the only smart contribution you've ever made" Quinn scratched her chin, thoughtfully. "See, only a few hours without Finn and you seem a capable person once again."

Rachel folded her arms and ignored the blonde, then looked at Kurt instead. "You've got nothing to fear, Kurt" the brunette said, giving him her best 'I'm-on-a-mission-to-succeed' look. And Kurt knew by now those looks were to be taken seriously. "If this whole plan is contingent on my acting skills, then we're bound to win, 'cause they never fail."

Kurt didn't know whether to laugh at that or to gasp a little. Confident Rachel was kind of a thing of beauty. He envied that confidence greatly.

"All right" he gulped down the first of many nods on his throat. "Supplies?" He asked, 'cause it seemed pretty obvious to him that there was a great flaw to their plan: they had no booze.

"That's where Finn will come in handy" Rachel smiled her brightest smile, then took out her phone and started typing.

"I won't argue that" Quinn smirked, looking at him.

"This is gonna be a disaster" Kurt blurted out. "Besides, what do you think we're gonna find in her phone? A map to Sebastian's disturbing head?"

"Obviously not" Quinn said, exasperated. "But I'll do you one better: intel. You've been playing with disadvantage for far too long" the blonde said, gesturing with her hands as if she was some kind of great strategist. "It's time we meet Julie."


	12. Chapter 12

Hi guys! Hope you're enjoying this. Happy reading!

P.s. I don't own Glee or Les chansons d'amour.

* * *

Of course, nothing ever goes as planned. Kurt should have known better than to trust two silly teenage girls. Than to trust Rachel, to be more precise, because their small gathering of four had somehow turned into another glee club nonsense.

 _Don't freak out, it's not that bad_ , he tried to convince himself as Brittany sat on Sam's lap under the glare of a furious Santana who, by the way, was being thoroughly entertained by Quinn and Rachel's silly truth-or-dare game. Finn kept shooting awkward looks to her girlfriend, while Mike put on a little dancing show for everyone, and every so often mumbled something like: "Tina is gonna be so pissed at me when she founds out about this party tomorrow."

Of course, Finn had insisted he would not be the only "guy" at Kurt's, which Kurt had tried really hard not to find insulting and failed, but agreed nonetheless to let the boy bring Sam and Mike. Those two were obviously the safest and less harmful choice out of the whole glee club.

But it'd been one hour already since Santana and Brittany had joined them and he could not see the plan moving forward at all. If anything, he was feeling drunker by the second, and judging by the way they shouted, so were Quinn and Rachel.

What a disastrous scheme.

He went to the living room and opened the balcony, desperately needing some fresh air to come into his senses. _Oh boy_ , that third shot of Tequila had been a risky move.

"Feeling okay, bro?" Sam asked him. The boy was suddenly standing by his side, hands on his pocket and an expression of awkwardness that started to feel like his signature one.

Sam was a really good guy. The blond had joined their group of glee weirdos only last year, but somehow it felt like he had been with them all along. Good natures tended to do that.

Kurt made a face. "Honestly, honestly… not" he chuckled. "I don't really enjoy getting drunk."

"Me neither" the blond remarked.

"Oh, you don't look drunk" Kurt observed.

Sam shrugged. "When people are busy getting wasted they don't really notice whether you drink or not" he smiled, kind of endearingly.

"That's brilliant" Kurt smiled, "God, how I long for the day when getting drunk loses some of this stupid, childish appeal."

Sam laughed amicably. "Man, it happens to the best of us. Besides, you're almost done with high school. It's time to celebrate."

"Yyyyyeah, I guess" Kurt slurred his words, "I mean, I guess I'm more in a 'let's get drunk and forget the world' kind of mood? Not much celebration about it."

"Why? Did something happen?" Sam asked, cautiously.

Kurt dammed himself. What was it about being drunk that made you wanna pour your heart out into any willing ear?

"Okay, this makes no sense" he chuckled, embarrassed, "but I wish there was a certain someone here, that he could see me having a lot of fun and being a happy careless, volatile teenager and… just make him feel a little bit jealous?"

Sam regarded him with curiosity. "Is that certain someone Blaine?"

Kurt made a face. "Good God, no" he winced.

"O-kay" Sam chuckled, sort of confused.

"You don't know him" Kurt clarified, more willing to open up by the second, "I mean, he doesn't go to school. And also... he's twenty-six."

"Holy shit" Sam blurted out, then blushed a little. "Sorry to say it like that, but Kurt, how-? When?"

Kurt cast him a bittersweet smile. "Doesn't sound promising, does it?" He joked. "One could say I lost it, Sam. I honestly have no idea what I was thinking."

Sam seemed pretty uncertain, like he didn't quite know what to say. Kurt couldn't blame him, so he just kept talking.

"You know, this whole thing tonight is supposed to be some great scheme to find out more about him, one of Quinn's genius ideas" he complained, childishly. "Which reminds me, I need another drink."

"No no" Sam stopped him, "let me know how I can help. If you guys have a plan, and it's gonna make you feel better, then count me in" he offered, his arm on Kurt's and eyes kindest as ever.

Kurt's stomach twirled funnily. Sam was so attractive. And so nice. It was no wonder he had developed an embarrassing crush on him on the very first day of glee club, then witnessed Blaine do as much himself.

"That's so sweet, Sam!" Kurt couldn't help himself but hug the boy, who felt a little tense during the brief squeeze. "You'd be great arm candy… if he was here, though" he scratched his nape, feeling kind of awkward after the hug.

"Hey, what are social networks for?" Sam grinned, cheekily.

Kurt hesitated. "I only have him on WhatsApp…"

"Let's get you a noteworthy profile pic, then. Here, give me your phone."

Kurt handed his phone somewhat dubiously, kind of amazed by the wonders of night and booze. This ought to be the longest conversation he had ever had with Sam, also the first time they had hugged, and yet alcohol made it all seem so out of habit – luckily.

Sam turned on the selfie camera and, much to Kurt's almost fainting, the boy kissed him on the cheek before pressing the button. They went silent as they checked the picture together.

"Mmm" Sam finally made, "not bad, but you should smile or something. Give some flirty eyes or grab my shoulder a little" he suggested, so freaking casually Kurt almost gasped a little.

"Sure, yeah" he smiled nervously, trying to remain unaltered. "I can do that."

Channeling an inner strength he did not recognize as his own, Kurt managed to smile and act all silly flirty for the camera. They snapped a couple of pictures for certainty.

"This one is pretty dope" Sam showed him, smiling all goofy like. "There. New profile pic. Mischief managed."

Kurt regarded the blond, a little bit moved. It was really silly, the silliest thing what they had just done, but it made him feel all wanted and fortunate that he had a friend in Sam. Also flattered and smitten (he wasn't fooling anyone) but mostly all happy right now.

"Thank you, Sam" he said sincerely. He could not care less about Sebastian's reaction right now. He had friends! _Male_ friends who took selfies with him and didn't find him annoying. "Now I do wanna celebrate" he grinned.

 _Two shots later…_

"… so I'm not saying that we all are bi, but I'm also kind of not unsaying it, 'cause when you live in a close-minded society like this one…" Santana slurred her words as a mesmerized Rachel and Brittany, and an unimpressed Quinn, all gathered around her to witness her pearl of wisdom.

Kurt found kind of funny that drunk Santana was either a trainwreck or a philosopher. The way Quinn disagreed almost on principle with anything the Latina girl said, but none of the two seemed to care too much about it, made it seem like the two girls had known each other forever. They were like an old married couple who fought for sport and enjoyed being grumpy with each other.

Kurt did not want to be around Santana too much, though. It was still pretty epic that her sister and she had agreed to join them and, what was even more outstanding, they appeared to be having the time of their lives. As if they were some eternal teenagers themselves, trapped in a twenty-five year old body. He took Quinn aside, reluctantly, with some excuse about fixing his hair.

"How is it going?" He asked her, nervously.

"How's _what_ going?" The blonde asked, sight all unfocused and standing position severely shaken.

"Oh my sweet Gaga" Kurt sighed, anxiously. "The plan, you idiot!"

Quinn managed to put herself together just enough to give Kurt her coldest glare. "I'm working on it, you hysterical man. You need to trust the process."

Kurt leaned on the wall, the booze making him all dizzy and paranoid. "This is gonna be the end of everything. Everything!"

"Would you calm down?" Quinn shushed him, annoyed. "Don't go all dramatic on me, Kurt. If all comes to nothing, we're still gaining the trust of your beau's best friend, so relax and make an effort to be around her for more than three minutes."

"I can't" Kurt shook his head, feeling nauseous, "she's too scary, too scary."

"She _loves_ you" Quinn rolled her eyes. "Why else would she be here? She's desperate to get on your good side."

"No, she's not" Kurt refused to get out of his denial. "She's just a drunk and has the hots for you."

"Also true" Quinn rolled her eyes, as if that was absolutely obvious, "but that's besides the point. She's not that bad when you get past the yelling. She's kind of fun, actually."

"Oh, you're losing it too!" Kurt couldn't help but shout, gaining a scolding look from the blonde.

"Listen to me, you're gonna go in there with me, sit by my side, and be your nicest self, 'cause your stupidity depends on it."

"-mphf, fine!" Kurt mumbled, and let himself be dragged by the girl, mostly because he suddenly felt really weak to fight. Any moment closer to lose the little conscience he had left.

Next thing he knew, he was doing exactly that: sitting right by Quinn's side, between her and Santana, and all eyes were on him all of a sudden.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"I was saying is your tu-urrrrn, Kurt" Rachel hiccupped, "truth or dare?"

"Oh boy, this is worst than spinning the bottle" he lamented. The situation seemed to be so out of his control by now. "Truth?"

"Wussy" Brittany stuck the tongue at him, then threw him a kiss to make up for it.

"Interesting" Santana put her hands together, giving him a smile that promised no good. "All right, all right, let me have this one- Kurtie, how many times you've had sex?"

Kurt rolled his eyes, somewhat annoyed. The girl reminded him of Sebastian a bit too much sometimes. "Three and a half."

There was a general laughter after that, which made him blush a bit.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mike asked, confused.

"Someone must have a really tiny thing if you can't tell for sure whether he used it" Santana laughed loudly.

"Who said I wasn't the one topping?" Kurt couldn't help but bit back, a sudden fierceness filling his chest.

"Uhhhh" Finn made at his comeback, which was silly, but made Kurt feel like he was some sort of badass.

His victory didn't last, though, because Santana's smirk only got bigger, giving Kurt once again the impression of impeding doom.

"That puts you in a very awkward position, hun. Should we concur is _your_ tinything the one that's good for nothing?"

Kurt blushed a little bit more, if that was possible, considering the permanent heat that had settled on his cheeks since his third tequila, but the fierceness hasn't abandoned him yet.

"Au contraire" he chuckled, knowingly. "My only problem is I'm too much to handle, if you know what I mean."

Santana laughed again and all of his friends gave him a shocked look, but Kurt couldn't care less. So what? Wasn't he allowed to be a bit cocky now and then? Didn't they know people like Sebastian and Santana gave you no choice but to eat or be eaten? No, they probably didn't know.

"Is your new guy handling you just fine, baby powder?" Santana asked, not actual malice this time. Just being herself, Kurt imagined.

"Yes. He handles me just fine" he stated rather sharply, but he couldn't help himself. The way Santana badmouthed Sebastian, and made it seem like she knew all about his sex skills… Well, it made him angry.

"Someone cover my ears!" Brittany shouted, equally amused and displeased. "Stop perverting my little brother!" She told off Santana.

"Oh, someone's been perverting him, that's for sure" Santana chuckled, "but I assure you it has nothing to do with me."

"Santana" Quinn cut in, fortunately for Kurt, "your turn."

"You just can't get enough of me; can't you, preggo?" Santana smirked, "The things I'm learning about your friends tonight, Kurtie. Your high school seems wild" she commented, as if Kurt gave a crap what the girl thought. "Truth. All the truth and nothing but the truth."

"The most selfish thing you've done when in love" Quinn bluntly asked. It seemed pretty obvious to Kurt that the blonde had been holding that one for a while now. Perhaps since the veiled conversation about Sebastian in the kitchen earlier.

Santana's gaze got somewhat darker. Definitely less cheery and carefree. Kurt gulped down. Quinn would definitely pay for his question later.

"Not sure what your game is yet, blondie" Santana confessed, intrigued. "But I'm not scared of myself, unlike others, so I'll just answer. I slept with my best friend's girl, behind his back."

Something twirled inside Kurt, giving him the goosebumps. She had to be talking about Sebastian and Julie. Was she not? But that didn't make any sense. Sebastian was well aware of the situation. I mean, they were are all some sort of power trio, right? Unless… unless Santana and Julie were already fooling around way before that happened.

Brittany squeezed Santana's arm, lovingly. "It's okay, San. They forgive you."

Santana came forwards and kissed her girlfriend gently, then didn't miss a beat to go after her next prey.

"Quinn" she commanded, "your turn now."

"It's hardly my turn, I was just asked not five minute-"

"Your turn, blondie" Santana interrupted her, her eyes alive with intrigue. "This is gonna be a fun one."

Quinn studied her with caution, then finished up the rest of her drink in one sip. "Dare."

"Well, actions speak louder than words" Santana narrowed her eyes at her, maliciously. "I dare you to kiss Brittany."

A big silence followed that. Kurt looked at his friend. She didn't have to do anything Santana told her to. She knew that, right? Who did Santana think she was, bossing people around like that? It was _awfully_ familiar.

What seemed even more familiar, was the way Quinn reacted. As if being dared like that made it unfathomable for her to back down. Kurt knew that feeling. He knew it all too well. Quinn crawled towards Brittany, who looked sincerely cheery and entertained, as if she was as much a witness as a participant.

"I'm done with this" Kurt got up, somewhat regained and upset. Who did these alleged adults think they were? What made them so entitled to go and mess up with teenagers' lives? Suddenly it wasn't Santana he was mad at anymore.

He got in the toilet and locked the door behind him. He was done with this, _oh_ , he definitely was. Sebastian didn't even have the nerve to text him after their last encounter. Not even to apologize for being a major asshole to him in the morning, and much less, once again, for pushing for a blowjob. He felt like an idiot, and so, _so_ weak. Why had he refused the first time Sebastian tried to push him? Only to agree just a few days after?

To Sebastian: _u're a gigantic jerk, get lost!_

There. Sent. Kurt sighed, relieved, and sat down on the floor. The floor was so chilly and his cheeks burnt so much, he found himself laying down before he could even process it.

He definitely lost track of time, but he didn't think he was falling asleep. The house felt too quiet after what seemed like a while, but he was so comfortable and felt so light now...

He supposed sleep probably took over eventually, because he suddenly startled and woke up to the buzzing of his phone, inside his pocket.

 _What an awful way to wake up_ , he thought to himself while reaching for his phone. It was 5 a.m. and Finn was calling him. Kurt realized his cheek was somewhat glued to the floor and turned around confused. Why was he laying on the toilet floor?

"Finn?" He answered, disoriented.

"Dude, you need to get out of the toilet as silently as you can, and come meet me in the balcony."

That sounded even more disorienting. "What?" He mumbled.

"Dude!" Finn shushed him, "Shut your mouth, Santana's sleeping in your bed with Brittany. You need to carefully open the door to your room, sneak out, and come meet me in the balcony!"

"Jesus. Calm down" Kurt startled, annoyed. "I'll be there in a sec."

As Finn had warned, his bedroom had been took over by the odd couple. Kurt winced and made a mental note to change the sheets asap. On his way through the hall, he saw Sam and Mike laying on some pillows on the floor of Brittany's room, while Quinn and Rachel had taken the bed. They were all severely dozed off.

He found the door to the balcony half opened. There, sitting on the floor with Kurt's laptop opened, was Finn. Kurt frowned. There was a wire hanging from a USB port, and some phone connected to it.

"What are you doing?" He asked, confused.

Finn motioned for him to sit and close the door behind him. Kurt did as much without putting up a fight. It was still dark and they were supposed to leave for school in two hours. And Finn was known to be a sleeper. If he was up, it had to be something big, something important.

"I waited until everyone was sleeping to snatch her phone" the boy said, showing it to Kurt with a triumphant smile. "I played drunk really well, huh?" He grinned, goofily. "Rachel told me about the plan, but she and Quinn were so involved in all that talking, it seemed obvious to me they would compromise the mission" he said, clearly having fun with his thoughts. "There" he said, unplugging said phone. "Everything that could be useful is right here on your computer. You can put the phone back now; it was just lying there on the kitchen bar."

Kurt couldn't help but chuckle, incredulously, as he realized what Finn was talking about. He regarded Santana's phone and held it tighter in his hand, hesitantly.

"What's the matter?" Finn asked. "I didn't see a thing yet, I swear" the boy defended, "I was waiting for you to tell me what to look for."

Kurt's mind got kind of hung up on those words. What was he looking for, again? Something to redeem Sebastian? Or to ditch him for good? Something to simply understand him a bit better?

He looked at his laptop' screen. Endless folders with pictures, videos and even WhatsApp conversations.

He felt a shiver down his spine, and felt suddenly _very_ scared. Freaking scared of what he might find.

/

Sebastian woke up to a really rude text from the kid, and it had been sent in the a.m.

From Kurt: _u're a gigantic jerk, get lost!_

He read it at least five or six times until it sank in. _What the fuck?_ They hadn't talked in four, maybe five days, and now he sent this? What was his problem? Then, as if that text alone wasn't enough, the kid had changed his profile picture, and Sebastian was not enjoying the view of it. There was some blond, handsome teenager, with a nice enough jawline structure, freaking _kissing_ Kurt on the cheek. Like boyfriends did. Again, _what the fuck?!_

He mentally reviewed the last time he saw Kurt, that morning after they had sex. Yeah, it'd been a bit of a rough morning, but they had made up nice enough, hadn't they?

It also had been a relatively quiet week. Things were going slowly back to normal: for three nights in a row, Sebastian had managed to sleep almost six hours straight. That was a huge win for him. Only last night, he had been feeling energetic enough to even hit the gym. Not to speak about work, where he managed to not be a zombie and actually make the deadlines. Santana and he continued their unspoken truce of staying out of each other's lives, and only ever exchanged a few laughs when they grabbed a bite for lunch, just no more than ten, fifteen minutes.

What the fuck was the kid's problem, though? Kurt was supposed to be his nice, easy thing. He had agreed to that, to be there, for whatever Sebastian needed. To be the thing Sebastian could control when nothing else seemed to stay right where it should. To heal him, somehow. Was that too much to ask?

 _Well_ , of course it was. Which was why Sebastian tried not to hover, to lay low during the week for now. Apparently that wasn't working, though.

He still didn't know what to reply. Was Kurt's text supposed to be funny? Was his picture supposed to be provoking? To make him jealous? Hell if he knew, hell if he cared.

He went on about his day just as he had been doing, one step at a time. First, a quick jog around the block. Then, shower. Right after, breakfast, even if he wasn't hungry – because he had been skipping it way too often these past few months. And then, finally, he'd pack another one of Julie's drawers in a box. One box a day was what he had committed himself to do.

He wondered how long he would be able to keep it up with this insanely tidy routine, though. He was just trying to recover himself, to recover his mental health, but one piece of the puzzle could easily tumble down everything. And quite frankly, that key piece could actually be Kurt.

To be honest, his body seemed to be functioning better after sex with the boy. Sebastian was back to masturbating daily again, sticking to his mental promise not to bother Kurt until the weekend. And boy, did it take effort to stick to that promise. Because every time the heat took over him, it was Kurt he saw, Kurt he pictured in all kinds of situations. From dominance to submission, there wasn't a single thing he would not do to Kurt.

It was this need for more, this need to take and _take_ , that kept Sebastian going. The more control he gained over Kurt, the more confident he felt in all the other areas of his life. Sex had always made him feel powerful, but it had suddenly turned into his very only source of power right now. And he wanted to give in to that feeling, because it was another whole level of sorrow. A lusty kind, one that felt not so unbearable. Still sorrow, _yes_ , but definitely better than the grief and pain he was feeling before.

So naturally, even if Sebastian hadn't figured out all the whys yet, Kurt needed to remain a sure thing. He just needed to. There was no questioning that, and as hours went by and Sebastian didn't hear again from the boy, he started getting a bit anxious.

There was some kind of twitch growing inside him, a restless numbness creeping up his legs. _No, not the numbness again_ , he begged himself. When he couldn't take it anymore, he went home, and realized how very much he had been dreading coming home today, which was just insane, to dread it like that all of a sudden.

He looked at the four sad little boxes he had managed to pack these days with Julie's stuff and dammed himself. Why did he have them at display like that? Shouldn't he take them somewhere? Also, wasn't Mary supposed to be doing this?

He would definitely go for a night jog. Anything to keep himself busy and sweat off the numbness. But when he took off his shoes, he couldn't find his sneakers anywhere. He only found Kurt's, which threw him off completely, because he had completely forgotten about them.

Sebastian put them on anyway and suddenly startled. The keys. He also had the keys to Kurt's house.

So what? Did that give him the right to just show up announced? What if the kid's parents were there? Or worse, what if Brittany and Santana were there? But before Sebastian could further reason with himself, he was outside, running, and soon enough he was in Kurt's neighborhood, walking right by his building just enough times to drive himself crazy.

He searched for Kurt's window. The lights were on. And just like the last time he had noticed this, he simply took out his phone and started typing.

To Kurt: _I'm outside your window. Can I come up?_

Sebastian felt unexpectedly nervous. When had he lost the upper hand on this and how? _Just relax, dumbass_ , he told himself. This was Kurt. Kurt would not stay mad at him for too long, would he?

Soon enough, Kurt was staring right at him from his window with a surprised expression. Sebastian simply raised his hand to show the kid his keys. Kurt seemed a bit confused at first, but then simply nodded and motioned for the door.

Sebastian raced his way upstairs, not even patient enough to wait for the elevator. By the time he got to Kurt's floor, the kid was already there holding the door open for him. Sebastian was a bit breathless.

"Hey" Kurt greeted, somewhat shy, as usual.

Sebastian gave him a questioning look, trying to search in his eyes for any trace of doubt, rejection or anger, but he didn't see any. Not willing to keep it to himself anymore, he reached for Kurt and brought him closer, sort of abruptly, for a kiss. Not a short or chaste one. He devoured Kurt's lips and held onto his skin with urgency, holding him tighter. What surprised him, though, was that Kurt kissed him back just as anxiously, just as desperately.

Sebastian lowered down his hands to find the small of Kurt's back, and hugged the boy closer, pining him against the wall. Why did kissing Kurt feel so healing? So nurturing? _So_ good?

He left Kurt's lips only to kiss his cheeks instead, and his neck, and his clavicles, and his cheek again, pressing longer and warmer. As if in that one kiss he could repair whatever damage he had inflicted to the boy. Sebastian caressed Kurt's face then, and held it in his hands, like some sort of treasure he needed to examine closely.

"Please forgive me for anything I may have done. But I need you, and you're very important to me" Sebastian found himself saying, a bit breathless and trembling, but trying to hide the alarm on his voice.

Kurt's eyes widened, as they normally did when he was shocked or surprised. As if he needed to prepare himself for what he was about to say.

"I'm sorry I sent you that text" the boy apologized as well, his gaze low and regretful.

Sebastian shook his head. "No, don't be- talk to me" he insisted, "what do you need to make this work? I've asked you before, but all you said was that you wanted to please me. Has that changed?" He asked, because even if it hurt a bit, he could not be in denial anymore: it was no longer just the kid's problem if he could not put up with Sebastian. It was now Sebastian's problem as well.

"I- uh" Kurt seemed so nervous, so vulnerable, "yeah, it has" he admitted.

Sebastian felt the weight of the world crashing against his chest.


End file.
